My stepdad is more of a dad to me then my own dad

[MOmomof8]

I've been thinking a lot about my stepdad today.  Perhaps bc he had surgery this morning on his foot.  I went with him to drive him home & pick up his medicine.  I had to take Rose with me & she just wore me out.  She was in constant motion & constantly talking.  At one point she wanted to sit in a chair in the corner across the room from me so I told her she could as long as she could sit & be quite for 5 minutes.  Of course, she was unable to do this but it was funny watching her try.  She had the attention of everyone in the waiting room.  The vending machine guy came & while he was filling the machines up he asked me if he could give her banana walnut mini muffins.  She loved them & she even shared with me.  We split a coke but don't tell her parents. I get in trouble all the time for giving her soda.  When we were waiting I thought about if my mom were alive.  I don't think he would've had the surgery cause he wouldn't be able to wait on her hand & foot.  She would've wanting to be at the hospital & Rose would have drove her crazy.  She was just in such bad health the last couple of years & was at her worse the last year. I'm not sure I could have taken care of Rose & my mom.  My stepdad is doing alot more for himself these days.  He has needed that for a long time but he didn't think anyone could take care of my mom as well as he could.  He is such a sweet guy.  Mom got a gold mine with him. 

He has been more of a dad to me than my dad has.  He helped me buy a brand new car & it was only in his name but I made the payments.  I needed money & they always gave it to me.  I gave them my antique bedroom suit bc I needed $2000 & I knew I would not be able to pay it back.  When I needed money another time, I gave them a very expense, high priced crystal bowl.  They never complained.  Nick & I both needed new mattresses so my mom gave me her credit card.  When my first husband left me, we had a lot of bills that I couldn't pay by myself.  So they took on 2 of my bills & paid them off.  I moved & no longer needed my stove so they bought it from me.  They did the same with a dishwasher I had.  I moved into a house that had a build in stove/oven/microwave & a build in dishwasher.    I could call him anytime & he would come help me, even now.    He even went to Chicago to walk me down the aisle in my Greek wedding.  He has always been there for me.  When I didn't have a car, he allowed me to use his to go to school & where else I needed to do.  When they went out of town, he left me keys to his truck just incase I needed to go somewhere.  When I got drunk & almost broke my nose & hand, he was at the hospital with me.  It is sad what he & my mom had to go through with me but I am so glad they were there for me.  He got on to me for things I did that he thought I shouldn't do, just like a father would.  He has 2 daughters but has never been as close to them as he is to me.  My mom & I would talk about him at times, we both thought he should be my dad & my dad should be dad to his 2 girls.  He has been talking about moving closer to his family & when he first started that I felt like he was abandoning me.  I understand he has no family here but my mom's family.  I understand why he would want to be closer to his daughters, brothers & sisters.  They are getting up in years & all of them have health problems.  I'm afraid he will get stressed out trying to take care of his 2 bothers & 2 sisters like he did my mom.  That's too much for just one man.  He said he is also thinking about selling the house & getting a smaller one around here.  My dad was my dad for 14 years then he & mom got divorced.  It felt like he divorced me too.  My mom meet my stepdad when I was 20 & I'm 52 now.  So he has been my dad for 32 years.  He would call to make sure I was ok, to see if I needed something.  I didn't find out until many years later that he & mom did that bc they were afraid my 2nd husband was going to kill me.  So they checked up on me daily.  If I didn't tell them I was going somewhere & didn't answer the phone, they would come to my house & look through my windows to see if I was laying there dead.  I didn't think they even knew what was going on but they did.  Even now I know that if I have a problem, I can count on him.  Sometimes I call him just to talk about our money problems of the day & he starts saying he has no money but if he can do anything else he will always be here for me.

