Family Hits the Hardest

[shawneepaints]

Over the past several years, I have tried to help a family member.  This person was really down on luck and life and needed moral, mental, and financial help.  I gave food, money, clothing, and household items.

Recently, there was a need, and I said I would help if the postage would be repaid.  The person lied to me 3 times about sending the postage.  I was told again that the postage would be mailed and asked if I were upset.  I stated honestly that I was, and that I would believe it when I had the money in my hand.  I wasn't being mean, I was just stating a fact. 

Apparently, that flipped a switch and I've been bombarded with anger, hateful remarks, attacks on my Christianity, my values, and my mental state.  I won't even begin to say what I've been told.

Why is it that strangers are more kind to us than our own family?  I love helping people, lifting spirits, reaching out to those who are in need.  But I had seen for myself that my efforts to help my own family member was only feeding greed and selfishness.  It was time to stand up for myself and put my foot down.  This person has apparently lived on other people's kindness as a way of life instead of a path to better himself.  He's faked injuries and illness to get out of work, and even tried suing people instead of making an honest living, and has played on the sympathies of other people besides me.

I leave it in God's hands.  Please pray for me and this situation.  I don't want to allow myself to be dragged down to that level because of the urge to fight back.  He knows how to hit me where it hurts, and he's doubled up on me with his girlfriend.  It's not even any of her business.  She butted in and made it her fight, too.

And I've been asked why I would rather help strangers than family?  I think this explains enough.

[sunflowerfreak]

Nov. 10, 2009 at 2:56 PM

Good for you.  I think that family expect it rather than appreciate it.  Some people feel that they deserve it with what they have been dealt with and therefore expect and deserve it from others but don't appreciate it or recipricate it when it is asked from them.  Let them know that if they need food they should go to their local shelter or food bank and get food or their local church.

[HappyEndings]

Nov. 10, 2009 at 3:00 PM

I think that often, family takes kindness for granted. You are supposed to help them, because they are family. And the obligation to repay isn't so great, because they are fam. and you eventually "have" to forgive them. When a stranger does something disrespectful, you can always cut off contact and it doesn't hurt as much because you don't even know them, or usually you can avoid dealing w/ them again. You're family is your family for life, and generally you trust them, so when that trust is broken, it hurts more. What this person did to you is unfair, hurtfull, and immature, and you are handling it very well!! At some point though this person will "burn all their bridges", and will have no choice but to grow up, and face their responsibilities, alone. Hopefully he/she will have the grace to see where they were wrong, and to apologize to you at that point. I wish you the best!!

[momofsixangels]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:53 AM

How terrible!!!! Its so true that strangers treat you better then family.Its a shame.Thats great that are not letting it get to you.HUGS!!