Worth it All

[shtteredprnces]

Worth It All

Sara by shtteredprnces  Blaise by Amorentia

Blaise POV

Seeing Sara sitting outside on the porch swing, I figured it was a good time for us to talk. Leaning on the column I smiled at her but couldn't miss the tension in her face. Turning my head I saw Reg crossing the street back to his own house. Part of me wondered if she already talked everything out.  

"The twins are asleep." I asked. "Can I sit down?"

She didn't give me words. Eating another M&M, she nodded giving me a small smile. It wasn't hard to see how upset she was. Putting my arm around her, I gently pulled her to my side kissing her head knowing we'd work this out. Last night we both went to bed out of sorts. It was a new day. 

Leaning her head on my shoulder, she tucked her legs under her, eating her last M&M with my lips still buried in her strawberry sweet hair holding her to me. She sighed. I sighed. Then I started by saying in her ear, "I'm sorry about last night."

"Me too," she whispered, "I talked to the boys.  Laid down rules" She sighed again, "I know they only help if I'm not being stupid though"

I was a bit confused by all of this. I asked for clarification saying, "What do you mean being stupid? You weren't being stupid."

Sara POV

"I was doing exactly what they were..." I tried to point out, "well...except using the pack strength cause I'm neither strong nor pack...and not having sex behind the couch...if I had done that I'd probably be in alot more  trouble..." I shook my head, wishing I knew how to shut up quicker once I got this talking thing going.

He chuckled, "What exactly did you do that you thought was stupid? Cause I'm not sure what you're meaning? Joking around?" 

"Ok, maybe stupid isn't the word"  I sighed, thinking again at my behavior through the night, how upset he'd been and like the fantastic girlfriend I was, I not only let them keep pushing, I joined in,  "Insensitive?  Unthinking? More worried about my own good times than your discomfort?  Is there a word for that?" I wondered aloud, "Not realizing that just cause you can dish it out doesn't mean you can take it?" I paused, realizing what I had just said, "That sounded bad..."

He laughed, his arms moving from around me as he leaned forward on his knee's and I wondered if I'd stuck my foot in my mouth once more,  "There may be some truth to that. I'm not always the best as letting things roll off my back. But you're right, last night made me really uncomfortable. In a lot of ways. Some things went to far. But it's over. It's not like I can say I never push things too far."

My nails traced over his back , I rested my head against the swing, owning my part in it all, "Alot of the too far was instigated by me.  I'm sorry about that.  And I talked to Marcus about them using the pack strength, compromising that from now on only Reg is allowed to try and dominate you" I laughed a little at the thought, "And that they have to respect that this isn't just my home anymore, it's ours, you get to call the shots." sighing I got back to the issue's that were all mine, "The joking and stuff...I'll work on it, ok?  I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.  It's just how we've always been together." I tried to explain, crossing my arms over my chest, knowing this was going to be tougher than it sounded.  

Leaning back, his arms wound back around me,  "Sweetheart, please don't take one cranky night from me as a major life changing event. I get this way. I can work on it. Most times..." he looked around talking quietly, "I think enjoy it as much of everyone else. Last night I wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to be with you. I'm sure I fed fuel into the fire. It's not just you. It's all of us. For me, it's okay." he took my chin between his fingers, turning my face to look at his, "Oni-temi, I've known Flint and Reg longer than you have. I was married to Peni and lived with the Pack. I'm not naive as to how they are. I push their buttons like they push mine. I just react more violently." he gave me a slow smile, "To me, it's over now.  Somewhere in my mind I'm already plotting for next time. I will get them back."

I gave him a small smile, happy it was that easy for him, knowing it wasn't for me.  "I'm glad you feel better.  They're my friends" I shrugged, "I'd hate to have to spend all my time in the yard"  

He laughed,  "They're my friends, too. Even though I say I hate them most of the time. Why would they spend time in the yard?"

"So you can't make them leave" I gave a small smile at the compromise, "It was Reg's idea"

He leaned over, looking at me surprised, "Are they seriously going to leave now if i tell them to? That's hilarious." he shook his head laughing, "I guess I'll have to be more careful about trying to throw them out. It's no fun if they all just get up and leave the first time. The tenth time, yeah." he laughed again. "First time, no."

Seriously, I thought to myself, now it's funny?  Last night the vein in his forehead had been about to pop, he'd been snapping at everyone, storming off, and yelling.  I'd felt like ass once I really saw how he was feeling.  And he's sitting here laughing about it?  After I just drug myself through an intensely uncomfortable conversation with Reg and Marcus to try and smooth things over for him.  Sighing, I admitted, "I don't know what to do here.  Do you want them to listen or to play with you?" he needed to make up his mind, I didn't know how to get them to accommodate both, "You guys need to come up with code words or something"  I broke a hand up to my neck, trying to massage away the tension I felt building there.

Blaise POV

My lips pressed to hers hoping somehow my words would help, "My love, I can handle our friends. I might raise hell when they piss me off, or just remove myself from the situation. But I can handle them. I appreciate you wanting to fix it for me." It was the sweetest of gestures. That's how she was, wanting to fix everything for everyone. "That means a lot to me. But I can handle them also. Did I really make you feel this bad?"

