Don't Know What To Do.......

[nicholewalters]

Ok, so here is some background on my hubby and I. When we first got together, we used to have sex all the time, he never seemed to be able to get enough.(but, he also used to be addicted to Crystal Meth at the time, which I didn't know about til later). As the years have gone by, both of us have gained some weight and his libido has seemed to drop. He constantly tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me so much, and yet I always seem like its me that is pushing the sex issue. He is also older by 8 years, he is 39 and I am 31. He does have some stress since he is the only one working right now, but I try and take care of him when he gets home by cooking and just making sure he has clean clothes and that the house is picked up and the kids are taken care of.

It just seems that I get rejected more than I get accepted and it hurts each and every time. I just get to the point where I get nervous to even ask. I mean, he isn't mean about it I just usually get, 'I'm tired right now, maybe later or I'm sleeping and I have to get up for work in a couple of hours (even though its 9 or 10 and doesn't have to be up until 4 am). He teases every so often and acts like he wants me. But then when push comes to shove maybe later never happens and I am sitting here frustrated or upset. We don't really have our time together, he considers time spent with me to be any time we happen to be at home together. He could be watching football and I could be on the computer and he still considers that spending time together. We don't have much money and we have 3 children, my two go to their father's house every other weekend, but his 17 year old daughter is home every night even on weekends because she doesn't hang around her friends anymore.

I don't know what to do, I'm sick of getting rejected and being upset with myself. Most of the time I feel unattractive and like our relationship is not there like it used to be. We are already to the been married for years phase and we haven't been. We just go through the daily events raising the children, going to work, going to sleep, and no time for our relationship. It seems sometimes like that is why we are together is to raise the children, not because we desire each other or am completely nuts for each other in love.

I welcome any advice you may have, try to not bash if you can, I just need advice and not more rejection. Thanks.

[sati769leigh]

Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:03 AM

he is a recovering addict? i suspect he has a lot of underlying issues that could be going on in his head. he could also be in need of seeing a Dr for the libido issue. it might be that he is having issues getting an erection. it can happen young, specially when someone used to use drugs. he may be feeling guilty about lies he has told you and be having intimacy issues as well.

speaking as a recovering addict myself, i would suggest couples counceling.

i feel for you hon!! hang in there. talk to him from the heart. tell HIM how you feel about this. see what he says.

[Dani32]

Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:29 AM

My husband and I have had similar issues in our relationship.  (he is 14 yrs older than I..48).  He was under alot of stress..money, kids, job..  I heard the same excuse "I am too tired..right now"   I would let him go to sleep and after a few hours, wake him..  He didn't tell me No once I started.   I went back to work and the tables have turned.  I am the one who says "right now?  I am tired".     I would talk to him about it.