I missed it today. & venting again about kids

[MOmomof8]

The school had an auction today.  My dh & I had plans to go, we love auctions & get some really good deals.  I got up this morning & just didn't feel good.  I was dizzy, had the shakes really super bad & a really bad headache.  So my dh went to the auction alone while I stayed home & slept.  I was so out of it that I know the phone rang but have no idea who it was or if I talked to them.  The kids left & I didn't even know it.  I do remember our 17 year old calling & asking if his dad still had his big paddle.  He does but he isn't giving it to him for what he wants to do.  At school, the seniors want to paddle the freshmen, like a hazing which is illegal.  I can't believe that the school would support it.  He told his dad that all the guys are going to do it.  I hate it when a kid uses that reason.  They should be unique & think for themselves, do what everyone else isn't doing.  He is alot like my boys, he does things that he knows better but does it anyway.  But with him being 7 foot tall there is no way anyone is going to miss seeing him do anything.  I told him he had to ask his dad.  So he called his dad on his cell phone & was told no so he hung up on him.  This kid could be a wonderful kid if he had better friends & more parental guidance.  He lives with his grandma & has ever since his mom died about 6 years ago.  His grandma thinks he can do no wrong.  We have caught him & the law has caught him doing things he shouldn't do.  We have tried to teach him about the consequences of his actions & he has spend time in jail as well as being on probation twice.  He really doesn't listen to us & he doesn't come around unless he needs something.  A couple of years ago, my son's exmil & I were talking alot & were friends.  She called our house while we were gone & Skylor was here with 2 friends.  They answered the phone & cussed her out.  She was so upset.  She called my mom's house which is where I was.  I got upset about it too so we came home to take care of it.  They were still here when we got here.  My dh asked them about it & of course they said they didn't do it.  So my dh & I were talking to them when grandma came in.  She got upset that we were accusing them of it.  So she got in each of their faces & asked if they did it.  Of course they all said no & she believed them.  She said my friend was mistaken maybe she called the wrong number.  Well, my friend would've told me if she wasn't sure about it & if she said it happened then it did.  Watching the way the boys acted when she was questioning them, we figured out which one did it.  But we still punished Skylor by locking him out of our house.  We were leaving the door unlocked up to then.  Skylor & his grandma lived next door to us & he was always in & out of here.  Since then they have moved so it isn't a problem with him anymore.  He is always pulling stuff when he is here.  One night I was up watching movies & my dh was in bed when Skylor came over.  He didn't say a word to me just went upstairs.  He came down with a VCR & I stopped him.  I told him to put it back & refused.  His dad & I hadn't been married very long at that time.  He told me that it was his dad's house & he could take anything he wanted.  I explained to him that I moved my things in & he had  no idea what belonged to who.  He still was going to leave with it until I said I would wake his dad up if he didn't do as I said.  He put it down & stormed out.  I don't my dh about it the next day so when Skylor came over he told him he wasn't to remove anything from the house, if he wanted to use it then he could use it here.   I told Skylor that it didn't matter to me if he was of my flesh or not, he would be treated by me just as my son's were.  I that he would hate me after that but he didn't.  He gave me a Christmas present, he told his grandma that he wanted to give me something & asked if he could give me one of his stuffed animals.  He wrapped it himself.  That's when I knew he was really my son.  He always gave me a hug & kiss when he left, even if I saw him at Walmart with his friends, he would hug me before parting from me.  I really upset his grandma one night.  Skylor & his dad got into it about something, I forgot was it was now.  Skylor stormed out saying my dh wasn't his dad & he was never coming over again.  I tried to get my dh to go talk to him but he refused.  So I went over & talked to him.  His grandma didn't want me to talk to him but I walked into her house anyway.  While I was talking to him she was hiding around the corner listening to everything I said.   Skylor told me that his dad used to abuse him, he would punch him in the head.  When I finished talking to him I asked him to come home with me & talk to his dad like he was talking to me.  But he refused.  So I just let it be for awhile.  I asked my dh & daughter about what he had told me.  My dh said he did it once & it was bc he kept threatening to kill himself.  They took him to counseling & he had been hospitalized but nothing changed.  So one day he was threatening to & my dh was close to him so he popped him in the head.  Skylor never made that threat again.   My dh has this paddle that he used on his kids but it is big & doesn't hurt when you get hit on your butt with it.  I know bc he has used it on me in play, nothing sexual ladies.  I think his grandma put that idea into his head.  My dh & her were friends before I came along.  I tried to be friends with her but it's hard.  I have no respect for her since she allows Skylor to do anything & everything he wants without punishment.  He talked her into letting his friend drive her van one night.  They used it to beat up mailboxes & got caught.  She said he wasn't the one doing it but he was put on probation for it.  How could he not be involved when it was him who got the van to do it.  There are more things like this that he has done & she always says he didn't do anything.  Then there is his latest thing inwhich my son Nathan is taking the punishment for.  I had caught Skylor several times online lieing about his age & posting someone else's picture as his.  He has even used his dad's & Nathan's name.  He is on most all the social sites & talks to girls of all ages telling them stuff about himself that is no way true.  So I believe my son when he says it wasn't him.  My daughter was allowed to see the evidence & said it was Skylor not Nathan.  But he used Nathan's laptop & profile to do it.  Nathan was stupid & would leave everything up on his laptop & even leave it open.  So anyone could use his laptop & his profiles for whatever they want.  Also at the time that it happened, he was at work & has the time card to prove it.  But he didn't want Skylor to be sent to jail or prison so he took the charge.  Skylor didn't come over for a long time after Nathan was arrested.  The first time he did, his dad questioned him about it & he stormed out.  He went home, told his grandma & she called yelling at my dh.  I'm surprised that Nathan didn't beat him when he saw him.  Nathan said he took the charge bc his life is 1/2 over but Skylor was just starting his & didn't need this hanging over him for life.   Nathan & Brandi has helped grandma fix some of Skylor's "crimes".  He charged up her credit cards, ran up her phone bill & that's just a few things.  I'm sure there are something that we don't know about.  She leaves her door unlocked all day & all night so he & his friends can come & go as they want.  All of his friends come over & raid the fridge about every day.  I caught a conversation online between he & a friend that I would have taken his freedom away & his computer & cell phone.  I told my dh & let him read it himself then he called him & called him  on it which Skylor said it was just talk.  I don't believe it & neither does his dad but what can we do since grandma is in charge.  We have told her time & time again not to let him have the freedom but I think she is just too old to do anything about it & maybe she is even afraid of him bc he is so big.  My dh put over $1000 into his old truck then gave it to Skylor.  Skylor & his friends destroyed it.  Even though my dh said he was not to sell it that he had to give it back if he didn't want it anymore.  Well, he sold it.  It was a really good, dependable truck.  They jumped on the hood & roof which left big dents.  They busted headlights & that's all that we have been told about.  I think he junked it myself but there is nothing we can do about it now.  My dh signed it over to him when he gave it to him.  Now he hardly calls & visits us.  It's sad & it breaks my heart but we can't do anything about it.  My dh signed a paper to give her the right to get him medical help & he thought that was all.  But I've have read it & gives her the right for everything but it doesn't take my dh's rights completely away.  We found out the other day that she is getting $1200 from social security for him & she gives what is left over after clothes & shoes.  He is going to have a really hard time when he graduates in May & that check stops.  She was always calling here saying she needed money for him & that she was broke.  I knew she was a liar.  I worry about his future.  He had been saying he was going to get a scholarship for college but lately he says he isn't good enough.  I do know that the school has put him in some easy classes & helped him with the work so he can keep his grades up to play basketball for them.  They aren't doing him any favors & his grandma refuses to do anything about it.  The school has never listened to us & refuses to even send us a copy of his grades.  I would get a lawyer but my dh isn't the kind that fights grandma bc she has a relative who is a lawyer & she could keep us in court for a long time & it would be very costly for us.  She has done things to him that he just lets pass, I wouldn't.  I would step in but I think anything I would do would just cause more harm than good. 

