How To Lose A Cafemom Friend, And Why I Feel Like Dirt

[ethans_momma06]

Dear Friend, I am really unsure of how to begin this letter to you. It stems mostly from the fact that I feel that you saved me when I needed it, when I was stuck in a hotel room with no friends, no one to talk to, and no way out. How could I do this to you after you have been there for me? I feel so ashamed, and embarrassed to be doing this because I feel that you are my friend, and I feel like I am abandoning you (even though people say I'm not), and friends don't abandon friends in a time of need, do they?

Unfortunately we have reached a point where I feel like my friendship has turned into something else. I feel like I am enabling you, and I don't feel that you will ever seek the help that you need, that could improve your life, your relationship, until I am out of the picture.

As your friend, it distress me that living so far apart....I simply cannot physically be there for you. You are going through a lot, and honestly I don't know how to deal with it. I want to help you, I have always wanted to help you and it is, very frankly, hurting my family and I because I cannot help you.

I want to support you, and I have always felt like I could be an open ear for you, a shoulder to lean on when you needed it but I am not qualified to help you threw some of these issues. I wouldn't feel right (and don't feel right)  advising you about certain things (your feelings of death, your mother in law, your husband) when I don't know what repercussions that advice will have for your life.

The problem is, I continue to urge you to get counseling, and you don't. As your friend ( you are a friend in my eyes) I feel obligated to continue to urge you to take this path. I understand that times are hard, that you have disabilities that limit your activities but I know that there are people, qualified people, who could actually help you, who could improve the situation, who would also be able to work with you whether financially, or in concerns to actually being able to have a conversation with you.

And I am so so sorry to tell you that I will not be able to be your shoulder to cry on, or ear to vent into until you have looked for real help, for a real solution. I will be there for you while you search for it, to hear how your DS is doing, to share the positive things through out your day but I can no longer be there for the other things that friends normally are. I cannot listen to your marital issues, I cannot help you with your MIL, I cannot help you deal with your childhood molestation, your fears of dying. I want to, I really want to, but as your friend I have to tell you that I can't.

I am so sorry. I hope that you understand. I hope that you will continue to view me as your friend, that you will still share parts of your day with me. I want the best for you, you are a kind, beautiful wonderful woman who deserves the best. I hope that you never forget that you are a talented, loving, and caring mother, no one can take that away from you.

But for you health, benefit, and future, I pray that you get the help you need.

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