Milo's Birth

[Rachelou]

Its been two weeks since we welcomed baby Milo, and as I reflect on his birth and the months leading up to it I feel a strange mix of emotions.  Of course there's the overwhelming adoration I feel for my son.  I knew all along that I would have enough love for two children, I just had no concept of just how much love that would be.  Then I feel sadness that I brought this precious, perfect new life into a broken family...that he will never know his mom and dad together and in love.  And then I feel amazement that somehow I was able to bring this baby into the world surrounded by peace and love in spite my life being in a state of turmoil.  What I've learned is that I am much stronger than I ever realized I could be.

Although the circumstances under which I went into labor were far from ideal, I still managed to achieve my ideal birth.  I was at Glenn's house on Wednesday afternoon, November 4th when my water began to leak.  I took Shine to use the potty, and when I lifted him to put him on the toilet I felt a sudden gush of fluids.  I knew that my bag of waters hadn't broken, but that the outer membrane of my bag had ruptured, as this was exactly what happened when I was pregnant with Shine.  My midwife told me then that I would most likely go into labor within 24 hours, and it ended up being 12 hours later that I began having contractions, and 5 1/2 hours after that Shine was born.

I started to panic.  Not for any legitimate reason, but I was only 39 weeks and had been certain that I would at least make it to my due date.  I was not ready to have this baby yet.  I felt completely unprepared, like there were still so many things I needed to get done, although none of them really mattered.  I knew that there was no avoiding labor if my baby was ready to come, but I still hoped that it was all a fluke and that I could trick my body into thinking it wasn't quite time yet.  If I could just hold off a few more days...  ha.

I told Glenn what was going on and he asked me if I wanted to load up and go to my sister's house where I was planning on birthing.  I told him not yet, that we had plenty of time and that I just wanted to relax.  In a last ditch effort to get me to have the baby at his house he offered to drive to Asheville and pick up my pool and birth supplies and suggested that I just stay.  That wasn't going to happen.  His house was filthy, the toilet was still broken and there were still a bunch of random people staying on the farm.  These were the three things I asked him to take care of if he really wanted his baby to be born at his house, and he hadn't done anything.  It obviously wasn't as important to him as he wanted me to think it was, so I would be having my baby at my sister's clean, comfortable home in West Asheville.  I was, however, content to just relax and hang out for a few hours since I wasn't having contractions yet, and I was still secretly hoping to avoid labor altogether.  I asked him to watch Shine so that I could take a bath.

I got in the tub with a few drops of lavender oil and began to breathe deeply.  I remember thinking to myself that if I could just stay right there for the next few days I would be golden....and then I realized how self-defeating and pointless that would be since I couldn't get all my oh so important tasks completed from the comfort of a bathtub.  I was only in the bath for a few minutes when I heard an all too familiar voice coming from the kitchen.  That shrill, irritating voice.  It was her.  The woman who played a key role in the death of our relationship.  The one he swears up and down that he was "just cuddling" with when his 9 year old son caught them in bed together.  He let her in the house, and this was not okay....not at all.  Not right now, of all times.  My heart began to race and my face felt hot and flushed.  I got out of the tub, threw a towel around myself and came raging out of the bathroom screaming for her to get the hell out.  Her eyes caught mine, and although she looked startled and somewhat terrified, she wasn't moving fast enough.  Glenn tried to calm me down as I searched my peripheral vision for something to throw at her. As she inched out the back door I heard her say to Glenn, "well, congratulations...let me know."  She was gone, but so was my tranquil state of mind.  I felt furious and betrayed, and I wanted out of that house.  "This is EXACTLY why I shouldn't be here!"  I screamed at him as I threw my things together and tried to get dressed.  My heart was still racing and I couldn't catch my breath.  That's when I felt the first contraction and I knew there was no turning back.

I cried the entire 25 mile drive to my sister's house.  This wasn't right.  This is not how I wanted to bring my baby into the world.  It was exactly the kind of situation that I'd filed in the "Glenn would really have to screw things up for me to not want him at the birth" corner of my mind.  I had wanted him to be part of the birth so badly, but at this point I didn't know if I could handle having him there.