Well, sorry for venting again.  You may think that I am just picking on my step-kids but I'm not.  I love them dearly & can't do anything else but vent here about them.  I do love them dearly, I just wish they would open their eyes so they could see how they are hurting themselves.  But I can't do it for them anymore that I could my bio kids.  I pray alot so they are in God's hands. 

[ratchetgirl]

Nov. 15, 2009 at 9:55 AM

Why was he living with his grandma in the first place? I think, the best thing you can do is let him take his road he is on. As bad as it sounds, it seems he had got away with stuff for along time with no punishment, or very little. If he keeps being saved, he is not going to learn.

As far as school goes, what they are doing is wrong. The same thing happend with my dh. His grades were never that hot in highschool, but he was pushed along because he could play basketball well. When highschool was over, he could have gone to college with his basketball but hisgrades were so bad he did not even try. The only thing that saved him, was going in the army. It is sad that they do not know how much life they have at that age. I look back on myself at that age and would love to go hit myself in the head =)

[MOmomof8]

Nov. 15, 2009 at 10:31 PM

My dh late wife was not as great as my dh thinks she was.  She married him knowing that he had been through chemo & he was unable to have kids.  She agreed to those terms.  Then after they married she pushed him to have a baby.  So they went throught the invetro stuff.  She got pregnant but the baby only lived for 10 days.  My inlaws didn't like her just for that pain she caused my dh.  They became foster parents & that's how they got Brandi & Vicki.  Then a girl they knew was pregnant & didn't want the baby.  So they adopted him, which is Skylor.  From the way my dh & girls talk, he could do no wrong.  When she died, my dh was so upset that it was easier to just let him stay at grandma's.  By the time I came along it was way too late to change it.  If we had met just a year earlier, things would be different bc I would have stopped my dh from signing those papers & had him move in with us.  He really is a sweet kid but lacks guidance.  My dh just fell apart for awhile when she died.  They girls were taking care of themselves but that wasn't much different from when she was alive.  My dh worked for AT&T for 30 or so years so she decided to move back with her parents & only had a marriage on the weekends.  When he retired he moved in  with her parents.  Then her parents built a house next door.  So I don't think anyone was correcting the kids until he came down for the weekends.  It's just so strange to me to live like that.  But since my dh wasn't around Skylor got real close to his mom.  His grandma is alot like his mom & I think he stayed over there for that reason.  I just feel sorry for him when reality hits after graduation.  We even tried to work with him on his school work but his grandma refused most of the time for us to be around.  She is in her 80"s & in bad health.  I'm sure that is why she does nothing to correct him.  We have talked about making him move in with us but to tell you the truth, I don't think he would stay & would keep running away.  I'm also afraid that he will hurt my dh in the midst of anger.  I am just abit afraid of him due to his size. 

Yeah, I would like to go back & knock some sense into my head but I know myself too well & I would do what I did anyway.  To bad I past that willfulness & stubbornest to my boys. 

(Original Poster)