Why Lord Why??????? (long)

[nicholewalters]

Ok, so here is the story-My ex and I moved down here to Arizona to start our lives over again because at the time we were living in a homeless shelter with our DDs in Minneapolis. His grandparents, my DD's great grandparents said they would allow us to stay with them. When we moved down here, they made rules. All of my ex's paychecks would be put into an account for us to save, the account would be under their name and my money would be used to pay for diapers, etc. We agreed because we had nowhere else to go. I found out my ex was cheating or planning to cheat on my again, so I left him. Now I had nowhere to go, so I started staying at the hotel I was working at but I didn't know how long that would last because I didn't have much money. So, to make sure my DD's were taken care of, I had them stay with their father. When it came time for me to leave, I asked for half of the money that they had socked away from his paychecks since mine had all been used for our DDs; they laughed in my face and told me if I didn't get out, they would physically throw me out. So, I left with nothing except what belongings I had.

I would go over every morning to watch and spend time with my girls. Then I moved in with a co-worker and her husband so I had a place to stay. I had my ex bring over my oldest daughter to spend time with me, and then my co-worker claimed that my daughter who was only about 4 had hurt her son and could no longer come over. My ex and his grandparents didn't believe me. They used it against me instead. I ended up getting fired from my job because I fell asleep trying to cover two 10 hour shifts because my co-worker who happened to be the assistant GM of the hotel, was hoeing around in the hotel rooms with her little boyfriend. I miscalculated a night audit because I woke up with very little time to finish ( the Gm was hiding money in various places to keep from paying a ton of taxes), so my co-worker fired me. Then she left her husband for her boyfriend and took off, since I had no place to go I had to go with her. This entire time after the incident with my daughter, I hadn't seen my girls. Finally, I moved in with my mom after my co-worker abandoned me in her apartment!

I was served divorce papers by my ex who wanted sole custody. Now, to let you know about my ex, he will let anyone order him around, especially his grandparents. In the paperwork it said if I disputed the papers I would have to pay for his lawyer and court fees, I wasn't working at the time and I had never been to court in my life, so I didn't know what I was doing. I never responded in fear of gaining a huge bill. After September 11th, we got back together, I had never received a court date up to that point. We moved in with his cousin into an apartment with our DDs. His cousin asked him one night if my ex still wanted him to go with him to court. I asked why are you going to court? My ex told me it was our divorce, and that he would be telling the judge joint custody since now we were together again. His cousin also swore that he would not let my ex lie. This was the night before and I was scheduled to work a 12 hour shift at my job that I had and I was the only shift manager scheduled so I could not get the day off. When I got home that night, everyone told me it was fine and it was as they said it would be. I asked for the paperwork and was told that they would be sending copies to us. When they were at work, I looked all over the apartment and found the papers, the court had awarded him sole custody.

We lived together for about 6 more months and all of a sudden he was leaving me ( he had been cheating again), well he took my children and went back to his grandparents house. I soon found out that there was no way to enforce my visitation because he and his grandparents had made my visitation so vague. I didn't see my daughters for a year. Finally he gave them to me when his girlfriend was going to kick him out. I had him sign the papers which gave me sole custody.

After that, his grandparents started bugging me about giving them guardianship of my DD's, I said no which they were really pissed off about. But they still served me with paperwork and we went to court. They filed in the wrong court and so it got thrown out. After that, they then took me to court for grandparents rights, they were trying to get my kids for any time they were out of school, the entire summer, and every other holiday which means except for weekdays and my every other weekend and holiday they ended up having them for more time then I did. I fought back and now they get every other weekend and two weeks in the summer. Well, there  is another side to this. My ex's grandparents are obsessed with my children, especially my 9 year old Katie. Grandpa and Katie spent a lot of time together over the years and I think are a little too close. Every time my kids are over at their house, my 13 year old sleeps in her own bed, but they have the 9 year old sleep in between them. We have told them many times to not let my 9 year old sleep with them, but they continue. The grandparents moved to Idaho about a year ago and wanted us to send the children up for visits which neither myself or my ex could afford. Then they wanted for us to send our girls up at the beginning of this school year which we refused. They had come down here for two weeks this past summer and still were having my 9 year old sleep in between them so we cut off all visits.

Now they have come back down here until February or March because 'they want to get Grandma out of the cold' but we think it is to try and spend every moment with my children.

I didn't find out they were down here by conventional methods, no, my 9 year old and I ran to get something to eat one night and when we came home (everyone else was out or sleeping at a friends), there was a truck parked in front of my house. It wasn't running, no lights, no nothing. We got out of the car and her grandfather steps out of the truck. They had called my husband and my husband told them that he was playing poker and I was spending time with the 9 year old that night. So he just decided to show up. It was creepy like he was staking out my house waiting for us to come home, what kind of people do that? They have tried to force their visitation papers on my ex so they can see the children but they moved out of state which since then my ex and I have our own arraingements. And we kindly let them know that they moved out of the state so the agreement needs to be fixed. The kids grandfather told my husband one day when they were here over the summer that he had tried to go pick my 9 year old up after school one day but went to the wrong school. How creepy is that, he would have picked her up without telling us. It scares me. And then the other day, he just shows up at the door again saying he wants to see the kids, my husband tells him they don't get out until 4. So grandpa leaves. My husband goes to pick up the 9 year old saying he doesn't want her walking home alone today because grandpa is in the vicinity, well when he goes to walk out of the house, Grandpa is back and sitting in front of the house in his truck waiting. My husband goes to get our 9 year old and lets her spend 5-10 minutes with her grandfather. Then this weekend, my ex against my wishes lets the grandparents see my children, only my 9 year old went because the 13 year old hates them. So as soon as they get the 9 year old, they start pumping her for information. They ask her things like, 'Do they feed you' and 'Do you wear clean clothes to school?'. I am so ready to take someone's head off it isn't even funny. I am so sick of the drama and the bullshit. My husband seems to think they will try and call CPS on us to try and get my 9 year old if we keep refusing to let them see her. We don't have anything to worry about, but I can't keep living with all this damn stress. I just want these people to go away, my children don't need the destructiveness they bring to our lives. My 9 year old already has problems in school because of the way they used to let her do whatever she wanted in their home with no discipline. Sorry, I just wanted to vent, 8 years of crap will do that to a person. Thanks!!!!!!!

[shannipoo714]

Nov. 16, 2009 at 11:48 AM

I'm sorry you have to go through this...stay strong for your daughters!