Sara looked away with a sigh, blinking back tears, "Have I ever told you that I really hate to talk?"

Laughing, I knew that was a difference between us. When it came to my relationships, I wanted to use the words I saved up not using on everyone else. I had to do something. "Should I go find Reg and Marcus and talk this out?"

Running a hand through her hair I could see she was frustrated, "Oh Gawd, the boundary talk with them was bad enough, I really don't need another one." Tilting her head she gave me a small smile, "Couldn't you just get Reg to tell you about it?"

"I love you, sweetheart. With everything in me." I kissed her head. "I'll go talk to them."

"I love you. Ugh..." After a couple of sighs she explained, "Stuff like this scares me.  I know I was doing the same things that had you so pissed with them.  And your calling them stupid and saying you hate them and telling them you want them to go away and walking away and leaving me..." A tear slid down her sweet cheek as her voice choked up, "And then I don't know how much of that is directed at me.  And if it's not directed at me, why isn't it? And will it be?  Are you gonna wake up one morning and realize you can't deal with me the way I am? It's not the first time I've wondered that"

Holding her really close to me, I tilted her back to cradle her in my arms saying, "My sweet girl." My lips tasted the salt of her tears with kisses. "I'm not going anywhere, even if you take me and put me in the corner yourself everyday. I might actually like it if you do it." I kissed her cheek again. Taking a breath I hoped I could speak clearly enough to explain clearly how I felt. "I know you, sweetheart. I love you for all I know, and for all I don't. I know along the road of out long life there are going to be new things I learn about you. There are going to be new thing, like last night that you learn about me. I'm not leaving. I want a life with you and all that comes with it." The softness of her cheek comforted my lips as added, "I will try to watch what I say a little better. I wasn't meaning to hurt you when I said that last night. Or when I went upstairs. I was just trying to remove myself from the situation."

Sara POV

Nodding, I could understand that, I just wish that maybe he would tell me before things got to the point where he was snapping.  I know that when I get with the group, I lose track of myself, caught up in the laughter and good times, but pulling me to the side long enough so I could realize it would put a stop to alot of our misunderstandings, "Neurotic and insecure, remember?" I laughed lightly, knowing the other part of stopping our misunderstanding was going to be getting those traits under control. "I don't wanna scare you away..I love you too much" I looked up at him, "So if something needs to change, you need to tell me, cause I'm trying here"

"I don't want you to change. I love you the way you are. I hope you can put up with my overreacting, cranky," he looked around lowering his voice to a whisper, "hypocritical self."

Sighing, I said with a laugh, "I'm really trying...the code words would help" 

"What's our code word? What should we use and when should we use it?" He asked with a smile.

"You need to pick something that tells me when your actually upset and when your just being a jackass, so I don't end up out here having really uncomfortable unnecessary talks with two of my best friends, cause that's just not fun."  I explained, only half joking.

"The best thing to assume is that I am always being a jackass. It's a given rule that could apply at any given time." He replied.

I sighed, great, my future husband needs the same rules as my ex-husband. At least I knew how to handle it.  "Ok, that helps.  Blaise gets Reg rules...I mean, if that's how you want to get clumped"

"We're two peas in a pod." He said with a smile, "You haven't figured out that out. The biggest difference is that I'm not leaving. You can't get rid of me this easy."

"You can't bitch and moan then." I held up a finger, we needed to compromise, "my rule. If you want Reg rules, you have to deal with the consequences"

Blaise POV

That was a tough one. But I had to be honest, "Sweetheart, I think I need some leeway there, for all the ways I'm not like Reg. Like I'm not afraid on commitment and I don't manipulate you. I can't promise I won't fight back a bit. But you know how to batt your lashes and pout to bend my will." I smiled at her with my affection, "And you are more than welcome to use all your sensual, " my fingers traveled over her collarbones, "feminine wiles to subdue me. " Looking across the street to Reg's, I sighed thinking about how much work I had to do on myself to bring what was needed to this relationship. She was worth it all. "But I will try, okay?"

"OK, but you asked for it...you start being a jerk and I end up half naked in your lap, I don't want to hear a word." Sara beautiful smile was like a shining light. The that smile turned devilish. "This could get interesting...how long until the wedding?"

"I would respond to that. I would definitely respond.. in an appropriate non married way." I smiled at her. "I'm not going to run from you, sweetheart. I'm here, for better or worse."

Biting her lip unsure, she smiled, giving me a nod. I knew I was going to fight till that unsure look in her eyes was gone. Pulling me to her for a really good kiss, her arms wrapped around my neck as she leaned against me telling me three of my favorite words, "I love you."

Tight in my arms is where she belonged. I told her, "I love you, too." Loosening my hold I looked at her, "I guess I need to go talk to dumb and dumber. Can you subdue me when I come back?"

"Is that allowed? How subdued are we talking?" Laughing she gave me another kiss adding, "Go...now...before I push for making up in a much more fun way"

Walking from the porch to dumbs house across the street, I turn back telling my Sweet Sara, "Hold that thought. We can mess around with exactly how then