-
I Was Really Doubting Myself As A Mom.
- Nov 6, 2009 at 11:09 AM
- By
- Comments (11) Total Views (359) Everyone can see this journal post.
For the last couple weeks I had really been doubting myself as a mom. I was worried that I was letting my kids down. I was worried that I was letting my depression and health problems effect our kids. I always wanted my kids to grow up knowing how much their parents love them and to feel very supported by us.
My husband and I make sure to never fight in front of our kids. Something that we did constantly when they were little. We made that change and because of that we hardly fight anymore. I make sure to tell my babies a million times a day that I love them and I think they are wonderful and beautiful. I tried to spend some alone time with each kid everyday, even if it was just snuggled on the couch. I still felt that I was failing them.
Last night was parent teacher conferences. My oldest DD was first. She is in 3rd grade. We go in and the teacher looks at us. She is trying to find words. I am thinking crap I really did it, I am getting ready to come face to face with how much I have let them down. She then says something that shocked the hell out of me!
She said I don't know what you are doing but don't stop. Myah is a child that you only get blessed to see every 5 to 6 years. She went on to explain that she is the only student in class that says Thank You to everything done for her. If the teacher is handing out papers my daughter says thank you every time! She said that Myah has taught the class to be compassionate and loving and to treat everyone with respect. She said because of her this class is the only class she has ever seen that really all like each other and all play together. She has never come across a class like this in her 30 years of teaching. I should add that this 3rd grade teacher was my 3rd grade teacher and we did not get along! LOL! She said that Myah really tries very very hard in all that she does. She never does anything half way. She really wants to please people with all that she does. She told me that having my daughter in her class makes coming to work everyday a joy and a blessing. That to come to work and feel refreshed and to go home feeling just as refreshed all caused by one student is the most amazing thing! At this point I was holding back tears and looking like damn fool! I really couldnt help but let my heart soar for her!
My daughter has no idea what she did for me just by the things she does at home and school. I was really starting to feel like I was failing my kids and then I walk into this and realize that I am doing ok with my babies. I am holding it together. I have taught them well. Now I will try even harder! I dont ever want to feel like I am failing them again. I dont ever want to be in that place.
My 2nd DD got a similar evaluation just that she needs to cut out the chit chat. I told the teacher that if she has to tell her more than once to stop then to start yanking recess from her. She looked at me shocked and I explained that there is nothing more important to Emma than her freedom and that it would kill her to lose a recess. I dont believe in beating around the bush with my kids. Hit her where it hurts yank that recess. She smiled and said alright.
I am so proud of my babies! They have done very well and as a parent I am just floating right now! I was always the class disruptor! I want my kids to know that these traits are what someday will change the world. Just the simple act of saying thank you to someone for another simple act. The way it can make someone feel. All I can think of right now is the Bible quote and I am not very good with the Bible but.
They shall be led by a child.
That is all I want from my babies is to lead by example! I want them to try their hardest at all that they do and to know to try and fail is better than never trying at all! I want them to know how beautiful their life is not just their looks. I want them to know self respect as well as the respect of others. Most of all I want them to know that I love them not just for being my daughters but for being good and loving human beings. I want them to know that not only are they my light that someday they will be the light of world!
So to my daughtes, Thank you so much for reminding what I do all of this for and for making being a parent so easy and enjoyable! THANK YOU!
I dont really expect any responses. I am more writing this just to get it out. I dont have many friends around here so I had to just get it out. If you made it this far thank you!! Hope you all have a great day!
Comments:
Thank you so much!
This is wonderful! Great Job mom and I understand about always feeling like you are letting them down- I'm BiPolar and Feel like im a horrible mom sometimes but seeing them with others doing the things you've taught them makes it all better :D
I can completely understand! My children have helped me in ways that might not ever understand! Isn't funny how as parents we believe we are here to help them, but then our children end up helping us? I love your post!
Way to go!!!
Thank you so much for writing this. I've battled depression and hate "those" commercials as you get depressed watching them...Have to find the remote fast enough to change it you know what I mean? I've been labeled as Bipolar also and having 4 wonderful beautiful kids has made my life complete. I bust my buttons whenever one of my kids has or done something and can't wait to tell me about it. Keep up the great work and remember making mistakes is better than perfection-you can really tell when you have it great then. Best wishes to your wonderful family!
Thank you so much ladies for all of your wonderful comments on this! I think that no matter what is going on with you as a mommy your kids always find a way to make your day brighter usually without ever knowing it! They truly are angels in our lives!
That is precious. It sounds like you have a wonderful, special little girl and you should be proud of her AND yourself.. Good Job Mom!!
I just noticed that this made it to the popular journals page! I am floored. Enough people care enough to promote a childs story! Thank you. I will tell my daughter in the morning what all of you said! I am sure that she will be very happy! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?
Click here to register for CafeMom
Already a member? Click here to log in
Around CafeMom
Check out some of the top posts today in Groups:
This was a great post. I can really relate to this with my boys. Just when you think you are falling apart at the seams you get a great validation that you ARE doing something right. Love it and enjoy your moment:)