My dad is a different story.  I can't even talk to him about it cause he turns it around saying that I am just jealous.  I'm not.  I do feel like he divorced me with mom.  I needed help from him with my mom & he said he could not help & hung up.  My mom was in bad shape, she had this nervous problem that would cause all her muscles to tighten up & she couldn't move.  Dad had always taken care of her then & they hid it from me so I had no clue what to do.  Dad told me she was my problem now.  My mom's best friend was a nurse so I called her & she came to help mom.  I was so upset cause I had never seen her like that before.  I didn't know what I was suppose to do.  Her friend told me to just call her & she would come for me.  My dad took my mom to court about child support.  He felt that since he put carpet throughout my mom's house & put in central air then that should be enough that he wouldn't have to pay child support.  The judge agreed.  The bad thing is that my mom paid for the carpet & air with money she got from selling lumber off the family land in AL.   He would take me out to eat so he could discuss putting my mom in a mental hospital which is where he said she belonged.  He told me if I did put her there, I could have our house.  It was just mom & I living there so it already was my house.  I was 15, why would I want to live in a 3 bedroom home with an apartment downstairs to live in all by myself.  I was afraid of being alone.  Then when I was 17, he went out & bought a house for me.  It was 2 bedroom, very small, flood relief house in a bad part of town.  I didn't even look at it, I just told him I didn't want it.  I was fine where I was.  He got upset with me.  First I would want a say in a house for me to live in.  Second, I was happy right where I was.  I still had a year of high school left.  I didn't want to do all the household stuff, cook, do laundry all on top of going to school.  I didn't have a job, didn't want a job, what about food, phone, electricity, gas, etc.  How would that be paid?  By my dad so he could have a reason to be in contol of me.   No way.   My mom's untilies were still in my dad's name & the phone company called my mom to say they were getting ready to shut off all my dad's phones which would include hers.  She worked something out with them to remove his name & add hers.  Then in the dead of winter, they came to turn our gas & electric off.  We had alot of problems with our gas line so the guy talked to mom, told her how to get it in her name, then waited there for her to come back after doing so.  That was everything could stay on.  Real great dad there, turn everything off & freeze me to death.   I lived in one of his houses when I started getting headaches, really bad ones.  I had them everyday for 2 weeks so I went to the doctor. He ran the usually tests but nothing showed up.  I was watching a tv show a couple of days later about headaches being caused by furnaces or gas leaks.  I called the doctor & told him about it.  He said to call the gas company to check it out..  They came & checked everything out.  Then turned of our gas & redtagged the furnace.  He told me that we were very lucky cause the furnace looked like it was ready to explote.  He said he was surptised that we weren't all in the hospital or dead.  The fumes in the house was equal to pulling a car into the garage & leaving the motor running.  Our garage was under our bedroom.  So I called my dad, told him what was said.  He told me it would be awhile before he could fix the furnace so he would come over after work & turn the gas back on.  I threw a major fit.  He told me he wouldn't let us blowup but the gas mad said it would.  I don't like taking those kinds of chances with my children.  So me & the kids moved in with my mom & stepdad.   We lived there until the new furnace was installed & running.  He also put in new vents.  My hubsand of the time refused to live the house.  So he slept in a cold house for 2 weeks.  It was below 30 the whole time.  I told him that I would deduct 2 weeks of rent from our rent that month.  He refused.  So we paid full rent that month even though it wasn't liveable for half the month. 

I can go on & on with stories like these.  But my point was to show why my stepdad was more of a dad to me than my dad.   My dad never calls unles it is to accuse my boys or me of stealling something or doing something.  Nick got blamed for mess up my stepmom's computer the day of my uncles furnal.  I have a major problem with that since we wasn't at her house that day.  Nick was having a wild day & we went home after the burial.  To this day they still like Nick did it.  He was not the only grandkid they have & the girls go on it all them time too. So why not blame someone that was there instead of my son that wasn't..      I can call my dad for money & he says no.  But when we are just talking about things in life, he tells me that his income is $25000 amonth.  But he says he is broke & has no money if I ask for money.  I have gone Christmas without recieving a gift from them cause I was there at Christmas.  But there were times my sister wasn't there due to being mad at them & they took her gifts to her.  I was asked one year what I wanted & I said a watch So they screetly put $50 in my hand while I was watching the other girls open gift after gift.  I added up what each got spent on them & they averaged $150-200 for each girl.  I don't really care about the gift, it's the thought, they didn't think much ahout me, they didn't care.  I always put alot of thought into what I give them.  It hurts when the same isn't given back.  I asked my dad & stepmom to meet me at a church to have a family picture done, I would pay for it.  They said they were too business.  So me & my boys got ours done.  When we got them I took them over to show my dad & low and behold, they had a family picture done at the same place.  I got that message loud & clear, I'm not his family.   Years later, the family was going to do pictures together. again.  This time it would be alll the girls & their husbands, then all the grandkids.  They had been planning this for awhile but I only found out cause I was at their house & something was said.   So they asked If we could meet them.  I told them no, we were business & just had to much to do that day.    At that point, we were not a happy family as far as I was concerned so why fake it for a picture. 

There are still more stories but I'll end it here for tonight.  Oh, they have down a few nice things but there was always a reason behind it.  When I found out I had cancer, my stepmom stopped by & gave me $1000 so we could have a nice Christmas.  My dad bought me a recliner cause I was so sick & need a comfortable one.  After all my treatments, my dad had his workmen come over & remodel my bathroom. I had started before I got sick.  So to be fair, they have had their nice moments.  The just don't stack up against the rest of the time.  For ove 30 years, I have called my dad to let him know that I was still alive cause I though maybe he wasn't sure & that's why he wasn't calling me.   I still do that, in fact, it's been 3 or 4 monts since I talked to him so I will be making that call in the next few days.  He always says he was just thinkig about calling me.  I have explained that the phone does worl both ways.  My phone will ring if you dail my number, just like he answers his phone when I dial his number.  I also say hey dad I'm still alive & kicking.  Are you still alive?  That's all I was calling about os bye.  At which point he does start a conversation. 

I'll do another one of these some day soon bc this stuff is starting to really get to me.  This is my only outlet that won't start a huge family fight. 

[Lb128f]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:28 AM

I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your StepDad. I'm sorry about your BirthDad.