Really Stressed Out

[hconte]

Today has been really stressful. I had to see the cardiologist this morning and I have to go back for more tests this coming thursday so I'm really nervous because I may need surgury and I just want to know exactly what it is without waiting anymore. The chestpain I get at times hurts so bad I drop to my knees and can't breath and it feels like a gorilla is squeezing my chest and it scares the hell out of me. I have a heart condition which is what causes me to be this worried because I don't want to have to go into surgury. The right and left atrials in my heart are enlarged and my heart is not pumping the way it should be so I am scared to death.

Other than that I have people harrassing me for my meds 24 hours a day and it is really starting to get to me. There's this one girl who has a 2 1/2 yr old boy who she is getting custody back soon of and she is abusing drugs and now she is hounding me for my medications 24 hours a day when I need my medications. If I do not take my meds my anxiety is through the roof and I am ready to kill someone. This girl knows that if she hounds me enough I will get so pissed that I say screw it and just throwing them at her and I can't do that because I want to be sane and I don't want to go crazy because other people are using my meds when they are for me. If she needs them she needs to find a doctor who will prescribe her meds and she needs to leave me alone. I have told her no over and over again and she will not take no for an answer. It has gotten to the point where I want to hide in a corner in my house and bawl my eyes out she is making me such a nervous wreak. I hate people like her. She claims to be my friend yet I know she only wants to be around to use me so I want no part in her life. I can have better friends then that any day of the week, I don't need her stress and agrivation especially with the health concerns I am currently dealing with.

I just feel like I am on edge and I am going to lose it. Just really worked up and extremely anxious. I am also tired and really want to take a nap because I was up all night worried about this mornings appointment but I have another appointment in less than an hour then I have a group I have to go to at 6PM tonight that is an hour and usually by 7 or 8 at night I am wide awake. All I want is to be left alone by this girl whos harrassing me, a nap, and to know what is going on with me medically. All of this stress is really starting to get to me.

Thanks for listening, sorry it was so long, I have a tendency to ramble on.

[yovonna]

Nov. 19, 2009 at 3:42 PM

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