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Christmas is coming... but I dont know where from
- Nov 19, 2009 at 12:27 AM
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- Comments (4) Total Views (269) Everyone can see this journal post.
So, here I am back in Michigan. Away from my boyfriend, and jobless. But! with Family and Sophia is in 'her' school again, so she's happier.
Some other financial crap has happened and it looks like Christmas will be exceptionally bleak this year.
It reminds me of the best worst Christmas I ever had as a kid.
It was 1980, I was 7, and my family had moved from California to Michigan the summer before. Christmases in Cali were always great, big family, good income, lots of presents, but no white stuff on the ground. This year we were all excited about a white christmas, even though Mom swore up and down that it would be a very small Christmas, like she did and still does every year. At age 7, how could I comprehend that there wouldn't be a dozen or even half a dozen toys for each of us four kids? Not to mention the clothes, and other 'staples'. Sure, it would be smaller because the aunts, uncles, and grandparents were all still in Cali, but still... Mom and Dad were "Santa" right?
3 weeks before Christmas we got into a low income housing place, and we'd be moving the week before Christmas. Of course at 7 I had no idea of any of this till mom started packing my room and no clue how much it affected what little funds my parents had. We got into the new house, and began working on unpacking. I began asking about the Christmas tree. Finally a few days before Christmas I realized and Mom confirmed there was not going to be a tree, even though we had a ratty artificial one in the basement that mom had picked up for $5 that summer. No one knew where it was and Mom and Dad were in no mood or energy to drag it out. I guess they were pretty depressed too, they literally had no money for gifts, what they had managed up to this point would be it. Some socks, and underwear for each of us. A toy from the local charity store for the two youngest kids, a brother and myself. An orange, an apple, and a toothbrush for our stockings.
Us kids were off school for a few days before the big day of course. Four of us in the house with little to do. I was the baby, and the only girl... I may not have ruled the roost as far as my brothers were concerned (they hated me! lol) but when I decided the oldest two should find the tree and decorations so we could put it up while Mom and Dad were at work, they all agreed. We went to work. Mom cried when she got home, then she had to wait till dad got home to share her surprise with another adult. She cooked dinner while we waited for dad to come home. Dad is a quiet man, and not given much to emotion, but now I look back and as a parent I realize it must have been bitter sweet to him. Here his kids were so eager for a holiday he couldn't muster up a decent meal for let alone presents and how could you not smile and hug those same kids for working so hard to make the house more festive?
When they got the whole story... well needless to say it's a huge part of our family history how the baby girl made the big bad big brothers put the tree up. What none of them knew till many years later was how that Christmas was my personal favorite because of one thing, and one thing only. What I remember most about that Christmas, and still cherish to this day is that one little toy my mom got at the charity store.
A handmade, second hand rag doll complete with patchwork dress and white pinafore.
On Christmas morning there she was, sitting under the tree just as pretty as can be, splayed out among the few packages. MY DOLL. She was mine, no one else's and of course we all knew it. She is the only toy I got from anyone that year. I loved her and slept with her for many many nights that year. Of course that was when little girls didn't have idols like Hannah Montana or Selena Gomez. Raggedy Ann and Holly Hobby were the roll models, and Baby Alive was cool, but much much too babyish for me and besides I got that two christmases ago. We didnt have more then 3 channels with the antennae and never watched TV, I had no idea what was popular that year!
I still have that doll. Through many twists and turns my daughter ended up with a Raggedy Ann and Andy Nursery, and all my Raggedy Ann dolls from my child hood. One with a music box in her belly from my favorite Aunt, a set of wall hangings from God only knows where, and my handmade, second hand Raggedy Ann whom I love.
As I look at just how bleak this Christmas is going to be, I find myself So THANKFUL for this memory because It gives me hope that even though she may not get much, this may be the year that one really simple gift captures her heart and christmas memories.
Of course, I still cry because it hurts my heart to be this broke, and I feel so bad going to places that help kids have better Christmases, but I do it...because I can swallow my pride for my girl. SHe may not have the biggest or best Christmas this year. It definitly wont be as nice as she has had every other year of her life, but we have each other, and if nothing else...Raggedy Ann might get a new dress and pinafore just for the holidays.
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this is lovely and a wonderful sentament thank you for sharing!
- Jezture
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