I got great news from the doctor today

[MOmomof8]

My thyroid level is back to normal.  My cholesterol levels are within the normal levels.  Now I am just waiting for the results of my mammogram.  Last year I had to have a sonogram after my mammogram but it turned out to be nothing.  This year I can feel the lumps so I'm a little bit scared.  I had such a hard time with chemo before so I really don't want to go through it again.  Mostly I don't want to put my family through it again.  My surgery went great, no problems & I recovered quickly.  But when I went to see an oncologist everything started going wrong.  I think I should have changed oncologists after my 2nd visit when I told her my decision.  You see, she wanted me to take part in a study.  I thought about it but decided I wanted to go the already proven way.  I didn't want to be a guinea pig.  I had an 8 year old son, a 15 year old son & a 17 year old son.  They were not ready to be without a mom.  I am my mother's only child, she lost one back in 1958 that she only had for 20 days.  I wasn't ready to leave my mom childless.  It's not right for a child to die before their parent.  Even though my marriage was rocky at best, I didn't want my husband to have to go through it either.   My oncologist was really upset about it.  That was so wrong of her.  It was my life & my decision, nobody Else's.  

I have bad veins so I had to have a catheter put in my chest to get the chemo drugs.  The surgery to put it in went fine.  I had my first chemo treatment & didn't get sick.  I felt fine for 3 days & then it hit me like a rock.  I had to be hospitalized.  My white blood count went completely down to zero.  That meant that anyone who wanted to visit me had to be very healthy.  My oncologist said I would get 6 treatments 3 weeks apart.  Between treatments I had to give myself shots to help increase my white count.  If my white count wasn't high enough then my next treatment had to be postponed.  I was only in the hospital for 3 days.  I was expecting to lose my hair so after showering one night I saw what looked to me like a whole lot of hair in the drain.  So I freaked.  My 8 year old went to investigate the amount of hair & came back to report that it wasn't any more than what I usual did when I shower.  Yes, he would know bc he was my bathroom cleaning freak.  He loved to clean the bathroom.  I think it was bc he could play in the water without getting in trouble.  I didn't mind at all of course since it was one less room for me to keep clean & I hate to clean the bathroom.  I like to change the sheets on the beds, vacuum & dust.  I hated to wash dishes so that was left up to my older 2 boys until I got a dishwasher.  Boy, they sure we happy when I got it, too.  I didn't even mind sweeping & mopping the floor.  My 8 year old did a real good job cleaning the bathroom, he started when he was about 4 years old.  I'm sure it was the playing in the water part that hooked him. 

About 2 weeks after my first chemo treatment I had a pain in my heart.  Now the doctors argued with me about when my pain was but I'm the one feeling it & I knew it was my heart.  I was rushed to the hospital, they took x rays & told me I had pneumonia & a collapsed lung.  Then the doctor gave me morphine, I've never know anyone to get that for pneumonia.  I argued with the doctor for a while but didn't get anywhere.  So the admitted me to a provent room, at the end of a hall, in the corner .  It was like they were hideing me.  The next morning when I woke up , It was worst.  I tried to get help from any one .  I called my mo m & she called the surgeron.  He came reunning into my room., asking what hae been down alread.  He told me to call my family to be here cause if something gose work, I would die.  Most of the fimliy cam.  My dad & husband tood side against me.  I were telling me to br nice to the dotors cause they can messup if uou begg the to much.  But I wanted them to say they were wrong  & I was right.  We augudd about what was happeining & when.  I of course have to try to sho how the were wrong I was write.  They said they would knock me out the thres rest. but the did aliitle but not much.  I ocould here someone say I was right.  So the finally get it done.  They had taken the chatier our & trying to talk me into let them put another insted me.  No think you.  So the put a picline on my are.  The first time I yester it I got blood clots.  They couldn't get the to stay  gone.  I let a nurse giving my my white counter shot & that was a big missaked.  I wanted so bad to scream & pop him one.  I decided to do it my seft after that.  I was starting to look like apin  cunish.  I was in the hopistal for 3 days 3 day after my treatment.  Well, the pick line cause blood clot & they did try to say if but no luck.   These was around the same time my ongolist deciced to cut my number of treatments from 6 to 4.  She siad that the drugs were killing me.  DUDA.....put poison in your body, what happens, you did.  Chemo drugs wer killing me so they decide to cut 2 teatments.  My last 2 treatments were in the hopistal.  They give me the chemo drugs in my neck.  I had no problems until later.  I was washing my hair & it all came out.  I was happy that I had my mom cut my hairs so it was only about 2 or 3 inches long.  After my secend ttreatement was when I lost the most of my hair,  It wasn't so bad since it wasn't long & no mess o clear up.  I were a turbon & my hair came out in it.  This was a fun time for me.  I got up one morning & seen myself in the mirror.  I couldn't stop laughing.  I looked like Uncle fesster in the Adams Family.  My boys told me I didnt & tried to make it all better for me.  But it really did look like him.  I had alwasy whated to look like a famous person, like a princess or something.  But in my make believe world ,it was fine that I looked somewhat strange. 

The thing I wanted most was for my boys to have a nice dinner with all the food groups.  I tried to teach my boys the it is ok to laugh while you are going through stuff.  I assured them that God does.  The last treament was in the hospital & when they were readed to released me I told them someting was wrong, they just didn't listen.  I told them I was feeling really weak & I might pass out.  They called the doctor but he said to send me home The next money I was back in the hospital.  So I had to strart gifing myself shots for my red count.  At that time I was getting 1 once for the white blood count.,   Then I had to give myself a shot for my red blood, 1 shot everyother dad,  it hurt so my much thatn the white blood shots.

It took a wilfe but I finally made it through.  I gave my 17 year a graduation party.  With the cake that turned everyones mouths black..  The was a rough time for us but we do have some nice memories. 

So I hope & pray my mammogam with come back normal.

Things are looking up for me.  Murray's law was right there all the way.  If something can go wrong  I hope the rememeber what I went throut & are propared if fhe floor flays on you.  You can handel anything.  If you are in state of mind & have a great support grou;.

Tags: boys, cancer, murphys law, family

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