When I pulled into my sister's driveway around 5:00 pm, my brother in law Toby was waiting for me on the front steps.  Glenn had called him and told him I was on my way and that I was in labor, and asked him to have me call if I wasn't too mad.  The look on Toby's face when I pulled up was almost enough to make me laugh.  When I got out of the car he said, "You don't look like you're in labor."  He had clearly expected me to come screeching into the driveway, flashers blinking, horn honking, and to get out of the car panting and screaming in agony.  All I could say was, "Relax, Toby.  It's not like the movies."

We went inside and Toby immediately got to work straightening up the house and getting the pool set up.  He was the only one home with me for a while, and it was obvious that he was nervous and needed to stay busy, which worked out well because there was plenty for him to do.  I made a few phone calls, first to my mom to tell her to get on the road.  She had to make a 6 hour drive to get to me and I was nervous that she wouldn't make it in time.  She would be bringing my younger sister who was 24 weeks pregnant.  I called my older sister at work and she let me know that she could get someone to come in to cover her shift if I needed her to come home early.  I knew that it would at least be a few hours before things got intense so I told her I would call back if I needed her.  Finally I called my friend Odessa, my birth hero.  Dess is the mother of 5 homebirthed babies and a Reiki master, and the one person who I hoped would be able to help me get centered.  I told her what was going on, and asked her to send me some long-distance Reiki for the birth.  At some point I remember telling her that I just didn't know what to do...that I felt so disrespected.  I'll never forget her response.  She said "Rachel, you need to get to a place of feeling connected...connected to your source and to your baby."  She told me to go take a bath and relax, and to talk to my baby for a while.  By the time I got off the phone with her I was beginning to feel much better.  I spent a while in the tub visualizing my perfect birth and asking my baby to help me bring him into the world peacefully.  By the time I emerged from the bathroom I was a whole new person.  I had let go of my anger and decided that despite everything, my baby deserved to have his daddy there to help welcome him to the world.  I called Glenn and told him to come over.

The first stage of labor progressed slowly.  Although my contractions were 2 1/2 to 3 minutes apart, for the first few hours I was still able to laugh and carry on a conversation through them.  I was in touch with my midwife, Kathy, but told her not to rush over and that if I were her I would take a nap:)  I stopped paying attention to the time at some point, but the sun had gone down and my "baby havin' party" was well underway.  My good friend of many years, (and my sister's roommate) Anne had come home, and Glenn and Taylor had arrived, so Shine had his big brother to keep him entertained.  I listened to music, laughed and juggled my Crystal Stix to pass the time.  At some point before the pool was filled I decided that it would be nice to get in for a while.  Shine wanted in too, so I sent him to the potty and put a swim diaper on him and then let him splash around and play until I was ready to get out. 

I was in and out of the pool a lot for the next few hours.  Anne gave me a few amazing back massages while the men kept water heated on the stove and kept the pool warm.  Glenn applied counter pressure to my lower back when I asked him too, and Shine watched "Cars" repeatedly and played his version of "uno" with Anne and Taylor when he wasn't nursing or begging to get back in the pool.  When the contractions began to intensify I had Glenn call Kathy and tell her it was time to come over.  She and her assistant arrived within a half hour, and my sister got home from work around 10 pm.  The only people missing were my mom and my little sister, who were about 2 hours away.

I drank tons of water and peed often, and at some point realized that I really liked being in the bathroom.  The lights were off and Anne had lit candles, so although I enjoyed everyone's company it was nice to have a dark tranquil place to escape to every once in a while and really get in tune with my baby.  I felt so connected to my body and could feel the baby moving down with each contraction.

Around 11:00 I came to the realization that the baby was not going to come until my mom arrived.  It all suddenly made sense that the first stage of labor had lasted so much longer this time around.  I needed her there more than I realized.  I knew that she was probably driving way too fast and freaking out thinking that she wasn't going to make it, so I had my sister call and tell her to relax and reassure her that she would get there in time.

Transition began just shortly before my mom and little sister walked through the door.  Kathy informed my mom that we were getting close and my mom thanked me for "waiting" for her:)  We took this opportunity to take one last belly shot of me and my little sister together.

