I'm one of those parents that screams at their kid like they are a psycho....

[kozatad]

I've tried...I really have. And apparently I am incapable of 2 things. 1. Remaining calm while disciplining. 2. being a good mother.

I thought I could be a good parent, but every day it is proven to me just how much I suck at this.

I am so sick of cleaning up after someone...or having to scream at him to get him to do stuff. I am so sick of MY stuff that gets ruined because he isn't listening. I am so sick of the constant state of mess that my house is in because even when I make sure it is clean, he destroys EVERYTHING in a matter of seconds. I can't stand the fact that I try and work things out so we can spend time together, but what end up happening is me having to stop working 100000 times a day to scream at him for not listening to what I am saying, and making messes.

Never in my life have i failed so miserably at something. And never so much in my life have I wished I never would have had a kid. Almost every day I hate my life. It NEVER used to be like this. When he was a baby it was easy to 'roll with the punches'. But now that he is a toddler with a mind of his own...the fact that he is CHOOSING to act like a snot, and choosing to not listen to me, and choosing to be destructive makes me wondering why in the heck I ever thought parenting would be something worth doing.

I hate that when I scream at him I look like a freaking psycho. I hate that I can go all day not doing it, trying to do things the 'right way' only to have it proven to me that actually treating him with respect and kindness gets me no where. I hate the terrified look on his face when I scream. And although it doesnt always work...it's success rate is far higher than being nice/respectful/quiet with him.

Maybe he hates me? Or enjoys the fact that we can never spend time together? I realize that he is just a small child, and that none of this is (probably) deliberate...but it sure doesnt feel like it. It feels like everything I do to make things better for us, ends up spiraling downward into a giant pile of flaming crap, and only messes things up further.

I just don't know what to do. I want to go back to having ENJOYABLE time with my son. I miss him, I miss what our relationship USED to be. I miss waking up in the morning happy to see his little face and looking foward to our day together.

I can't do this for another 15 years...If I wanted to be miserable and hated so much in my own home...I would have stayed married to my (ex)husband.

[kozatad]

Nov. 17, 2009 at 3:09 PM

[sati769leigh]

Nov. 17, 2009 at 3:43 PM

oh momma ((((hugs))))

[kkbird]

Nov. 17, 2009 at 5:23 PM

Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear this.  I have sometimes had a moment or two just like you, but what I have come to realize is : the dishes and laundry,house work can be done together with the child, pull up a chair and allow him to help you with some of it.  It may take longer, but it makes them feel important, and like they are helping mommy. Also try to stop what you are doing at the moment that he is feeling overwhelmed and pull out something for you two to do together, coloring, cars, games, etc.  Then allow him to finish by saying 'oh, mommy's gotta finish doing.....(whatever), you stay here andwork on...(whatever) and mommy will be right back, Ok???  

See how that works for a few days.  I have a 3yr girl and a 5 yr old boy, he goes to school but she is with me all day.  We do house work together and she helps me with dinner aswell as my son, getting things for me helps me pack Dad's lunch and it has calmed them down alot for me to include them in my daily routines....Just this morning my 3 yr old brought me the laundry basket and said mom its time to wash them..... we had just washed all of them yesterday...lol.

but seriously try to do some of this and let me know how it works for you.  take care