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"Sometimes I get tired of Life, but I never get tired of living"
- Nov 19, 2009 at 12:58 PM
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- Comments (2) Total Views (78) Everyone can see this journal post.
Somedays I feel like.. well like I can't feel anything!
We have been on unemployment almost a year now(since january of 09) and I was working for a little while which helped my depression a little bit but also made things worse because it upped my stress level so much.
We are moving to taylor this saturday and we have lots of things to pack still and I can't bring myself to do anything. I feel like I am gonna cry but can't... I want someone to talk to but there's nobody and at the same time I wouldn't know what to say. I'm tired but I'm wide awake and unable to sleep at the same time. I'm stressed and panicked but also calm... I'm just all over the map and I'm not suicidal or anything but I just don't know if I can handle my rollercoaster emotions much longer. I feel like at any moment I could explode but the problem is my husband is depressed too, whether he admits it or not, so I know I can't explode into a million peices because I'd have to find a way to pick up the peices myself!
I have no friends close enough to talk to in person at all anymore... everytime I try to make friends I screw it up because I'm so depressed and forgetful and stressed out so i never manage to keep in contact long enough to form any real friendship with people.
I need to get help again because I went to one session before we became unemployed and I thought she might help me but then hubby came home early telling me he lost his job(with no warning at all) and we only had one week or so left of health insurance. I went to one more session but how could she help at all when I had just been blindsided by the loss of his job. She offered to see me and my husband together for one session to see if she could at least get us started on the right track to avoid a disastrous turn in our marriage. Hubby agreed to go but then never made it possible because we were relying on his brother to watch the kids and he never really pushed him to tell us when he could. I could have but the men in his family tend to dismiss me because I'm a woman so it wouldn't have made any difference and it didn't when I tried.
Hubby is now trying to quit smoking as of yesterday... but his dad just came to get him and he's likely to gone all day and his dad drives us both crazy so I doubt he's going to come home without having smoked whole pack let alone smoke free.
anyways... it's been so long since I've been on here so I doubt anyone will even end up reading this. Like I said I wish I had someone to talk to but even if I did I just wouldn't have anything real to say... it would be random venting and complaining like this post... I feel so scattered I'm sure this post makes no sense at all...
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Prayed for you and your family . Hope things get better very soon for you all. A new beginning is around the corner.
God bless
- adamsmom05
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