WAKE UP AMERICA! An issue that affects every family in this country.

[Julie411me]

Wake up America!  

 

I believe that this issue has become so commonplace that Americans have become desensitized to a phenomena that can no longer be ignored. 

Perhaps the media is involved, doing the bidding of the government.  I've long felt that George Bush and, in fact entire generations of the Bush family, have had something to do with this.  Some will say the problem has gotten worse since Obama took office.  Perhaps it's a massive, bi-partisan conspiracy.  Perhaps supernatural or alien forces are at work.  The elusive "men in black" immediately come to mind.  Maybe gangs or the mafia are involved.   I just don't know. 

But I am convinced that something strange is going on and I know for a fact that every American family has been impacted.

What is happening to America's socks? 

Bloggers have waxed poetic about missing socks for years, dashing off a few quick and light-hearted paragraphs about their dryers eating socks or how only the newest ones go missing.    But I don't think we have given this topic it's due.  I think it's bigger than any of us have ever imagined.

Consider the sock-math of an average, sock-wearing, American family.  A family of four might purchase about 12 pairs of socks per person, per year.  That totals 96 individual socks for that family every year.   Let's call it 100, just for ease of analysis.  I feel that is probably a low number when we take into consideration:  athletic socks, special socks for school sports teams, dress socks, boot socks, novelty socks, slipper socks, hideous gift and re-gift socks, work socks, that awful hand-knitted pair that gives you blisters and even the most mysteriously creepy of all, the knee-high hose.   So, again, starting with 100 socks is, I believe, a fair and conservative estimate.

Be realistic, if you bought all these socks on January 1, and added no additional socks throughout the year, how many would be left at the end of the year?  By my calculations, each family member would still have 2 pairs of matching socks and about 6 socks (per person, average)  with no mates in their sock drawers.  That's a loss rate of 60% and we have not even figured in the remaining sock-loss-rate (SLR) from the previous year's stash.

For years, amateur SLR analysts and bloggers have accused "the wash,"  insisting that the washer and dryer were somehow responsible for the missing socks.  This theory is easily de-bunked by a quick study of military families.  Since they move every 2 years or so, that means their washers and dryers are also moved, making them perfect candidates for this study. 

Statistically speaking, when the moving crew hauls the washer and dryer out to the moving van, 120 missing socks should be found under those appliances.  As a military spouse of 22 years, I can verify that not once have I found that many socks on moving day.  In fact, one or, in rare cases, two socks under the dryer would be common, along with 11 legos, a super ball, 3 pieces of puppy kibble, 27 cents, a band-aid, a pencil and a used dryer sheet.

Yet the government continues to let Americans believe that the missing socks are somehow consumed by appliances. 

Starting to get the picture?

Consider the numbers when you factor in the annual SLR of major cities:

Cleveland:  Population 438,042.  Lost socks 6.5 million.

Indianapolis:  Population 795,458.  Lost socks 11.9 million

Chicago:   Population  2,836,658.  Lost socks:  42.5 million

USA:   Population over 300 billion.  Lost socks:  That's 4.5 TRILLION lost socks. 

That number looks like this:  4,500,000,000. 

Combined, these socks would be the size of Mount Everest, Mount St. Helens and TWO Mount Rushmores.  They could completely fill 404 landfills, 96,000 elementary schools or 1.2 million Brinks' trucks.

That's a lot of socks, people. 

Where are they?

What has happened to America's lost and forgotten socks?

To be continued.

 (Check my journal for recently added entries containing notes on my continuing scientific and painstakingly accurate studies of the lost sock phenomena)

 

 

 

 

[Lindalu2]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 11:19 AM Maybe they are in a big bin up onthe Grassy Knoll?

[momofne]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 4:47 PM

I think they all sneek out at night while we sleep and some day soon ......THERE     WILL    BE     A      REVOLUTION  !!!!!!

[KelleyP77]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 5:14 PM

It's the damned Sock Monster! Not to be confused with the Monster Under the Bed that comes out at night and pulls the covers off your feet.

[Anouck]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 5:42 PM

It's the weirdest thing, isn't it? I swear, I just did the ENTIRE white laundry, not a dirty sock left in the house, and I'm STILL missing about 6 of them, including the baby socks... Makes no sense at all!

[shellbyrne]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:58 AM

I just went through my dd's sock drawer today and matched them all up - and there were at least 15 socks with no mates!!!! 

It makes me sick.  It has got to stop!

[alex]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 10:16 AM

LOL!!!

I am glad you have brought this important issue to the masses!

This must stop!

Much love

alex

[LuminousMom]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 10:23 AM

on a recent fact finding mission I was able to locate 17 socks underneath the armoire in my kids room. Encouraged by the find I scouted on and hit the motherload. Behind the washing machine... 34 socks. Two years of living here.. 51 missing socks. I managed to make 14 pairs of socks out of the relocated footwear.  sadly, 23 mismatched socks still lay in a paper bag in the laundry room, just waiting for a partner to turn up.

[burkemom]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 10:52 AM

[lah_arcana]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:16 AM

I am a member of the secret society of the stolen socks... we wear masks and only communicate through sock puppetry.... i'm just sayin

[angelove8]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:29 AM

I think aliens use them as ear warmers.....or possibly the government uses them as silencers for their pistols.