I'm Losing My Baby...

[PassionateMom]

 So, I have been going back and forth to the doctor for what seems like forever.  Last week, I went in for an ultrasound and they told me that they couldn't hear the baby's heartbeat.  I went through this with my first pregnancy, so I was a little reluctant to hear what these doctors had to say.  I went in again yesterday and it was the same thing...no heartbeat...no change in size.  Still not believing them and gicing my body the benefit of the doubt, I went to my appointment with my OB anyway.  They basically told me that according to my last period, I should be 11 weeks along...according to the size of the sack, I should be 8 weeks...and according to the size of the baby, I'm only six weeks.  Which means that my baby stopped growing at six weeks and I have been walking around, loving life and being so excited about having another child, meanwhile, my poor baby which I think is growing inside me, doesn't even have a heartbeat.  I know that I am not the only person in the world to ever have a miscarriage, but how do you ladies deal with the pain and all the motional crap that comes along with it?

So, I had the choice to wait for my body to get rid of it on it's own or go in to the hospital and have the procedure done.  I chose the latter, I just want this whole thing over with so I can try to move on.  I've been a total mess and what breaks my heart the most is my 4 year old angel of a son walking around and asking me when the baby is going to comne out because he wants to be a big brother.  I guess you just never think that this will happen to you until it does and you are forced to accept it.

I'm scared to death of getting this thing done and I feel like a total failure.  I am type 1 diabetic and my sugars have been completely out of control and I know now that played a huge part in this.  How do I even think about trying to get pregnant again.  I always wanted at least two kids, but now I'm scared that this will happen again?  Any ladies out there interested in sharing their experience with me...I'm more than happy to listen.  Anything positive will be extremely helpful right now.  Thank you all for reading this.

[GaMomx3]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 3:22 PM

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Hang in there and take things one day at a time.

[Anouck]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 3:33 PM

I had a miscarriage myself, right before I got pregnant with my son. Mine was a blighted ovum, which basically means I had the gestational sac, but no baby. Which in a way made it easier, but still, going in for that first ultrasound and seeing nothing but an empty sac was horrible. What helped me a lot was a site called www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com. The name would indicate it's about women who were told they were going to miscarry, and ended up with healty babies, and it definitely does have that on there too, but it also has different groups of women dealing with miscarriage. It really made me feel better, so maybe you could check that out....

I'm really sorry for your loss :(

[cdmillard23]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 3:34 PM

My advice would be to relax, get your blood sugar under control, develop a good support group to talk about your fears with, and just let go of the worry. Only you can decide if you're ready to have another baby. My favorite quote is "Worry is like a rocking chair, it's a whole lot of work and it doesn't get you anywhere." So just let it go and everything will fall into place.

[chanel0709]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 4:02 PM

First don't blame yourself , it know its hard not the point the finger of blame cause we women tend to take everything inside of ourselves....when I was preg. the first time the same thing happened to me. We were so excited and told everyone and @ 8wks when we went for the ultrasound the sac was just under stress and we saw it in the ultrasound. I stayed home in bed for 2wks waiting for my body to get rid of it and trying to get over the pain of what had just happened to us.  Take care of yourself and get your body in a good condition and take it one day at a time is all you can do.  Another blessing will come your way when the time is right but don't beat yourself down. Time does take away some of the pain but I'll never forget the angel that could have been.

Be strong and hug your son with all the love you have.

Peace

[ezear2000]

Nov. 11, 2009 at 8:42 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this.... I went thru basically the same thing last year.... I was suppose to be 12-14wks but at the ultrasound the baby had stopped growing at 8-10 weeks.... I started to miscarry within the week and went in for the DnC... I've  had 2 miscarriages and lost one our precious Hunter to SIDS but today I have 2 healthy boys and a spoiled rotten 3 year old daughter (lol)  and am currently 27wks pregnant.

Again I am so sorry, not really sure what to tell you except to hang in there and to take it easy this is probably going t obe pretty emotional for a while(I think it was for me)

and email me if you ever need to talk (or write lol) Andrea

[TeenerBeener75]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:52 AM

Oh goodness..hon...I'm so sorry you had to go through this.  It ihas to be so difficult to go through.  I can't imagine :(  Have you been able to tell your son yet anything about the baby?  If you haven't, you can try the next time he asks to say.  The baby was an angel, and she flew up to heaven to be with God.  She will be watching you grow up, and be our little guardian angel.  If that's not something you are comfortable doing, I'm sure alot of the other moms on here that have been through it might be able to help you.  Again, hugs...you will be ok....it does take some time ...but you can get through it!!!

[AmazingAmanda]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 1:57 PM

I just went through the same thing except I was only 9 weeks. I went in to my first appoinment and was told there was no heartbeat. I went back a couple of days after to confirm and to schedule my D&C. The D&C was almost pleasurable for me. I had great nurses and my wonderful husband with me the whole time. The procedure went smoothly and I, physically, felt great after. Emotionally I am doing well, but sometimes it still hurts....a lot. It's only been a week for me and I imagine it will get better with time. After getting over the shock of what was happening I turned it into the best experience I could. If you want to talk...I'm here.

[momrocks1000]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:26 PM

All the other mom's on here have such wonderful words of advice and isn't CM a blessing! My heart goes out to you and I just wanted to add the comment that I went through the same thing as you and I also made the decision to have the d & c which I don't regret. Time helps the raw pain but you never forget and I know that although it has been 14 yrs for me I remember it like it was yesterday and though I no longer actively grieve, I certainly have always longed for and had the what if thoughts. I have 2 healthy kids now but will never forget my angel in heaven. Last word of advice is to explain it to to the best of your ability in the most positive light you can manage to your son. Having him under the wrong impression will only keep the pain raw and it's not fair to either of you. God Bless mama!

[momrocks1000]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:29 PM

I just reread my reply and I just wanted to point out that my comments about never forgetting and longing etc were meant to be comforting. I hope they did not come across as negative. I wanted to reassure you that to me it is a great comfort knowing that I dont forget or move on in that way from my unborn child. I personally had guilt at the time thinking that I might someday and I was trying to let you know that you don;t have to worry about that. God knows your heart. Hope that is clear. Hugs!

[PassionateMom]

Nov. 16, 2009 at 11:18 AM

I just want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has offered such wonderful advice and sympathetic thoughts. Cafemom is a blessing and so are all of you great ladies on here who make it work.

(Original Poster)