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sad about my childrens adoption outcome
- Nov 16, 2009 at 3:56 PM
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- Comments (22) Total Views (541) Everyone can see this journal post.
This has been a very stressful day for me. A while back I signed paperwork to have my children adopted by there foster parents because they became very close to them and they could provide my children with way more than I could even think of providing for them. I thought they would be happier being raised in a family with both a mother and a father, and in a family where they would not need or want for nothing.
Upon signing the paperwork the foster mother gave me a written contract and it was agreed with DCF that what the foster mother was agreeing to was okay with them. The foster mom agreed that I would be a part of my childrens lives, they would always know that I am there mother, and that once a month the foster mother and I would get together and exchange pictures and I would give her things I wrote throughout the month to give to my children when they were older to show them that I love them dearly and that I was doing what I thought was best for them and to show them that they are always on my mind. It was also agreed that I would be able to see my children during holidays like thanksgiving, christmas, my birthday, their birthdays and on mothers day; however, when the foster mother spoke to DCF this week to let them know that she was going to meet up with me this coming Friday DCF told her that this is the last time we can meet up and after that if I want to send them letters I would have to send them to the state and they would read them and remail them directly to her, and if she wanted to send pictures she would have to do the same thing. They told her that we can not be in contact after this meeting even after the adoption goes through.
This really has me in a lot of emotional pain because I would never have allowed the adoption to go through if I had known that the contract didn't mean anything and I would not be able to see my kids or keep in contact with their adoptive mother. I believed the contract and I believed that I would be able to play a role in my childrens lives. This hurts so deep inside I can't stop crying since getting this news. The foster mom is upset about this as well because she believes that once the adoption is final she should be able to make the decisions and wants to stick by the contract she gave me. I do not blame the foster mom. I blame the state and it hurts alot. DCF is messing with my children and me, but it hurts worse knowing that it is going to affect my children and the state doesn't care.
The only reason I am alive today is because of the contract that was signed and I believed I would be in my childrens lives. I will not be alive when they are 18 due to some serious health issues I am going through that won't get better so it saddens me that what time I do have left will be spent without my children. I can't help but ask myself if it is worth sticking around knowing I am going to die before I ever get the chance to see them again. The pain I am feeling inside is so hard to put words to. All I want is to see my children and tell them I love them and hold them in my arms again but that won't happen and it is crushing me.
I don't know what to do. I thought I did what was best, and although I know they are better off and a lot happier, I now wish that I had never made the choice I made. All I can do is pray that my children will forgive me, and they will one day read the writings I gave to their soon to be adoptive mom and see just how much I loved them and continue to love them.
Crystal and Mark, you are my world and I hope you know mommy really loves you. You two are my angels, you changed my life in so many ways, and gave meaning to my life. When I had you my whole life changed and I had the strength to get up in the morning and see your smiling faces and watch as you grew and learned new things. I loved each and every moment we shared together and I am sad that those times have come to an end. It is sad that DCF is hurting you in such a way, and I could change it I promise you I would, but I can't. I pray that your lives bring you joy and happiness and a life filled with meaning. I will love you forever.
Comments:
I too agree with "godsproperty07". but also know that DCF well ....... I personally think that they are not thinking of the children. It's not like you are a drug addict,drunk,dirty house, etc. And if the Adopt Mom says its good and ok for the kids to have you in their lives..... then who is someone (state) to judge ANYTHING and make the decision for someone elses wishes?????
You and the adopt mom do what is best for your kids, don't allow the state to dictate how you all live your lives. To them its just a job..... they go home at 5. To you all its life,love, and a way for those kids to have your memory with them forever...... take care sweet mom, prayers and thoughts are with you all....
The final say should be between you and the adoptive parents. I would think once the adoption was finalized that DCF should not be involved any longer. My heart truly goes out to you and I cannot imagine your pain. I am sending prayers your way. Please don't give up-find out your rights get some legal advice.
