Do Time Outs Work for your Child?

[babyjakesmama]

Great blog walks us step by step through a proper Time Out with helpful hints!

http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/how-to-do-time-outs-correctly-amyeaustingmailcom-prettybabies

How many of you moms use time outs now?

Dani

[Tauna1208]

Nov. 23, 2009 at 9:08 PM

I don't use them...found some great advice for time-in's instead.  Basically sit and re-connect with your child and do the discussion all the experts recommend, without the solitary confinement and abandonment in between.  Here's the comment I left after reading this article:

Hmmm...I thought your advice started out well, and almost thought maybe I'd learn a good reason to use time-outs.  But by the end, it all sounded like punishment.  And I'd guarantee your daughter feels your actions as punishment, no matter what you believe your intent to be.

For sure, removing your child is often the best thing you can do.  But why the need to exert "control"?  Isn't the point of discipline to teach?  So teach.  There's no need to remove your love (physical or emotional) to get your point across.  Wailing, screaming, crying, pouting...none of those things indicate your child is learning a damn thing.  Even if they sit quietly the whole time, I'm certain they're not contemplating the error of their ways.  They're either thinking "why does mom hate me right now?" or "it wasn't my fault!".  So why bother with a time-out?  Why not just sit with your child somewhere quiet and discuss what happened.  Or if they left crayon marks somewhere inappropriate, have them come with you to get a rag and "help" clean it up.  Have a time-in instead, in other words.

When children "misbehave", it's usually a cry for YOU...they probably made a few other gestures that showed they needed you, but you missed those, so the block gets thrown at someone's head.

I only have one 3yo son, so maybe I don't have enough experience to speak on this stuff.  But I have to say, my son (and the couple of kids his age I know that don't get time-outs) - they don't make these kind of big offenses more than once.  Once he hit his friend with a toy - he now knows that hurt his friend; no time-out necessary.  Once he drew on the wall.  Once he touched a hot pan - certainly no time-out needed for that!  There's no need for him to keep testing the limits on the same things...he learned WHY those are no-no's - it wasn't just some random, senseless desire of mine to show control.  Whereas with the parents I know that use time-outs, they're constantly having to do it for the same thing.  It's because time-outs are NOT teaching...still feels mostly like punishment to the child, and makes the learning opportunity fade into another power play.