While I was overwhelmed with relief at my mom's arrival, I could sense some new tension with Glenn, and could tell that he was beginning to feel like an outsider.  So after spending some time with my mom I got out of the pool and in an effort to keep Glenn involved I asked him to come with me to the bathroom.  He helped me through several contractions by massaging my back and supporting me while I stood rocking back and forth.  Once I felt his tension dissipate, I was ready to get back in the pool.

I was at the point where I almost felt like I could fall asleep between contractions, and the space between seemed to last forever.  I felt an indescribable high when I opened my eyes and looked around the room at all these wonderful people that I loved so much.  I felt distinctly connected to every woman who had ever given birth, and every woman who was giving birth with me that night.  It was nothing short of magical.

After lying back and relaxing during an unusually long lull, I got back on my hands and knees for the next particularly intense contraction and I felt the baby's head descend rapidly.  By the time it was over I told my midwife that I was starting to feel pushy.  The next contraction came soon after, and out of nowhere I felt as if the baby was crowning.  I didn't even have a chance to push, and I shouted, "Oh my gosh, the baby is coming...he's coming now!"  (Yes, I said "he."  Guess I knew...)  As my midwife rushed to get her gloves on, she replied "Well catch him, honey!"I reached down and felt what I thought was the head emerging, but then realized that it was the bag of waters bulging, but I could feel his head following right behind.  I was still on my knees and I leaned back against the side of the pool.  I clutched Glenn's hand tightly.  Everything had happened so fast that I hadn't realized how tense I had suddenly become.  My midwife reminded me to relax and just let the baby come, and when I let go of the tension that had overtaken my body the pain disappeared and the baby's head emerged completely with no effort on my part.  My water finally broke at that point, which felt great.  All of the pressure and discomfort I had felt was gone, and I was completely relaxed.  The hard part was over. 

It was after 1 am and Shine was still awake.  He was so wired from the buzz and excitement of the evening that no one was able to get him to sleep, and although he was in quite a mood I was glad that he was going to get to witness his baby sibling's birth.  My sister held him as he cried for me.  I had tuned out the commotion for a while, but when I realized how tired and upset Shine was I tried to calm him down.  I told him that his baby was coming, and asked him to come over and see. 

About that time the next contraction began.  This was the only time I pushed with any significant effort, and after a few seconds my baby was born and I scooped him up in my arms.  He was pretty well tangled in his cord, so Kathy helped me get him situated and I got to look in his little face for the first time.  He was so still and quiet, and seemed incredibly tiny to me.  He was absolutely perfect and I was immediately smitten.

I spent the first few moments completely blissed out, feeling like I could just burst I was so overcome with love for this perfect little being.  Then I lifted the towel to find boy bits and proclaimed "its a boy!"  Baby Milo had arrived.

Shine was still crying for me, so I asked my mom to bring him over so he could meet his new brother.  Shine gave me a hug and a kiss and then tried to climb in the pool.  I told my mom to just strip him down and let him in.  When Shine heard this he ripped his diaper off himself and started to climb in.  As soon as he was in the water with me his mood did an instant one-eighty.  All he wanted all along was to be in the pool with mama.  He was giddy.  He looked at me and said "Hi, mama!" and then knelt down a bit and stroked Milo's head and said "Hi, baby!"  He loved him already, and I was so relieved.  It was perfect.

A few minutes later I felt another mild contraction coming on and knew it was time to birth the placenta.  I was so focused on Shine and the baby at that point that I don't remember exactly what happened except that several minutes later the placenta was still only partially out.  Finally it emerged looking completely healthy and intact, but it was then that I realized just how bloody the water had become.  Kathy told me that she was going to need me to get out of the pool because she couldn't tell how much blood I was losing.  We wrapped Milo up in a towel and handed him off to Glenn, and Kathy and my mom helped me stand and get out of the pool.  I held a chux pad between my legs and before I sat down on the towels and blankets they had set up for me on the floor, I looked down and saw blood gushing out of me.  It was a little unnerving, but I was confident that my birth team could handle the situation. 

