-
No Christmas for us this year :O(
- Nov 16, 2009 at 10:12 AM
- By
- Comments (63) Total Views (2507) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am so unhappy for my children. I can't quit crying this morning. I know this will pass, and my children will be forgiving. When I grew up I never felt "good enough". With good reason though. My mom had 5 kids from 5 different men and when I was 13 she threw the towel in and dumped us off 1100 miles from where she lived. *(long story in first four journal posts) I never once in those 13 years had one Christmas tree, Easter, birthday cake, or any celebration ever. Makes a child feel so unworthy. I never had toys to play with, or friends since we moved every few months from state to state. It was a sad childhood and I will never forgive my mother for that even if I want to (which I have tried) but the scarring just wont heal even though Im almost 40. But that is also another story lol. I dont want my children to look back and remember this Christmas as them not being "worthy" to open a few gifts and it is breaking my heart. <---could just be pregnant hormones though lol.
Maybe it is just pregnancy hormones making me feel this way, but I really doubt it. Last year we were in the same boat $ but.....I freecycled, craigslisted, and had some help from a wuah angel and an organization in St louis (photos below of the yard sales and craigslist toys I picked up). I had 100+ toys (used) that I sorted through , washed up, and gave away because of age appropriation or kept and wrapped:
I also went through their toyboxes and the toys we could not use from yard sales that I had paid for- and gave back to freecyles the donations we had to pass on to make way for new toys to play with and to help others as well.
They might have been used toys, but my children lit up with every package they opened, they didnt know or just didnt care, it was clean and new to them and my heart was happy to see them smile.
This year things arent going so well. My heart is unhappy. Time$ must be getting tough for everyone, yard saling for Christmas toys and freecycling has been almost nil. Prices were too high on toys at yard sales, and there havent been any posts of toys as of yet on freecycling. It is so hard to be a middle income family. Neither of us smoke, or gamble, or waste money on new clothes or lavish with gifts for each other. Shoot I feel guilty when I buy Pantene instead of Suave lol. Being middle income there is NO help out there for us. Everybody turns us away (I swallowed pride and asked) its very nerveracking. Im lucky to get a medical card this pregnancy to pick up the copays. (pregnancy oops- pcos and diabetes led to metformin(a drug causing ovulation) We dont even have 3 bedrooms for three kids. Am I just being selfish from my own childhood woes or am I legitimate in feeling sorry for my kids?
I just dont know what we are going to do. Christmas morning when the kids know its Christmas day, will pile out of their little toddler beds, come out with excited hearts beating , anxious to see the packages Santa dropped off for them, to walk into the living room to an empty tree, and I will be crying, and I wont know what to tell them, or how to comfort their little minds to BELIEVE that its not that they are not worthy or that we dont love them, but I am battling with the issue of how they are going to feel inside, that empty feeling when they get nothing.
My husband works his butt off, and I am in college to become a Registered Nurse, we are not deadbeats. I swear the harder we try, the more the devil bites us in the arse. Things wont always be this way, but how do we get beyond this moment in time. I feel like such a failure. Im sure my husband feels even worse and he picks up all the overtime he can just to make ends meet. I told my husband I will quit school after this semester and start working full time, but he reminded me that daycare costs for 3 kids would kill us, and I dont have any qualifications yet to make much more than minimum wage and it would be like beating a dead horse to make money just to pay daycare, at least being in school is potential to make 3x as much eventually.
HOw do the rest of you deal with Holidays when you know you are going to come up short? Am I legitimate in my heartache crying here or is it just hormones? How do I explain to my kids that they are not at fault and keep them in confident feeling instead of breaking their hearts?
Comments:
When we were kids, we were really poor. One christmas for gifts my granpa gave us rides on his moving dolly. That's my brothers favorite christmas memory. It doesn't have to be big to be good, it just has to be good. I hope you guys find a way to be happy. :)
It's not about the gifts under the tree...It's about being a family, and being together.
I sincerely know this sweety. And if my kids were a bit older than 3 and 4, they might comprehend it more, but all the other kids at school, and all tv promotes is good kids get gifts. All the good kids on Santa's list get gifts, and the ones on the naughty list do not.
Once when I was 7, not knowing I was as good as everyone else I went to a friends parents house who made friends with my mom on Easer morning. The little girl in my class was showing me all the goodies the Easter bunny brought her, the candy, the toys, the things I never seen as a child (and my mom was not poor she just didnt care) and when this "April" asked, "What did you get?" and when I told her nothing - her little eyes got as big as half dollars and she said "OOOOohhhhh, you must have beennn bah bah bahhhhh BAD!" I shrunk inside myself a bit more as a child recessively emotionally. Thats the part I dont want my kids to feel. At 3 and 4 it will be hard to get them to understand that.
