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You CANNOT buy THIS gift! :)
- Nov 21, 2009 at 10:52 AM
- By
- Comments (14) Total Views (1262) Everyone can see this journal post.
You cannot buy this gift!
I had the opportunity recently to observe/study the relations of a Mother and her two children. This family seemed to have it all. The brand new cars, all the right clothes, the big house..etc..etc.. They even seemed to be happy, from the outside. But.. Once I peered past the plastic exterior...I saw something different, quite different. I saw a family in need.
The daughters were both in their 'vulnerable' teenage years. One of the daughters was dark, dark eyes, dark hair and dark skin. The other daughter was just the opposite. If I had them both in a line up, surely I would not be convinced that they were even related, let a lone sisters. Yet they were both beautiful. Very Very Attractive! They received those genes from their lovely mother.
Their Mother took good care of herself. Although I never have found out her ‘real' age, she looks to be in her 40's, but tries to pull off the late 20 look. LOL (That feat does seem impossible, doesn't it? Although we try! LOL) Some would say that she was obsessed with health and beauty. She exercised and did the ‘usual' rounds of plastic surgeries that most women in Southern California find ‘essential'.
So with all of this going for them, What could be missing?
Only the most important factors in finding real happiness!
Self Respect and Self Esteem!
I was so deeply saddened to find two very insecure girls. Always fighting at each other over what the other one had and who got more. Who was the most beautiful? Who had the best car? Who was given more?
What shocked me most was how unhappy they were.
According to both of them, the other sister was the prettier one! At first I thought this was so sweet. How they would carry on about how beautiful the sister was and all of their traits that made them stand out. Then I realized that this was not flattery it was jealousy! They were both desperately jealous of the other and of any attention the other received. A vision of Cinderella's step sisters does keep popping up in my mind! LOL
One of the girls had a wish list for her graduation....New car, new boobs and a new nose! Now that would make everything in her life perfect...right? Not!
As her mother sat in the plastic surgeons chair, I had a revelation! No amount of tucking, pinching, grinding or injections could bring them happiness. Maybe a fleeting.."hey, I look pretty good!" in the mirror , but not long lasting happiness.
I found myself, the silent observer, to be far more grounded in who I was. Far Happier! ... Sitting here in my comfy, but cheap recliner, out of shape, not much savings in the bank, average looks, average vehicle ~ average house..Basically pretty average in everything!...Average in Everything that really mattered MOST to them. Average in everything that was superficial.
What brought me to greater happiness??... What did I have that they lacked?
I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but what I have far out weighs 'things'!
Better Self Esteem and Self Worth!
These qualities can not be bought! ...they must be earned and developed.
This is the gift..the free gift ..that we can give to ourselves and everyone of our children! It is not available at Wal-Mart..Target..Dillards...Macy's or even in the plastic surgeons chair! It is only available through love and acceptance.
The plain and clear message that this mother was un-intentially sending her two, very vulnerable, daughters was this. "I am not good enough"..and therefore..."neither are you". The mothers insecurities have bled into the daughters psyche. They have learned to push themselves to perfection..instead of acceptance and unconditional love. Without perfection, they deemed themselves un-worthy! How sad!
With every new purchase, they hoped to fill that endless pit of self doubt. When the latest fashion trend or new nose job didn't do the trick..they were off to scour through the latest fashion magazine for more..more and more. How hopeless this must feel. How lonely and lost!
Learning to love oneself is essential to each of our happiness! Despite our flaws...well..not really despite them...because of them! Learn to love those flaws too...after all they make you who you are. If each of us wore the same clothes, drove the same gorgeous cars, visited the same fab plastic surgeons...What would set us apart from the rest?
As I look around at other women, I find that women with ‘flaws' (or what society claims are flaws) are far more attractive then those with perfect expectations for themselves. I find those with greater interests outside of themselves to be far more interesting then a one track, fitness guru or a beauty junkie!
I hope that we can teach our children that what is inside far out weighs our looks or our belongings! Who we are INSIDE is what really counts. Our character!
How do we develop a good self esteem in ourselves and in our children?
Self Acceptance! Bottom line!
We need to learn to love ourselves without conditions. Have you ever said damaging words to yourself? Thinking that if you only had this or that..then you would be happy or perfect! A flat tummy, A new hair color, Better teeth???? .... What a load of crap!
We can only be truly perfectly happy when we stop looking for happiness outside of ourselves and focus on the wonderful people that we are...Inside!
The best way to grow rich in self esteem is to do the impossible. Reach past what you find comfortable ....Push yourself!
Pick a goal that you deem as ‘impossible' and go for it!
No I don't mean a weight loss goal or fitness schedule; To reach inside of yourself....do something new and interesting. For example..If you struggle with reading...set a goal to read a book for a certain amount of time each day! Set the goal higher than you think is possible And strive to bust that goal. Each time that you make progress and go past your goal..you will build up your self esteem. You will find inner confidence!
Be faithful to yourself.
If you make yourself a promise, keep it! If you make a promise to take your daily vitamins everyday to become more healthy..then honor your promise. Now don't worry if you miss a day here and there. The goal is not to beat yourself up for your imperfections, it is to care about yourself. To care FOR yourself.
We need to love ourselves in-spite of all our shortcomings. Embrace ourselves...the good, the bad and the ugly! None of us are perfect..and we never can be! Learn to be un-perfectly perfect! Learn to accept yourself just as you are!
We need to love our children without conditions, model this behavior for them and teach them to love themselves just as they are. We need to tell them... each and every day...."YOU are loved! ..Just as you are!"
That..my friends...would be the greatest gift of all. And the best part...it's free!
:)
Comments:
This is a wonderful message! Just beautiful.
Good! ;-)
Well written and the message got better and better as the story went along.
Awesome journal, thank you.
great journal!!
This is a very good journal!!!
I too have always had issues with self esteem - and I probably always will. :-(
Thanks!!!
Wow! You nailed it! I just posted this on Facebook and told everyone to read it. I have an aunt just like this woman you speak of....lives in Southern Cali (where I'm from), had the boob job, has the nice car, has debt coming out of her butt, has 2 beautiful daughters who think that they have to have a man/beauty/and material things to be happy. It's sad! I have never been materialistic and also raise my daughter in this same sense. I am very frugal, but we always have nice things. We are totally debt free also. We have worked hard for the things we have, but we aren't rich by any means. We aren't stuck on our physical or outward appearance. I have given birth to 2 very BIG babies and have a tiny body, so of course, I have "battle scars" from both pregnancies. With my son, my OB actually suggested a C-tuck, which is a tummy tuck during a c-section. I told her no that I was happy with the way my body is. Well, come to find out, I may actually have to have a similar procedure done because my abdominal wall muscles may have actually torn and may need to be repaired. I felt so odd going to a plastic surgery center and being evaluated. I made it perfectly clear to the doc that I was NOT there for cosmetic reasons. I was sitting there in the waiting area, and there was a woman who was there with her little 4 yrs. old boy and his grandma. His mom was being evaluated for elective plastic surgery. I'm thinking to myself, "what kind of example is this mom setting for her child?". It's just sad.
Excellent comments.
Great journal! I have self esteem issues also, and too many pounmds, etc.. I am who I am though.
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I loved this journal. Great insights.
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