I'm not cut out for this!

[ariesgirl217]

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids.  I love that I can help with homework, and cook nutritious dinners, and monitor their activities.

...BUT...

I can't NOT work! 

I lost my job in September, and after over a decade in the working world, I cannot manage to stretch a dollar far enough to last.  I cannot figure out what's more important, clean clothes, or food for the table.  Becuase that's what it's come to!  Unemployment benefits are just not cutting the mustard, and I'm feeling REALLY stuck. 

Yes, I've been looking for work, and yes I've considered going back to school.  But I can't be in school full time and have a job and take care of the kids.  And I NEED a job to pay my bills!

Dad is not in the picture, he's been ordered to go to rehab, and only has supervised visits which he's refusing.  And he doesn't pay child support... So what are my options?

Then I considered doing the online university thing. Firstly, I get such mixed reviews on that whole situation, that I dont' know whether or not its a good idea.  Some say that they're not credible universities, and I'd have a degree that I couldn't do anything with.  Some say that it's a wonderful idea, that having any degree will put me a step up.  Yet it seems that this is the ONLY way I'll be able to have my cake and eat it too.  I need to be able to come home after work and spend two or three hours with the boys.  When I'm working, it's the only time I have with them.  I am not willing to give that up.  So, if I'm able to do the whole online thing for three hours or so a day after they're in bed, it should work. Assuming that I only need to put in a few hours a day.  I don't KNOW exactly how that all works.

But I can't stay home anymore.  School's a wonderful idea.  it is.  But I have such limited income right now, that my #1 priority is finding a job.

I'm borrowing money to get Thanksgiving dinner in order.  I applied for Foodstamps, but they can't help me until December.   ...great...

Christmas is right around the corner, but once the rent, phone, cable, gas & electric is paid, I have enough left for my car insurance and gas... and that's it!  Where am I supposed to find the money to buy gifts for the boys? 

Someone suggested that I take any old job, just to get back out there.  But if I'm going to go to work every day to make the same amount that I make on Unemployment, I'd be getting myself stuck in an even bigger predicament.

I'd lose the free time that I have now to look for work, to go on interviews, and I'd be stuck in whatever menial job I was at, unable to find a better circumstance.  What job is going to hire me, and then immediately give me personal days?  None!  And what would they say if I asked for sick time right away?  Where's my doctor's note? 

There are a couple of really solid companies that I could definitely have a job at if I asked for one.  But the starting pay is so low, and it would take me FIVE years to make a livable wage.  FIVE!  I can't do this for another five years...

So it looks like online school for me, and maybe (God willing) someone out there will take pity on me and offer me a position that I can afford to take.  That's what I'm praying for tonight.  The clarity to choose a school, and a major.  The focus to work toward a decent degree.  And the luck to find a position that I can live off of in the meantime.  I don't want to be rich just now... I just want to have Christmas.

[TheWellnessMoms]

Nov. 24, 2009 at 1:15 AM

I work at home. I'm a stay-at-home mom and have 2 little ones. If you'd like, click on the link for more info. www.TheWellnessMom.com .

Hope to hear from you soon.

Jennifer