Why is there always so much drama in my life?

[MOmomof8]

I am like a magnet for drama, I guess.  I'm so sick of it but just can't seem to keep it away for long.  This breakup between my son, Nick & his girlfriend is really hard on me.  I thought things were going to be friendly but he went to see his dad & helped him move.  He & his wife are getting a divorce.  So he was telling Nick about ours & child support.  He told him that I bleed him dry for child support & that I made he pay $400 in child support.  He did pay me $400 but it wasn't all child support.  The court granted me alimony of $100 a month & $300 a month for child support.  I had nothing to do with the amount of child support but I will admit that I set the amount of alimony.  I went for alimony only bc he was such a butthead to me.  He left me bc I had cancer but he waited until after my chemo ended & I was back to work.  I had trouble driving my car due to it being a stick & due to surgery it hurt my arm to shift.  So he sold my car that was nice & only 4 years old for $3500 when it was worth $5000.  He took the money & bought me a 10 year old piece of crap car that didn't last 6 months.  But he was gone by that time so what did it matter to him.  I spent 11 years with the man being abused in every possible way.  My mom & stepdad were afraid he was going to kill me.  But I do have to admit that everytime he hit me & fought back just as hard.  He destroyed my things & I ended up destroying some of his equipment.  He was in a band & had a bunch of keyboards & recording stuff.  He came after me one day & broke a door down to get me so I went after his equipment until he left.  Anyway, this man fills our son's head with all these lies & so he came back saying he was not paying child support.  He says he will buy things the baby needs but he will not give her cash.  That is so his dad talking.  He will pay chld support or he will be sitting in jail.   He is even thinking of moving in with his dad which is such a bad idea on a lot of levels.  His dad is talking about moving back to Chicago & if he does, Nick says he is moving with him.  His aunt, his dad's sister, told him she would pay whatever he needs to go to court for custody.  They have no idea what Nick's record is like.  They are sitting my son up for such a crash.  If he thinks he can get full custody he is sadly mistaken.  He will be lucky if they give him joint custody.  She is thinking about fighting him on that.  She doesn't want to have to ask him to take Elias out of town.  In Kansas, that is what the papers say a mother has to do but it isn't ever enforced.  I don't really know how Missouri handles it.   Then, they are both playing these little games with each other with me in the middle.  I listen only bc I think they need to talk to someone but if they think I'm going to tell each of them what the other says, they are very much mistaken.  My son told me some stuff over the phone while he was with his dad then told me not to tell anyone.  When he gets back, he calls & tells her everything.  I have always been in the middle of my boys & their ex's, not my doing but theirs.  I was hoping not to go through this with Nick.  I was hoping that they would be able to make it work out.  Who knows, they still might.  He asked me to bring the baby up to see him on Tuesday without her but she said no bc she needs to get some more things from there.   They had everything worked out so they would remain friends but both have gone back on their word.   I love all my sons but why do they have to be such "men".  Why can't they be better than their fathers & stepfathers?  They are my sons so why can't they be more like me?  I hate to see them go through all this.  I worry about Nick losing his son like my other boys lost their first born.  Looking back on my life I can see how this could be Karma biting me in the butt.  However, I didn't take my sons away from their fathers.  Their fathers made their choices for themselves.  I told Travis' father about being pregnant & he choice to believe that it wasn't his baby & still does.  Travis is so much like his father, all you have to do is look at him & you would know he is his father's son.  Nathan looks more like me but when he was younger he looked like his dad.  Nick looks like his dad, always has. 

