BANANAS

[dishingmom]

BANANAS
The recession hit home about the same time my parents became housebound and moved to a senior citizen center.So, I knew fruit of the month would be a great gift.
Mom opened the first red wrapped box sitting on the lemon Pledge-scented snack tray by her blue recliner that matched Dad’s."
 “Oh, bananas!, she said.  
 "And more bananas? And more and more bananas??? Do we look like the Brady Bunch?”
  “ I hate brown bananas!” Dad exclaimed,“munching on his dunkin donut. You want some?--Boston creme—fresh-- yesterday. ”
“No, see since you can’t get out much I thought fruit 
 would keep you healthy, Dad," I said trying to ignore his walker, mom’s oxygen tank and the rows of pills that made their living room look like Walgreens.
 My 82-year old mom, who still had nightmares about the Great Depression after all these years said, “You must 
 have paid a bundle for this  fancy-smancy wrapping paper, crinkling it! You mean well, hon. But bring us a few bananas in a brown bag.  And not that I'm one to complain mind you,” mom complained, “but my sciatica will act up from baking bread with all those brown bananas."
"Next month you get oranges loaded with Vitamin C,” I 
 said. "Linus Pauling swore it cured the common cold."

"Linus"? Dad asked. "Isn't he Charlie Brown's friend who goes around in a blanket?"
 “Forget Linus, already." mom said.  "What about me? Citrus gives me acid reflux.  More pills!”
“OK, We’ll give them—the oranges--not the pills-- to your new neighbors!”
“What now I’m going to feed everyone in this new old people’s place? Plus I don’t like to tempt your mom with
forbidden fruit (eye roll-)—the oranges that is-- not Ida that widow next door.”
“You’ve been talking to Ida, the gold digger!” Mom said.“ Ok, I’ll donate the oranges to the homeless,” I said putting my hand between the oxygen
tank and the walker.
:OOH, next is the tropical special-- pineapple,"I said  humming an Hawaian chant.

" Pineapples weigh a ton.  I’ll have to tip that UPS guy. Do I look like Arnold Scharwzenoggon?
"Schwarzenegger," Dad.”
“No way!” Mom cut in.
"The next month" I said. 
 
"Thw next mont?! How long do we get these boxes of fruit with no donuts?" Dad asked.  “Is this a life sentence?”
 "No! I got it as a special on my American Express card for a year—“
 “You charged this?!”  Dad said, gulping. “I'm going to eat fruit on layaway?”
Credit cards will be the death 
 of us. No wonder Warren Buff-fay said—
 "Warren Buffet,” I corrected gently.
"Well, Warren Buff-fit said the USA could become a Banana Republic!"
"Sh!” mom said suddenly, picking up a banana. “Promise you won’t tell anyone? In the great depression I overheard Pop crying and saying he was so afraid  he'd have to  shoot us kids rather than watch us suffer starving to death slowly—and he was Quaker who didn’t believe in violence—he had to steal a gun from the Elks club. Thank God he didn't know beans about bullets,"she said shaken. 
"Mom, Are you ok?"
"Oh, yeah" she said wiping 
 her brow. "I must be  catching that low blood sugar everybody talks about going around. I'll pick on a banana," she said, tearing off
the peel.  Anybody want a banana?"
 

[Serenity75]

Nov. 22, 2009 at 9:50 PM

Voting popular!  That was too funny!  The title should be 'Going Bananas"  LOL  Thanks for sharing.  Your parents sound like a woot!  :0)