Mourning

[Amorentia]

Peni POV

Absent mindedly I chewed on my nails trying to prepair myself to face all my kin explaining to them how I lost our Justin when he was in the care of my Pack. Into my hands they trusted him. When he first phased, I told them all about how much of an honor it was to be Pack. How it was a beautiful magic with the power to help change the course of the future of our people. Once I convinced them how great it was, I sent him out without an adult Pack present to wait out a night patrol at the Hogshead. The Hogshead - with all the scum that hand there - somehow thinking he possesed super powers that kept him from any harm.

Now I bring them back his tortured body that died in agony. His precious heart stopped before he had a chance to see eighteen, to graduate from High School, to vote, have a serious girlfriend, or really do anything but risk his neck for us. Marcus took my hand from my mouth, locking his fingers between mine, his other hand brushing the tears off my face. Holding onto his face, I felt his lips against mine welcoming the dizzy rush his kiss always brought.

Still holding his hand, I stood like a shadow behind Sam and Marcus as we approached  Justin's Mother - Barbara's house following nerviously. From talking to my Mother, I already knew there was the entire branch of my Family Tree that lead to Justin being my third cousin inside of the ranch style house. Part of me wondered if his body would still be in there. It disgusted me that I would rather sit with his body then face the pain of my Mother's Cousin inside. In my mind I could just see my reaction if I gave my baby to someone and they brought Deni, Nevi, Jaki, or one of the babies back to me with a shell of a broken body that showed me they died in the most painful way without me being there to sooth them. The tightness in my chest made it hard to breath. No Mother should outlive their child. It leaves a whole in their life that can never be filled.

Stopping at the stairs, I felt my chest clench with a sob. It took all my power to supress it. On the porch was Justin's favorite chair where he liked to sit when he read. To the side was his Basketball stand where he practiced shooting three pointers like a Pro. He'd played basketball at the school before he joined us. He gave all of that up to run with the Pack. All I could ask myself was, Why? Why do we let these children join? Why do we risk their lives so casually?  To die young a grusome death?

Justin was the first Pack member we ever lost in living memory. It wasn't like we had one die a day, I knew that. But loosing one at all. It was something we told parents. They knew the risks. But we also told them how we take care of our own. How we always survive together. Would his Mother, my family, not hold me as a failure of my word?

Seeing Marcus and Sam watching me, I knew there was no way in my position not to go in. Though my hearts was racing two seconds from a panick attack, I lifted my chin to take a deep breath, and just jumped in.  Pulling on Sam's elbow, I told him, "I'll go first." Sam moved to the side to let me lead the way inside.

Slowly we made our way past my Great Aunt's, Aunt's, Great Great Aunts, to see my Mother's sitting on the couch by Barbara. Mother's arm was around her as Barbara patted her chest, face drawn in overwhelming grief. Tears streamed down my face in the sight of hers, as I crossed the room toward her saying the only thing I could, "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry."

Kneeling on the floor in front of her, Barbara's arms reached out to grab hold of me as she choked through sobs, "He's gone. My baby." At those words our other family in the room all started crying. No women in my family did anything half asked. When we all started wailing, it was not pretty. 

Sam talked in a surpisingly smooth voice that his authority added a comfort, too. All I could so was hold onto her as we both sobbed. It surprised me when out of no where she took my tear stained face saying, "Thank you for being there for him. For taking care of him."

Shaking my head, no words would come. How did I take care of him? He's gone and I did nothing to prevent it. I'm not even patrolling anymore. The Pack came to Great Hallow because of me. All of my escapades dragged the Pack out of the safety of our Reservation to England. 

Slowly voices joined in taking words I couldn't say as discussion turned to the steller kids Justin was. With a hand still holding Barbara's, I leaned back in Marcus's arms so thankful I had him to hold me up right now as I couldn't stopper the flow of moisture falling down my face. One of his arm tightened around me, the other hand brushing down my arm softly.

Someone picked up some medicine called in for my Aunt to help her quelch some of the sorrow burying her. Thankfully one of my Aunties came offering me something to do so I could distract myself with a task from my own questioning suffering.