This year, Thanksgiving is so bad.  Without my mom here, they family has fallen apart.  I'm going to my inlaws, Travis is going to his brother-in-laws, Nick is working & Nathan I don't know what he & Brandi will be doing.  Vicki will be with her inlaws as usual & Skylor will be with his grandma as usual.  I hope next year we can all be together for Thanksgiving.  My stepdad will have dinner with my aunt & her family or my cousins.  Thanksgiving will never be the same that's for sure.  This is not how I thought my family would be.  I thought it would be more the Brady Bunch type of family.  It's not for lack of trying on my part.   I'm not going to regret any of the relationships I've had bc they gave me my sons who gave me my grandchildren & I am who I am bc of my decisions.  Yes, I could have had an easier life, if I had listened to my mom.  But I had to do what I wanted to do & bc of that I am responsible for the way my life has turned out. 

So I will be worrying about my boys on Thanksgiving.  I may even be in tears bc I already am.  This was one of my mom's favorite holiday.    I have done Thanksgiving without my mom, stepdad & boys before but only once.  That was the first year I was married.  But it was great to find out that I could do Thanksgiving dinner all by myself.  I made my mom proud.  I just remembered that I haven't given my dad my new cell number.  I haven't given it to my stepdad either.  Boy, I'm getting really bad.  But if they call my old one, Brandi can give them my new one.  It's not like the old one is totaly disconnected.  

I sure hope Christmas is better than this.  I think the ones I've bought for so far will really like what I got them.   My stepdad isn't putting a tree up.  Brandi is putting our big one up upstairs & I'll put my purple one up down here.  I have a ton of Christmas stuff  now.   I love to decorate the whole house.  I would get mine done then I would decorate my mom's house.  Now the outside of the house gets decorated too.  We have a few inflatables & usually buy a new one every year after Christmas.  I do have a hard time getting anyone to put up the outside lights but Brandi is good at doing things for me.  I think she likes that stuff as much as me but don't want anyone to know it.  I think she wants to put the big tree up this year bc it's her & Nathan's first Christmas as a married couple.   My mom was good at buying Hallmark orinments for us but she had to stop bc it was getting too expensive.  But I always got one, nobody else knew it.  This year will be the first time in 30 years that I haven't gotten one.  Last year I bought my mom a digital camera & she never used it.  I don't think she ever got it out of the box.  The year before I got her a digital frame but she kept it off & put away.  My stepdad came across it & offered it  to me.  I told him to keep it but I think I'll get it, he doesn't have it sitting out either.  One year I got them a VCR/DVD combo, it only got used when I was there.  I made her a few DVD's of family pictures. I don't think she ever watched them unless I was there.  I kept trying to get them into all the new gadgets & they said they wanted to be up to date but they just couldn't grasp how to work things.  When we lived in KC, Nick & I had to go to their house & start movies for them.  They always had a hard time starting them but they did get better, they got to the point they only had to call us & do it as we told them step by step.  They mostly only wanted the VCR/DVD player for the holidays so all of us could watch movies together.  My stepdad is going to learn the computer & get on the internet now that my mom isn't here, he has the time now.  

I guess when you have grown children drama is going to happen from time to time.  The more children you have the more drama you have.  But I can wish there were no drama, my mom had a saying about wishing.  Wish in one hand & potty in the other, see which one fills up the fastest.  Her mom used to say it to her.   I cleaned it up a little bit....lol 

[soulsilkee]

Nov. 22, 2009 at 9:02 PM

I understand.

M.

[ratchetgirl]

Nov. 22, 2009 at 10:21 PM

My advice, is try your best to stay out of it. If she needs help with the baby, help her in place if Nick. If she knows she can depend on you, even if she can not on him then it will help you in the long run. You need to keep the relationship with her you have/had. I could say more, but I will not get on my soap box.

[MOmomof8]

Nov. 23, 2009 at 9:45 PM

Thanks, soulsikee.  It helps to know that somebody out there understands. 

Ratchetgirl, you know my kids & know how important they are to me but also how important my grandkids are to me too.  I wish things would have been different between us way back when.  For that reason, I do appreciate your advice.  I'm trying but it is really hard.  I reall just want to knock their heads together & say fly right.  Believe it or not, I am doing a good job at keeping my mouth shut even though I want to scream. 

 

(Original Poster)