My Justice

[joker281967]

I decided to start a journal as we take this next big step with my youngest son, Justice, the light of my life. He has a condition called hydrocephalus which is a term for water on the brain. He has also developed 2 subdural hematomas in which they drained 3 months ago when they placed the shunt but they have come back. He is now facing his second surgury come this Monday. I really can not describe how I feel. I am almost numb at this point. I am feeling that this has gone to far and the doctors have not done a good job. Why I say that? Because when he was born the docs looked at his funny shaped (though still cute) head and said he has PLagiocephaly and would need a helmet. WE did that and within this time frame a God from the place that was doing my sones fittings realized something wasnt right and made the docs do a MRI that determined my baby has hydro. At this point since it went undetected so long it had gotten out of hand, that is where the hematomas come into place. His condition caused this because the shunt wasnt placed in time and the pressure caised the hematomas. I really dont like the docs anymore. I feel they could of stopped this had they properly dxed him. Now he is going in for round 2 when he shouldnt of needed it. I hate the world. I am mad and I am scared and I really dont know what to do besides hold my little man and cry. I need God at this point. So God if you read this remember Justice and how I need him. I need him just the way he is. I can not bear to think that he might not be the same anymore. He seems so healthy and strong and it is hard for me to fathom that this is happening to the man I love so much, my baby. Please keep him strong and bring him back to his brothers and sisters. I just couldnt handle life without my kissy bear. God please take care of him as we go through this. Please keep me strong for my husband and kids. Let everything go well for Justice and lets eat some turkey this Thanksgiving, remember it will be his first, he was to little last year and he loves to eat and is looking forward to that pumpkin pie and turkey. I love you God and Justice, Mommy loves you more than words can say. W e have had a lot more bonding time than I have had with your sisters and brothers. You know how mommy loves when you hold her hand and I look forward to that after  surgury...Love, Mommy

 

I LOVE YOU MR JUSTICE--KISSES FOR YOU

[kkbird]

Nov. 18, 2009 at 3:47 PM

My heart and prayers are with you.  I lost my son at 5 1/2 mos due to " his skull not going together" big word and not sure how to spell it (Ensephlacile) ?????  take care precious momma and Justice....