A Scary Moment On Cafemom-

[ethans_momma06]

I feel compelled to write this because one of my all time favorite groups on here, the one I felt the safest in, the one with the best community, support, love and tolerance had an incident. One that made me reevaluate my approach to my on-line world of resources, friends, support, and advice.

One of the women, was not who she claimed to be. She stole someones real life identity- their childrens names, their family photos, even the town they claimed to live in. Apparently, this wasn't her first time doing this. Luckily for our big little group, our group owner, and just the women in it are very observant and well connected. I don't know how they found out, just that they were able to actually contact the family who was REALLY pictured in those photo's.

Ladies, I am happy to say that nothing deadlyserious came out of this. Members who befriended this woman, shared in part of her life, her troubles, and sometimes her inspiration towards other mothers I am sure left feeling betrayed and hurt, and maybe confused. I didn't share enough connection with her personally to experience it like some of these mothers, but I am most definitely upset by it. The family that was used must be experiencing some anxiety, some fear....their whole family life was stolen by who I presume was a stranger. But I for one thank god that this sick woman's motives were for companionship and not for instilling hurt and fear into others.

I was upset extremely by this incident because A) I am really to hormonal right now to behave any differently and B) because I felt safe there. I let myself do things that I have avoided everywhere else on this wonderful site.

It may not seem like a lot, I am sure plenty of you engage in similar or same actions without thinking twice, but (call me paranoid) my family safety comes miles above strangers I 'happen' to run into on the net. I shared my location. Where I live. This is a big one for me, one I try to avoid everywhere else. It's not anyone's business where I live and certainly not the 900 + moms I decided to share it with.

I shared pictures of my family. Most of my 'friends' on here know how important that one is to me because I was very hesitant about adding most of them due to the fact that I have pictures of my son on my page. And now I see why I was so picky about who I added before, why I didn't post them randomly here and there. My fears (while not directed at me personally) were completely reinforced.

I am not trying to discourage anyone from staying on this site, I love it and wont be leaving, I just want you to all be cautious. Be safe. Most of us don't REALLY know who is on the other side of the screen, and all to often we get caught up in there presumed sincerity. We like them, we care about them, we love them and we want the best for them. We share in their daily lives, their struggles with motherhood, their families. Or at least, we feel that we do.

Unless we have met these women in some form of confirmation, real life or video chat, we need to remember the safe on-line tips that we beat into our own childrens heads. And for goodness sake don't rush out there to meet somebody now while you are alone in an area that isn't heavily populated. While I am sure that most of the women on here are who they say there are....don't risk your life on it.

I apologize to my friends because I realised that I have been lax with my own decisions on who I add to my page. I had always vowed to not just add random people and now it looks like I have done just that. So, some of my friends will no longer be on my page, although I hope that they will continue contact.

Remember ladies, it's about safety, it's about protecting your family. Just be aware of the possibilities and remember that sometimes...those bad things DO happen, no matter where you are. Even when you feel like your in a 'safe' zone. So just keep your wits about you and you'll be fine.

[logansmomma2007]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:29 PM

Great advice.  I am part of a close nit group that uncovered a similar situation.  We notified the real family, and Cafemom took the faulty profile down. 

[evwsquared]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 1:26 PM

Yikes! One of my CM friends is an ace internet sleuth, and has shared a lot of tips for how to uncover people's real identities and how to track people's actions. If you would like, I can PM you her tips. I don't understand why people do this. (I can't imagine having the time to do such a thing! Geesh, I'd be sleeping if I had extra time like that!) I'm so sorry that you were shaken by this. I hate that people use CM this way, because it has been a wonderful place for me.

[parrishsky]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:13 PM

I agree, I hate that people are so screwed up they take someones photos and lives and make them their own. That is a sickness! I wish the cafe were a safer place but I personally know some super slueths that can track people and get the cafe team to remove them permanetly (even deny their IP address in the future)...

Sorry you have had to experience this first hand.

[bhwrn1]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:17 PM

yup, you must be careful. Read my journal from last summer:

A Lesson Learned *Updated*

[Erica_Smerica]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:00 PM

Yikes! I think that's the reason I have my profile set ono private and only a couple pictures of my son. Some people are crazy!

[0Jenna0]

Nov. 12, 2009 at 7:57 PM

It's sad that there seems to be so many women on here willing to deceive people who are trying to be their friends. And for what? Some attention? A good laugh? I don't get it. Thanks for your post!

[crazymom21]

Nov. 13, 2009 at 7:50 PM Wow and yes your right we all should be more careful. I'm glad they were able to get to the bottom of that situation. That's why I've always kept my friends at a min and never share personal details.

[catholicmamamia]

Dec. 15, 2009 at 11:22 PM

Thank you for the wonderful info and advice!