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FREE BARBIE! FREE BARBIE!
- Nov 12, 2009 at 2:19 PM
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- Comments (4) Total Views (169) Everyone can see this journal post.
When my three daughters were younger, they were thrilled whenever Santa left a Barbie or one of her many pricey pals under the Christmas tree. After about 3.5 minutes, when all the presents were unwrapped, easily unwrapped, I might add, attentions were turned to Barbie.
"Barbie!" a toddler Kristen would demand, shoving a pretty pink box toward a parent or big sister. Opening the box and sliding out the cardboard sleeve was easy enough. But the next steps in removing the doll from the sleeve often nearly sent me over the edge.
I would begin with the twist ties that secured her limbs in some stiff version of a semi-human pose. Twist, twist twist, I would begin.
The silver ties were of the highest quality of any product I'd ever purchased. Twist, twist. Even the black twist tie that bundled the power cord of our new TV was not as thick and sturdy. Twist, twist.
Wait. Am I going the right way?
Reverse twist, twist, twist.
No wait, I was right before.
Twist, twist. My fingers would be sore before I'd freed even one limb. As I continued twisting, I imagined the Chinese women who worked for Mattel, packaging the dolls. They must get thier kicks out of twisting these ties extra tight and in multiple directions, just to tick me off. I imagined them snickering while thinking about the stupid American woman, dumb enough to buy her kid another Barbie. Twist. Twist.
Done!
Barbie's right arm was free. On to the next three limbs and then the purse, the brush and the hat.
Twist, twist, twist...
Finally, I had a pile of about 10, seven-inch, high-grade, wire twist ties capable of holding a steel girder in mid-air during a nuclear blast. I'd perhaps save them for re-use in some household task if I wasn't completely sick and tired of looking at them by this point. Why did they secure the doll with the highest grade plastic coated wire available and yet manufacture the doll's neck with materials so shoddy that the doll's head would break off after a fall from the basket of a tricycle?
Back to work.
The next step was to remove the plastic bands from the doll's waist and neck. The white nylon bands were fastened so securely that there was, of course, no room to slip the scissors underneath for an easy snip. The plastic bands, I suppose, are quite similar to the nylon zip-tie handcuffs that are popular with law-enforcement officials and serial rapists. I wondered what tool cops and coroners used to remove such bands. And I wondered why Barbie needed them. Was she inclined to come to life and try to escape her pink cardboard prison? If so, it wouldn't have mattered. The twist ties had that covered. She was going nowhere without a dedicated accomplice.
Finally, I was able to find some bolt cutters that were strong enough to jaw down on the plastic and release the doll.
Or not.
Barbie's body was free but her perfectly styled hair was still attached to the back of the box. For display purposes, Barbie's locks were covered with a small sheet of a heavy duty, two by three inch sheet of plastic which was sewn to the cardboard, with the stitching going right through the doll's hair. This always proved to be the biggest challenge of all. The plastic could be cut with good-quality scissors, but there wasn't really anywhere to cut since doing so would also cut the doll's hair. For a moment I thought that maybe long hair wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Maybe a Barbie with a snappy bobbed doo would be a welcome change. Eh. Probably not. I began carefully hacking at the plastic near the stitching and after about 15 minutes, something in my mind snapped and I decided that I'd freed enough hair that some careful maneuvers and wiggling of the toy would release the rest of the hair. That kinda worked. Only a minimal amount of hair remained in the box. And the doll was now, officially out of the packaging.
As I returned my attention to the sciossors and the box, after all, I still had to snip all the threads that held the clothing and accessories to the cardboard backing, I realized that by this point, I had probably played with the doll longer than my child would. And, in fact, the workers at the plant that packaged this doll with 10 twisty ties, 2 nylon bands, a mini sheet of clear, hair staging plastic and a needle and thread had probably done the same.
Comments:
This is price Barbie has to pay for being perfect. That reminds me, those darn things are worth more now if you didn't take them out of the packaging.
Wow! And I thought getting together and putting all the stickers on a Hot Wheel set was bad!!! I got to agree though, I even told my boys when we are trying to open one of those plastic sealed items, someone in the backroom is laughing their heads off at us!
And that is why I cried with joy(and releif at NOT being subjected to this crap) when my sister gave my dd all of her dd's old Barbie's--somewhere around fifty. No stupid twisty ties or rubber bands or plastic sheets for me thanks!
And why is it that *itch has more accessories than she could wear in a lifetime even if you changed her every five minutes for the next fifty years?
And OMGOSH have you ever tried dressing them? What a pain! DD and I were playing Barbies last night and I swear I spent half an hour cramming Barbie's arm into a coat sleeve!
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LOL, I wonder WHAT that Barbie did that she got RESTRAINED in such a manner! Perhaps our criminal justice system should take a look at that packaging and use some of their techniques in some of the maximum security prisons! LOL... haaaa and in prison transport! ha ha ha... maybe they would have less escape issues!!!!
But you aren't kidding! We need weapons of mass destruction just to get the toys out of the packaging for the children to play with them! Oh, and not to mention the INJURIES we sustain while opening all these toys! How do we survive? LOL! Great post!
- bupkie
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