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*UPDATE @ BOTTOM* Where the heck have I been? My own little personal hell, abuse, and job hunting.
- Nov 23, 2009 at 9:31 AM
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- Comments (27) Total Views (431) Everyone can see this journal post.
I have been M.I.A. on here for awhile and I've had a few friends writing me and asking if it's all ok (thank you for that btw). I find it easier just ti explain the hell that has become my life this way then repeating it a hundred times to each person. I'm in a abusive relationship and he sorta cheated on me. I don't think I've ever come out and really said that before. My husband and I met I was 15, dating when I'm 18, married when i was 20. I'm now 28 with two kids. It wasn't always like this, we were happy and he treated me good. He always had a temper, but let's be fair, so do I. We'd argue then get over it. A couple years into the relationship it started getting worse. I can't pinpoint a exact time it happened, you See it's not physical abuse he's verbal and mental so it kinda sneaks up on you. The amount was just slowly increasing. It's now to the point that I get yelled at almost everyday all day and he most recently has started doing it to the kids as well...that's the last straw. Screw with me fine but don't mess with my kids!!! I get yelled at if the house isn;t up to par, he doesn't like the food in the house, or whatever else is bothering him at the minute. The kids get screamed at mainly if there is toys on the floor (ok yeah their kids and they're playing where would you like the freakin' toys?) among other things. The kids are on a emotional rollercoaster. They go back and forth between loving daddy and wanting him to leave because "he's being mean". I feel like I failed them, like I didn't chose a good dad for them. Then a few months ago I find a letter he's written to another woman. A email left on the computer. How he's had feelings for her for several months, loves the person she is, she makes him happy, and she's beautiful, ect. I told him I was leaving him and he begged me to stay I thought about it and chose to give it a shot for the kids sake. We have been doing marriage counseling but it's not helping. He sits and complains about me but if he is told he needs to change things he gets mad and ignores those. And the way he is now I wouldn't even stay for the kids because I think leaving is best for them. Oh yeah, and it's my fault he cheated because I made him feel "unloved". Really? What was it that made you feel that way? Me cooking dinner every night? Having your babies? Taking care of you for two years when you couldn't work? Me taking care of your sick dad when you weren't? And don;t even try the sex thing because we've been married almost 8 years and were still having it almost everyday quite often. Not only this but she is one of the mom's and my youngest son's school so I get to see her everyday twice a day to be reminded of what he did. Last week he came home one day and screamed at the kids until he went to sleep. They were crying and tried to run to me which he grabbed Asher by the shirt and shoved him, "Stop it you don';t need your mom you're fine don't be a baby"! That was the last straw if I already had a job he would've been out that day.Yeah that's my problem. I'm a SAHM so I rely on him to pay the bills. I've been job hunting a while and once I get some money saved up he'll be gone. i just need a job first. I feel like he has died, like I'm mourning his death. The person he use to be has died and been replaced by this monster. Granted he "only" beat me up once, 7 years ago, when we were only married a few months. I kicked him out for the day and he came back, and I told him if it happened again he'd be out for good. He never did it again. He had punched me, threw me on the bed, and chocked me until I blacked out. I shouldn't have gone back then but I was young, dumb, and in love. So last week I went to talk to someone at a abuse shelter for women. I told her since he didn't hit me I wasn't even sure if I was being abused. She gave me a check list of sorts. I checked off almost every thing ( about 3/4th). I had no idea how bad it was until i saw it there on paper, I wanted to cry. She told me i needed to get out. So anyway that's what's been going on and why i haven't been on as much, I've been doing alot of job hunting and taking care of the kiddos.
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update:
Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to everyone. He had last night off so i couldn't really get back on here. Thank you everyone for your thoughts. prayers, and advice. It's wonderful to know there's people who care! Linda I called that number and they were able to give me some info, thank you. Shell the shelter is gonna get me a free consult w/ a lawyer. Fern, thank you fr your kind words...I never knew you went through this too. Tina and mom2matt thank you. Minifrog...LOL I would love to live in Canada the weather is great there but I wouldn't want charges against me for leaving the country, sweet offer though girl. Eeyore Thank you for the advice. I thought the same thing that if I left to stay with a guy, even if it's just a friend, it would make me look bad. Which is why i told him no thank you. Plus the kids don't know him. I have already started the process of getting the oldest therapy. Mommahalo My sisters' hubby is going to be here when I ask him to leave and as soon as he does he's going to change my locks for me.
Comments:
YES you do need to get out. Do you have family or friends you can stay with. It don't matter if they are out of state or not you need to leave. That is wrong.
I am sorry you have been going through this. HUGS
No I have no one who I could stay with because they're all as broke as I am and wouldn't be able to provide for me and my kids while I looked for work. A ex boyfriend (from when I was 16 that I continued to stay friends with) offered to fly me, the kids, and animals to NY (where he now lives) if things get worse but I doubt I can leave the state with kids since they're his too. I think if I can just get a job and some money saved up then i can leave and I should be ok.
You don't have family that cares about your kids being abused?? OR you being abused??
I would call the cops next time and lock his ass up then leave the state!
I'm afraid I'd be charged with kid napping. I don;t know what the cops could do since he doesn't hit, it's all verbal and I don;t think they would go to jail for that. My family does care but they can't hardly pay their own bills so if I went there I'd have no money for diapers, food, or anything for the kids. I just gotta get a job (which he doesn;t want but whatever lol). Thanks for the hugs btw
I'm sorry...no one should live in the situation you have been living in...you do need to get out and you don't need to make excuses as to why you can't...emotional and verbal abuse are just as harmful as physical abuse. Please call and get help TODAY...HELP is available...24 hours a day -- 7 days a week! I'll be saying a prayer for you and the children. xo
OK call a lawyer for a FREE phone consultation and ask them if you are allowed to leave state.
Nov. 23, 2009 at 9:46 AM
I'm afraid I'd be charged with kid napping. I don;t know what the cops could do since he doesn't hit, it's all verbal and I don;t think they would go to jail for that. My family does care but they can't hardly pay their own bills so if I went there I'd have no money for diapers, food, or anything for the kids. I just gotta get a job (which he doesn;t want but whatever lol). Thanks for the hugs btw babymomma0306 (Original Poster)
You are right...you should NOT leave the state with the children. That wouldn't be good. And...whether a "friend" or not...you shouldn't move in with anyone...especially a guy. Once away from your current situation...you need to be on your own (with your children) for a while. Jumping into another relationship or trying to accommodate others needs, wants and desires is something you've been doing far too long. It's time for you to think about yourself and your children!
Thanks you I would check into both of your ideas when he's not home!!!
I know. I couldn't live with a guy unless we were married and I had a major background check on him first. My kids are my #1 priority and will always continue to be so. I need to do what's best for them, that's why I'm leaving.
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- babymomma0306
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