Thanks for all the prayers. I have been crying all day and I am just really struggling. I took more meds then I should have to try to calm down but im still really upset. Tired as hell from crying all day but I doubt I will be able to sleep at all. Im so worked up and heartbroken and even heartbroken doesnt say how I feel I just dont know what other words to use. Im just struggling and I miss my kids so much. Im just hurt that DCF would do this and it hurts that they are affecting my children like this. I feel like my whole life came crashing down today again and I am going insane. I just dont trust myself when I am feeling this depressed. I appreciate all the prayers and I hope God still has a place for me in his heart. He doesnt seem to hear my prayers but I keep praying hoping that one day he will hear me,
More prayers for you. Please don't give up on anything. Life is precious and God only gives you what you can handle. You are a strong woman. Don't forget that!
I am crying right along with you. I am so sick of the LAW thinking they know what is right for children. I am telling you if I was the parent who adopted your children I would DO AS I WANTED TO DO PER AGREED WITH YOU THE MOTHER! DCF I am guessing is the same as CPS here and they make so many mistakes with children including my grandchildren! They do not own you, it is not their life but yours and you and the adopting parents if nothing else should sneak visits and continue to let your children be a part of your life if this was agreed. I have sent out prayer request for this. God be with you and your children! We will be praying for your heath as well.
I don't understand this at all. Once an adoption is final, the children are legally the children of the adoptive parents. Unless DCF is going to be an on-going presence in their lives after the adoption is final, they don't have a say in who the adoptive parents allow their kids to visit. Is there a reason why DCF would still be involved AFTER the adoption is final?
DCF shouldnt have any say in the matter after it is final. That is correct but they are threatening the foster mother that after this friday when she drops me off pictures of the kids and I give her the christmas presents for her to give to them she is no longer allowed to meet up with me and I cant see the kids or they will remove the kids from her house and place them elsewhere. It makes no sense to me because dcf was the one who helped write up the contract as to how many visits a year pictures, and all that and now they are going against it. The adoptive mom wants me to always be a part of their lives and see them guite a few times a year but now she is afraid that DCF will take them from her if she allows them to see me which is crazy cause I never once abused my kids and if I see someone abusing their children I freak out badly. This is all dcf does is destroy lives. I dont care that they are hurting me, I care more about the fact that they are harming my children emotionally. Without my children I am nothing. Nothing at all
So right now the kids are foster kids and DCF has control. You should probably contact the caseworker and ask her what changed that caused them to make this decision. I'd also find out what is happening with the adoption and when it will be final. AFTER the kids are legally adopted AND the adoption is FINAL, the adoptive mom can do as she wants. I have to tell you though, that once the adoption is final, the adoptive parents do not have to live up to the contract unless they want to and if they should decide not to, there is nothing you can do about it. Those contracts are not legally enforceable once an adoption has taken place. I feel so bad for you and what they are putting you through. NEVER think of yourself as nothing, you are a courageous mom who did what you felt was best for your children. I hope things get better for you.
Who told you this?
As an adoptive family I can tell you that when I insisted that the natural mother would be in our son's life....it was honored. We adopted him through foster care and there was nothing that Children Protective Services can do once the adoption is final. Also, an adopted child's parent can have the adoption changed back to non-adopting p to 1 year. I know it to be so; because we had a very good attorney and my husband also had hired one for Michelle...our son's mother. We paid for her counseling and everything when she decided to adopt Jordan to us. I wanted to make absoltely sure that she knew what she was doing and that the state knew that she would be a part of his life.
An open adoption means just what it says. OPEN to everyone that is involved.
However, we did quit foster care because when the new administration came in; the foster care program seemed more business that helping out families; and getting them back together. That is not why we became foster parents.
I am so sorry that ou are hurt and I will be praying for a chang in the attitudes and the hearts of everyone involved.
I do have to say that something in this isn't right.
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My heart is so heavy for you. It breaks my heart to read this. I can not imagine the pain in the decision to let them go and now the retracting of the contract. I dont know if you can take this case in front of a judge or not. Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts my friend, my sister in Christ. Turn your thougths to God often and allow Him to guide you and speak into your heart. I pray for healing in your life for your burdens and heaviness to be lifted. May God open a door for you and your children, and for His love to embrace you all. Know that God is bigger then DCF and can open doors that no man can close.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
- godsproperty07
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