Happy Birthday, Levi

[butterflydust]

November 20, 2009 2:50 a.m.

 

I never would have guessed, or even believed, that my heart could be so completely and unapologetically consumed with Love. Then I met Steven. I thought, for sure, that this was the biggest, most filled heart that a person could be allowed to carry in them.

But then, two years ago, I met Levi. Two years ago, today. November 20, 2007.

I won't rehash that day again. Many of you know our story. If you don't, just ask. Suffice it to say that my life was forever changed.

I bet every parent says that, right? But I don't think it always happens. If so, we wouldn't have babies being abandoned or abused. We wouldn't have a lot of Evils on this planet if every biological parent was changed the way that I was that day.

And yes, it was that sudden. Of course, there were a lot of changes taking place during the magical nine months that I felt, watched, and loved the little seed that was growing inside of me. By the time he arrived, I was already changed. But, you don't understand... I don't know if anyone CAN understand unless they too have given birth and then held their child for the first time.

See, all that was within me was gone. It was as if God gave me a totally new chance, a clean slate all the way down into the deepest valleys of my soul. I felt all of the evils of the world, and I pushed them away. I gathered every angel that I knew to me. I was ready, in that moment, to do anything for another human being. ANY. THING.

Trust me, I don't think it makes sense either, but it as close as I can manage to explain that moment.

If you had asked me 24 hours previously, I would have sworn that he was some sort of mutant baby weighing 120 pounds within his soft, warm cushion of a home. Suddenly, though, there was this tiny little creature in my arms. His eyes were blue and his skin was perfect. He looked directly into my face, and I was his forever. His tiny fingers with their tiny little fingernails stretched upwards, seeking sustenance... or maybe just something to grab.

Everyone always asks you, "What was your first thought?"

Honestly, I think it must be very similar to millions of Mommies around the world:  "Oh. My. God. How. Did. I. Just. Do. That? I am so tired. I just want to sleep for a couple of days... oh... oh, look here. I want to hold... oh. Ooooooooh. Oh, God, he is perfect. Thank you, God. Thank you. Oh wow. I am a Mom now. Oh wow. Oh wow... oh no... what do I do now??"

Time passes really, really fast, people. One moment, I am praying for an extra 5 minutes of sleep amidst the irregular feeding times that a tiny Simison requires. Five Seconds Later, I am watching my son, sleeping peacefully, and realizing that it is his second birthday.

I knew it would happen. I wasn't surprised. But still. I feel a bit like a mush-ball.

I was doing fine until the song came on.

 

And if you have ever wondered how irrational women can sometimes manage to be? It isn't even a song about sons! Rather it is the anthem that many little girls will dance to with their daddies, dressed in white and dreaming of their Happily Ever Afters. But, I think it is safe to say that this isn't restricted to Daddies and Daughters.

 

In fact, I have been teaching Levi how to give Butterfly Kisses from Day One. Now, he gets it. 

 

"Give me Kisses, Mister!" I will command. Sometimes he gives ME a kiss. Other times, he will lean his head down and give me his forehead so that I can give HIM a kiss. Little stinker!

 

But he only gives Butterfly Kisses upstairs at night and first thing in the morning. It is our special little moment of tenderness... one of those moments that he would vehemently deny if he heard that I was telling the world about it here.

 

"Well, thank you for the kisses!" I will say, excitedly. "Now I want my Butterfly Kisses, my little monster!"

 

And he will jut his little chin out, roll his eyes straight up to the Heavens, and lean forward, blinking his eyelids. I will then match his actions, never once feeling silly, and I will lower my eyes to his cheeks, turning my head so that his eyelashes can flutter across my cheeks. While my heart melts, he gives us both a rousing round of applause and a heartfelt, "YAY!"

 

Sometimes, when he is feeling super-love-buggable, he will then grab my cheeks and give me both Butterfly Kisses AND Drooly Kisses!

 

Now that, there, is magic.

 

So now, here I am, watching as my sister makes her way through her first trimester. I love every single moment of it. Every time that she groans, I laugh, not because I am a mean person, but because, as usual, I see myself in her. I cannot wait to meet my niece or nephew. More importantly, I can't wait to see my sister fall in love with another being the way that I know she will.

 

There are so many things in life that we don't get a say in and have no control over. And that is ok. I trust God to take of me. But there is one very important thing that I have learned and I pray that my sister, and many other mommies around the world, learn:

 

Whatever it is, it can wait: Cleaning. Laundry. Dinner. Makeup. Video Games. Movies. The News. Whatever. It. Can. Wait. Your baby will grow so fast. Don't miss a single giggle, tear, word, or funny face just so that you can boast that your house is cleaner than someone else's or that you have better gear. Trust me... the little ones are so much more worth your time... and unfortunately, there is no starting over here, no rewinds and pauses. One chance is all that we get.

 

To Mr. Levi Monroe Simison: Happy Birthday, my Angel. I love you more than you will ever know! XOXOXOXOXO