Dear Meme,

[MamaHardy2008]

Dear Meme,

I don't know why i am writing you a letter on here where everyone can see it but i don't know what else to do. I miss you so much. I am excited about going home for christmas but at the same time i dread it. I know there will be so many times that i will instinctly start to go down to your apartment downstairs like i have always done my whole life, but stop because i know you won't be there. i am so scared that when i DO go down there it won't smell like you anymore. I can't get the image of you at the hospital out of my head. All i can see are your eyes. Picturing you rubbing my hand with your thumb and squeezing my hand as if to say its going to be okay. Me asking you if you knew i loved you and you nodding yes. The moment i had with you when you could sit up and communicate for a minute, looking at me and trying to call me your brat for the last time. I miss that. I miss the way you would call me your big brat, and whoop me like i was still a child. But you are meme, you could do that and there was nothing i, or anyone else, could do about it. I miss your cute french accent and the way you smelled. I miss seeing you watching over me. I hate that when i think about you it just upsets me. I hate that Elizabeth will never know you the way i do. I hate that even though she doesn't say it the same i think she has been saying me-me after you died, and i think it is in reference to barrys mom. I hope she changes that. i tell her its grandma all the time. I miss those stupid old western movies you watched. i miss going downstairs and laying in front of your feet on the floor just so i could be near you. I just miss you. I miss those beautiful blue eyes. I have dealt with death so many times before, but never before had i had to say goodbye. I dont like it. Its all i can think about. How i said goodbye. How the last time i saw you i think self-conciously i knew it would be the last time becuase i couldn't stop kissing you and telling you i loved you. I miss you meme, i talk about you so much and now when i mention you it hurts because it brings me back to the fact that you are gone. I just miss you. I love you.

 

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[sati769leigh]

Nov. 5, 2009 at 8:23 AM

((hugs))