I just need to talk - Journals

I just need to talk
Nov 21, 2009 at 8:23 PM
By Anonymous
Comments (5) Total Views (115) Everyone can see this journal post.

I know some people are tired of hearing it so i'm not posting it in any groups. and some people seem to act like just because a lot of people are going through this it really don't matter. but to me it does and right now it's really hurting.

you already know that last week and for the next 2 weeks dh is hardly going to be home. I get to see him and cook breakfast for him to eat and leave then he comes home eats what ever is left on supper and takes a shower and goes to bed. so really the little bit of talk time we get is when he calls on his lunch for 5 or 10 minutes. This I can get use to, it's just going to take a little time. and of course by the time we do get a routine down his classes will be over.

I don't talk to anyone pretty much unless they are on cafemom or facebook. and the two people i talk to are on both. My best friend i have never meet, love her to death. It has me wanting to move to kentucky, but dh will not go for that.

I'm so lonely that I set and stare at my brother and my Jessi's numbers wanting to call them. even though I know they will not answer. It's been two years so someone would probably answer just not them.

I have a friend here, i say friend because we do email each other even though she lives about 5 minutes from me. she is always working and never home.

today i have managed to eat one pancake, a half cup of mac and cheese and a biscuit. I'm tired, i'm hungry, but i feel like if i stand up one more time i'll fall flat on my butt.

I want to cry, i really and truly feel that bad right now I want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. But i can't. I don't know if it's because i'm tired, stressed or all of it.

I have a lump in my throat you know the one you get when you are crying. every time i swallow it feels like the food or drink gets stuck.

besides going to church i have not been out of my house in almost a month. i can't even go to the grocery store because my in laws are buying what little bit of a grocery list i give them. if it will not last more then one meal it's not on the list.

my van is setting up front at the in laws because it's out of gas. my father in law will not give dh gas money till tomorrow night. so we can't even go to church tomorrow. which is only about a mile or two down the road. i would just walk it but there is two curves you can't see around between us and the church. and no way to get off the road.

i was so looking forward to dh being home tomorrow. but one his way home a classmate called him and one of the instructors is going to be at the school tomorrow with the night class and he wants them to go up there. then after that he is going to the classmates house to study for a couple hours. so nope will not be seeing him tomorrow after all.

almost everyone is talking about christmas (on and off line). and that's really depressing me. My in laws have already said they have went and done a little christmas shopping. when truthfully i don't even what to go anywhere for christmas. i don't want to see anyone.

I know God will help us through this. and there will be a end to it. i know his classes are almost over and soon we will be on our feet again. I just feel completely alone right now.

My dh is a very understanding man. but he is complaining about everything to me. and even though we have alot of the same complains. it's hard to be there for him and his complaints when i'm complaining right back.

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Nov. 21, 2009 at 9:35 PM

I am So Sorry you are going through such a tough time- Saying lots of prayers for you!

daisyb

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Nov. 22, 2009 at 1:16 AM

hugs

BrokeLove

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Nov. 22, 2009 at 4:30 AM

I'm so sorry that your going through but you have to stop letting that be your main focus you have to renew your mind and find time to do the things that you like to do. You said you dont have noone to talk to and your lonely but just onething your never alone and you always have someone to talk to and His name is JESUS talk to Him and let HIM open some doors for you and dh you never know He just might extend dh lunch break so you can talk a little longer

so you will never know until you try

so be encourage

with much love & blessings

blezzed

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Nov. 22, 2009 at 10:37 AM

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. I wonder if someone from church would be willing to pick you up? Perhaps you could do some volunteer work to get out of the house and get some social interaction? I bet your church has some type of volunteer program.

I hope things get better for you.

Hang in there

Much Love

Alex