Talking...Yuck

[shtteredprnces]

Talking...Yuck:

Sighing, I looked back and forth between the better part of the musketeers, "Boys, we need to talk," I started slowly, already knowing this was not gonna be any fun at all.

"What's up baby girl?" Reg asked with a grin.

"Ok, first off," I held up a finger his way, "No pet names.  New rule." The face I gave him left no doubt that I meant it.

"No pet names...check...wait" he chuckled, "Is jackass still ok?"

"Sure" I shrugged, not seeing how that could be considered offensive, "Jackass works just fine."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?  Do I need to be here for this?" Marcus asked curiously.

"No, that's actually not why I asked you guys to come by," I sighed again, Gawd how I hated talking about anything remotely emotional. Buzzing my lips, I knew this shouldn't take this much effort.  With one more long sigh, I got started, "OK, first off..."

"We already covered first off.." Reg intterupted.

Navigating my middle finger in his direction, I continued, looking at Marcus, "Last night was fun and all, but I think maybe I need to lay down some boundaries, ya know," I gave them a weak smile, "If I want marriage number three to stand a chance,"

Reg shook his head, "Is Blaise whining?"

This is exactly why I didn't want to have this conversation, "No, he's not.  But after laying in bed last night, I came to some realizations." Turning my eyes back to Marcus I said, "The whole thing with the using your pack strength against him, you and J both, it's gotta stop.  How would you feel, ya know?  It's not like he can fight back...and if he tried, there are way more of you guys that would line to kick his ass then there are of him.  It's not really fair."

Marcus looked thoughtful and I could tell he was taking my words to heart, pushing the swing with his toes as he nodded, "Yeah, ok, I see your point there.  So, only Reg can kick his ass, gotcha." he gave me a grin.

"See, that's perfect" I compromised, "Blaise can kick Reg's ass right back and we all still get a laugh either way." I grinned, fairly certain that Blaise could hand Reg his ass on a platter.

"I'm a lover, not a fighter" Reg said, brushing the shoulder of his shirt with a wink and a nod.

"Yeah...ok" I rolled my eyes.

"What else?  If I'm still allowed to kick his ass, you must have something aimed at me," Reg said, leaning back against the swing and placing an arm behind us on the top.

"Everyone needs to respect the fact that this isn't just my house anymore, it's our house, which means he gets to make some rules here.  If he wants to kick you out, you have to go." I shrugged, knowing for some part of me, that was going to be hard to swallow also.  Blaise's patience with my friends seemed to run out much quicker than my own.  For my part, I loved them and enjoyed the time we spent together acting stupid, but I could tell by his face when we went to bed that the night had bothered him more than I had noticed as it progressed.

Reg was uncharastically quiet, Marcus running a hand through his hair as he said, "That one's gonna take some getting used to," he looked over at me, "We've always just been able to hang at your house, being stupid.  It was never an issue."

"I know," I nodded, "And since Blaise moved in, we really haven't spent alot of hang time together anyway and what we have, it's been out and about.  But that's the brakes guys" I shrugged, glancing back at Marcus, knowing he would get me, "You wouldn't be cool with us making Peni uncomfortable in your house either."

"True." He said with a nod, pushing us a little faster.

"OK," Reg finally spoke up, "So, if we hang out in the yard, Blaise has no control over that, right?"

Laughing, I shook my head, "I guess he couldn't tell you to get out."

Reg eyed me, "He gets to tell us to leave, I can hang with that, but what if you want us to stay?  Does that even matter?"

I got quiet, not sure how to answer that one.  That wonderfully insecure monster that dwelled with in was screaming at me right now, telling me this wasn't gonna fix things.  Blaise had a way of wearing blinders when it came to my faults, I knew that when we did the video roast, but I thought as time went by, he would see me for who and what I was, flaws and all.  So far, it still seemed like he only saw me around them.  At times, when he pointed out the things everyone else was doing, making remarks about them being stupid or hating them or whatever, it was like some part of him didn't see me sitting there doing it with them, more often than not instigating it.  It scared me.  All I could picture was him waking up one morning and realizing who and what I was finally, and deciding he couldn't deal.  It was hard to plan forever with that kind of doubt hanging over my head.  All my life, someone found some reason to find me lacking, I was wondering if this would be his.

Looking at his phone, Marcus ruffled my hair, "Ok, Jackass," he said affectionatly, "Any more rules I need to know about?"

"One more...stop pushing your wife at me.  If you can't take care of her, don't expect me to do it!"I said with a laugh.

He rolled his eyes, "You like it.  Don't front."

"Too much time with J, Troll wolf, you are not that cool, don't talk like that."

Laughing he stood, "I'm leaving, your abusing me..." he pointed to the porch railing, "Go stand in the corner."   I made a show of pulling my middle finger out from behind the other, rolling my eyes as he apparated away.

Groaning, I turned my attention to Reg, waiting to see if he was planning to use this oppurtunity to be a friend or to torture me.  Sliding closer to my side, he said quietly, "You never answered my question."

I turned away, blinking back tears as I bit my lip, "Can you ask me something else?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" I sighed, knowing Reg hated to talk just as much as I did. 

"You know me, your know what I'm thinking...what's there to talk about?"  I said reluctantly.

"Hey," his tone pulled my eyes back to his face, seeing him pull a bag of M&M's from his pocket, I couldn't help but laugh a little, "Maybe I'll surprise you.  Let's try it." he picked out the blue and green M&M's to hand to me, knowing they were my favorite.

"Do I have to talk or can we just sit here and eat M&M's?" I asked with a small smile.

"We can do whichever you need." he nudged me, "But are the M&M's gonna help in the long run?"

Sighing, I gave in, "I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do.  I don't want to lose him, I don't want me being stupid to drive him away."

"If he loves you, he loves you for who you are.  He can't miss the fact that your stupid, he spends too much time with you."

I laughed at his sloppy phrasing, loving how he could get to the heart of an issue and somehow word it completely inappropriately, and in my messed up head, that made it easier to deal with, "What do I do if he doesn't love the stupid friends that make me who I am?"

"You tell him to shut the fuck up," he answered quickly.

"He already asked me if I'd choose you guys over him, telling him to shut the fuck up wouldn't irritate the situation?" I asked with a smile.

He threw a red M&M for me to catch, laughing when it bounced off my nose, "Being with Blaise, your gonna have to learn to let his surly remarks roll off your back, or stop to call him on it.  He's a jackass, but unlike the rest of us, he doesn't realize it.  You need to tell him.  Frequently...and can I listen?"

I smiled knowing I would not be doing that anytime soon.  "Maybe I should try it...not calling him a jackass, but being more grown up, more serious, less...I don't know...stupid.  It might make him more comfortable..." I trailed off.

"And you less happy.  Look, if you have to compromise who you are so he stays, he's not worth it."

I just got quiet, blowing the air out of lungs and pushing the swing.  That was enough talking for me.after a few minutes, he realized I wasn't going to respond, and he stood up, "I gotta go to work," he gave me a smile, "We have more M&M's there if you want to come too."

I shook my head, smiling up at him, "I'm good, but thanks, when your not being a complete asshole, your a really good friend."

He laughed, "Gotta balance it out somehow" bending to place a kiss on the top of my head, "Just talk to him." he said, walking off the porch, "Love you."

"You too," I called, my mind playing over his words.  Talking. Yuck.