"We need some things from his room." She held my hand between her. "None of us know where to look. It's too hard....." When I agreed, she gave me the list of what was needed.

Peni looked at Marcus, "Please come with me."

Opening the door of Justin's room I had to pause for a second feeling a fresh wave of pain envelope me at the smell of him. The sight of his personal belongings brought him to life for a moment. Then it recreated the dashing despair that he wasn't. The objects he claimed now were as cold as his body was. As was his way, the room was tidy with unteenage like order. Along the wood panneled walls were some pictures of some muggle actresses and a singer. Above the desk was in inspirational poster:

Saying, "What seems like a ripple today can become the wave of tomorrow."

My chin dimpled, quivering as I tried to close my eyes against more tears. With a breath I steadied myself, forcing myself to walk in with the list in my hand to gather what was needed. Part of me wanted to hold his jacket in my arms absoring his scent that was uniquely his own. I just tried to stay busy to bury myself in looking do I didn't have to stop and think. Occationally I would find something that was so Justin and I'd hold them up  to show Marcus with a smile. Then I got to him desk seeing a stack of sketch books in a neat pile.

The first one I opened had some sketches of cartoon characters, dragons, and superheros. Each one was dated. Then I reached a picture of Paul in Wolf form dated from August 13 when Justin joined the Pack. Turning the page I saw another picture of the older Pack in Wolf form when he met them for the first time. Flipping through I saw that all of the rest of the pictures from the time he joined on were all of the Pack.

Marcus picked up the rest of the sketching books, making a place for us on the floor where he pulled me between his legs to sit. Together we started flipping through the books admiring how Justin documented his time when he joined the Pack. Laughing through tears we got to drawings of when Jalil joined the Pack. There was an entire comic book like story of the entire night - Pack fights and all. That was the night Marcus and I shared our first kiss. After that Justin went back making Comic Book drawing of the History of the Pack and battles he learned about through memories.

"This is amazing." I told Marcus as we finished one book to go to the next. "I never knew...."

Book after book slowly they became more Comic Books than pictures, full of moments and funny conversations. There were Justin's memories as well as other peoples memories. Tears slid down me face reliving the last years of Justin's life through his eyes. Marcus held me laughing as we strolled down his memory lane.

Then right at the end of the last book was a self portrait of Justin's face above a sketch of him in wolf form. The sob racked my catch as my finger traced over the beautiful Wolf, the incredible boy I would never see again. Not even at his funeral could we see again the lovely boy we all loved because of how badly he had been mamed. Forever had he been taken from us.

Resting my head back against my husbands shoulder I voiced my struggle, "They're just babies, Marcus. Children.... they could be ours. How could I have thought this was such a great thing? To want this for our kids?" My eyes closed against the tretchery of that statement. It was against all the work the Ancestor's set me to do. "I love the Pack. It's....just..."  

"I know, baby...." Marcus said against my cheek. "It's alot scarier now...like we all just found out we're not invinicible."

"I want us to invincible, " I looked up at his blue eyes. "Us, our kids. I want him not to be gone."

Enveloping me with strong arms, he took the book from my hands to set it to the side as he kissed my hair saying, "I wish I could make that happen for you...for all of us...so we could go to bed tonight and not be worried about tomorrow, so we could wake up without feeling that missing piece..."

For a moment I curled up in his arms like a protected child until I heard footsteps coming down the hallway with my name being called. Responsibility wasn't a child's buren. I was no longer a child. Sighing I stood up, giving Marcus a hand to get up so I could get back to moving. There were things we had to do before we could go home. Then I had to sit down to talk to the children giving them their first lesson on death as I broke the news to them that Justin was gone.

Peni Clearwater and family written by Amorentia. Marcus Flint written by shtteredprncess. Sam Uley by Amorentia.

Want to read more? What to join in the Creative Writing fun? Our full stories are in Through The Looking Glass. Link HERE to join. Be sure to tell them Peni sent you!