When we were kids, we were really poor. One christmas for gifts my granpa gave us rides on his moving dolly. That's my brothers favorite christmas memory. It doesn't have to be big to be good, it just has to be good. I hope you guys find a way to be happy. :)
That is a wonderful story! I love it. We could get out the riding lawn mower, (jimmy loves that) and let him steer! While Abbey who is deathly scared of it will run and hide and cry lol but Im sure we could find something she likes as well. thank you for your comment, very touching dear.
Can you make them gifts? Or even afford to go to the dollar store and put together some art kits (that's what I had to do one year for my kids and they loved it). I spent about $15 total at the dollar store and got them crayons, coloring books, markers, stencils, etc and decorated shoe boxes to keep them in. Also, if you have empty water or milk jugs, you can decorate them and personalize them to make them banks. I also make dolls out of old clothes, or new doll clothes out of old clothes, you can find patterns online for free. I completely understand the no money, we're in the same boat with being in school and working and daycare being so expensive. Have them help make x-mas pancakes for breakfast (we use food coloring and sprinkles) to start a tradition, maybe with hot cocoa. My older stepdaughters, who live in Texas and aren't with us on X-mas anymore remember the family stuff we did, and that's what they miss. I hope a Christmas angel finds you!
Sharey, my heart breaks with your story!
I do know that churches do adopt families at Christmas to give presents to. Please check this out in your area. Your children, at their ages, should not do without!
LaceyGirl...that was quite rude. I doubt she was trying to make you feel sorry for her. She was just sharing her story in her journal post! Geez.
I know how you feel. We have been very slowly shopping sales for the past few months to get ready for Christmas. It's a tough year. My son is only 2 and doesn't really know what Christmas is, but I want him to get to experience the pretty tree, the stockings, and the presents. =) I want him to look back on pictures of the tree we all decorated and all the excitment and know that it was for him. Keep your head up...you still have a little while before Christmas. Maybe something will give and you can get your little ones a little something.
ake homade presents draw each other cards hug alot your kids have love and shelter you'll be surprised how much they understand
im sorry to hear about the tough times, im a single mom of 3 and idk how im going to make christmas work for my kids, i dont have any help from their father and i dont make that much money. But like they are saying, its being with family that counts and im a believer in that. Sending heartfelt wishes for you that things get better....
My son is four and we never buy more than two gifts for him and is given clothes and something hand made. I usually make blankets or something for him. I told him this year I wanted him to pick out the fabric for his blanket and his eyes lit up and he gave me this big smile then asked if I could make him a transformer blanket. :) of course he can!
My son has never had a big Christmas. We save up for a tree and he helps us pick it out.
When I was a kid I didn't have the biggest Christmas and I got a lot of useful gifts like sewing stuff. It was the best Christmas ever. I loved having waffle breakfast and hanging out with my family.
One year it was so tight my Dad bought a tiny palm tree and we decorated it. We still laugh about it today.
Kids use to snub their noses at me because I didn't have the newest and coolest thing but were jealous of my talents like my sewing and creativity, my sisters artistic talent with her drawings and paintings, and my brothers love of science. But you know what? My parents at least noticed that and bought things to help those areas grow.
This year we are only exchanging gifts with my family of things we made ourselves. I am making the women and girls cute aprons :). The boys are getting quilts.
Just be creative! I am sure things will be great. I know how it feels to not feel good enough. My family has done some things right but I have many stories of abuse from family friends, abuse from an ex, and other issues. It has taken me 6 years to finally realize that I am good enough and my family will love me no matter what happens in our finances.
My son's favorite thing is to help me make shapes with the cookies, helping me decorate the house, singing christmas carols, and going to the craft stores with me so we can find something fun to make to decorate the house.
Already a member? Click here to log in
Mila Kunis' Weight Gain Is No Cause for Concern
It's not about the gifts under the tree...It's about being a family, and being together. The world perceives the christmas holiday as presents and all that but just remember what the holiday is really about. Do something as a family. Gather on the couch for some good old holiday classic movies, or if there's snow, build a snow family. I know it's hard because the kids always expect gifts, but where is the family values these days? Wish I could be more help..
- poetress1218
Message Friend Invite