He said, He can't love, but he has tried.

[Cindylilies]

This morning he called me in as I was getting out of bed, something was wrong.  His face did not tell a happy tail.    He didn't ask to hold my hand, could not even look me in the eyes.   He began by saying, he is broken, and something has been wrong since the baby died, that he just can't love me, cause he says, he see Ole every time he sees me.   He said, I've tired to love you, but I can't, I don't love you. I don't think I can love you.  You deserve better then how Ive treated you, and maybe this last time we tired in August and we didn't get pregnant is a testament that our life together is not to be.   You have dreams, and I don't have any dreams, I am stuck, I will go nowhere in life, I can't give you what I can't give and can't go thru another treament for a baby, I don't know right now if I even want you to try again.   I just don't love you, its not you its me.  

 Then he left for work.  

 Called me a few minutes ago, saying he was checking to see how I was, I said what do you think it does a person, when thry love you, and the other person does not respone back, nor gets help to help themselves.   

I called him back, told him to meet me, and pick my up from the bus, and that we need to talk and see where we go from here.   I told him, I will have another child with or without you, cause you don't want to find help, but I do, and I do have dreams, its to have another child, and give that child love, and  to guide him/her to be a great person.   You need help, and you need it now, with or without this marriage.

You are holding on to a died child, when you have a possibilty of a live one.  I am not saying its wrong to mourn our son, but when you make it your alter, then I have a problem with that.   You son would have never wanted that for your life, you are carrying too much baggage, you feel a right to all that baggage,instead of letting it go, and moving forward.

 

Tags: mourn, dead, broken, love, pregant, child, loss, marriage, baby, angery, sorrow, sad, mad, life, dreams, stuck, ole

Add A Comment

[ktinaza]

Nov. 5, 2009 at 2:09 PM

I'm so sorry that must be the worst thing to go throught the loss of your son then have him say that he doesn't love you. I'm so sorry. He does need to move on for sure and that is no excuse to not love you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

[ast2192735]

Nov. 5, 2009 at 6:37 PM

Sosorry friend after Amanda died my husband has become more closed off if you ever need to talk chat me up 'k?