The first priority was getting Milo to nurse, which he did immediately.  We invited Shine over to nurse as well, and he and Milo enjoyed their first tandem nursing session.  My mom fed me a kale salad and a few glasses of orange juice while Kathy and her assistant took turns massaging my uterus and Kathy searched for remaining pieces of attached placenta with no results.  It was a little uncomfortable, but not terrible.  I had my boys to focus on and that kept me happy.  I was starting to feel a little lightheaded, and I heard Kathy say "Get the Pitocin."   I received a quick shot in the leg with a giant needle.  My mom commented that I looked pale, and Kathy quickly responded, "Oh, she looks fine."  Looking back I know that she was just trying to keep me from worrying.  Several minutes passed, and Kathy told me that she wasn't able to figure out why I was still bleeding, and if we couldn't get it under control she would have to take me to the hospital.  I told her that I would go if I needed to, but I didn't want anyone touching my baby.  She said, "Your baby's fine, Rachel.  There's no reason for anyone to touch him and we won't let them."  She gave me another shot of Pit, and at some point the bleeding finally slowed.

It had been about an hour since I had gotten out of the pool, and I was ready to try and get cleaned up.  I don't remember exactly who helped me to my feet and to the bathroom, but I was surrounded and supported on all sides.  I made it about halfway there before my vision went black and I had to sit down.  I practically crawled the rest of the way to the bathtub.

It was just as much of an ordeal getting me from the bathroom to my room, but I was finally clean and dressed and in the comfort of my bed.  Kathy came in to check over and weigh Milo.  He weighed in at a mere 8 pounds 7 ounces (about a pound and a half smaller than Shine was:)) and was 20 1/2 inches long.  Ten fingers and ten toes...as perfect as could be.

Kathy left around 4:30 am, once she was sure I was okay and I had been able to get up to pee.  Glenn sat next to me in bed and held Milo for the next few hours while I attempted to sleep.  My body was exhausted but my mind was still riding the high of giving birth.

I was exceptionally weak and tired for the next couple days because of my  severe blood loss, but my recovery was otherwise incredibly easy.  I didn't tear at all, so there was no real swelling or soreness, and I was very pleased at how my belly looked even just 2 days postpartum.  Is it possible to look better after the second kid than I did after the first?  I wasn't expecting that at all:)

I am so thankful that in spite of the chaotic state of my life I was able to find a place of calm where I could bring my baby boy into the world.  I feel so blessed to have been surrounded by people that I love, and that I was strong enough that Glenn's presence didn't interfere with me achieving my perfect birth.  So now I move forward, enjoying every moment with my 2 beautiful little boys, and embracing this newfound strength as I face whatever life has in store for me.

 

[Jess.Jo.King]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 3:58 PM

how awesome Rach!!! Very great birth, I am glad you  found that peace. Taking that time to get Glen to calm down while you  were the one in labor...very touching. You have such a big heart!! Much love and hugs!!!

[tattooedmomma23]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 4:19 PM

Beautiful, thnak you for sharing.

[nacherluver]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 4:27 PM

Congrats on the birth of your new baby boy. Thank you for sharing your birth story. You are one strong lady! Blessings to all.

 

[MamaJen74]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:00 PM

Even in labor you are thinking of other's comfort (Glenn).  You are one amazing woman Rachel.  I'm so glad to know you.  Thank you so much for sharing with us all.  I can't WAIT for the pics!

[LilMonstersClub]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:27 PM

Absolutely beautiful! I can not wait to see the photos -- I'm glad they weren't here now, I was all teary reading anyway -- They would have been blurry *wink wink*

[Lb128f]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:31 PM

[kelley529]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:34 PM

Rachel what a beautiful story, I totally teared up reading it.  Cannot wait to see some pics of baby milo!

[DeZ143]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:48 PM

WOW what an amazing story. thank you for sharing your experience.... all the good and all the bad.... makes it real.

[hrfroggie]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:49 PM

Wow that was an awesome birth story!! Congrats on the perfect birth!!

[Melissa823]

Nov. 21, 2009 at 5:53 PM

Great story, I enjoyed reading!