A Lesson on Life

[Amorentia]

Peni POV

Nevi was the first to say something when we came in the door. Bliss was in one arm, I just put Jaki down, and two of the Quad's heard our voice and started crying. My chest tightened as Nevi asked, "Mummy have you been crying?"

Marcus went to get the babies as I bent down giving my sweet boy a kiss as I nodded. Sensing the moment, Reg got Kelsey to help take Brailee, Tallon, and Ember. Ellena took Marcus and my four. I told her if she could hold them off, I'd nurse them in a minute. Blaise scooped up Deni, as Marcus scooped up Jaki, when I sat down Bliss walked over to Blaise. Sitting down I held Nevi in my lap answering the basic, "Yes, I am sad," questions prepairing myself to break the big news.  

Behind me I heard my Mamaw start softly singing in Quileute from the rocking chair in the corner. Tears squeezed out my eyes with a smile. Suddenly, I knew exactly what to say. I remembered the story my parents read to me when I was around Deni and Nevi's age. Now I knew exactly what to say. Little arms went around my neck as my boys were upset by my tears. Taking a deep breath I said, "I have a story I want to tell you. It's a story about *Justin the Leaf."

Blaise looked at me skeptically, as Marcus made a noise expressing the same difficulty I had with saying Justin's name. Ignoring Blaise, I took out my wand as I conjured images to go with the story:

"Spring had passed. So had Summer. Justin, the leaf, had grown large. From a small sprout he grew to a wide, strong leaf. Freddie lived in a tree with hundreds of leaves. Just like us," I stuck a finger in four little sides making my oldest kids giggle. "No two were exactly alike. Each one were different. His friends next to him were Anthony and Davy." I used Pack members to make it more easy to identify with. "The lovely Tori leaf lived above them. They all grew up together." For a moment I paused with tears building in my eyes seeing Justin's life from the tiny dark haired newborn to the tallest but skinniest member of the Pack now. Well before today. Pushing forward, I continued, "Through the spring and the summer they hung out together, playing together as one Pack." Jaki howled like the kids always did when we talked about the Pack in stories.

"Leaves don't howl," Deni said as Jaki covered his mouth.

"What sound do Leaf Packs make?" I asked touching Jaki's leg so he didn't feel bad. Talking through it we all decided that leaves made a swishing sound. So I went back re-saying the last line so all the kids could do the Leaf Pack swishing sound.
　　
"But it was Shawn who was Justin's best friend. He was the senior of their Leaf Pack." Marcus, the kids, and myself made the Leaf Pack swishing noise. Blaise half smiled as I went on, "Shawn explained to them that they were Leaf Cubs of the Quileute Tree in the La Push Forrest inside of Washington in..."

"America...." Nevi said I told him he was right as Deni added in North American, and we expanded it to the World and Universe. How we are a smaller parts of a much bigger world full of different things, people, animals, and places that all ran in their own time, in their own way, but are all connected to each other.
　　
"Justin loved being in the Leaf Pack." Everyone except for Blaise, including Blissful, all swished for the Pack. "He loved his Magical Community, his Tribe, his place in the Pacific North West, his second home in Great Hallow. He loved his friends and family. The ceremonies, the Festival of the Whales, days hanging out in the sun, and nights around the warm bonfire. Most of all, he loved all the things that came under the protection of their Leaf Pack," Swish swish. " And all the nasty bugs his Pack were made to keep from attacking the tree or anything around it. That protection was their purpose."
　　
"What's a purpose?" Justin had asked.
　　
"A reason for being," Shawn answered. "To make things more pleasant for others is a reason for being." More tears formed in my eyes as I answered my own questions for the day - all of the "whys". "To assist and learn from the the Elder's Leaves as they enter their golden years.  To provide a future for the young leaves to grow into. To provide a safe tree, with safe shade, in a safe Park, in a safe place. These are all the reasons for being Leaf Pack."

Pausing for a moment, I looked down at my hands with my mind flashing back to the life blood staining them earlier this morning from Justin and Tori who where just doing their job as Pack. Kissing Nevi's head, I looked at  Jaki before catch Marcus's eye, my own pleading for strength. He mouthed, "I love you," as he wiped my tear. I returned the love, pushing back the tears, except for one that slipped through, I continued:
　　
"Justin especially loved the Elder's. They sat so quietly..." the kids giggled turning and looking at my Mawmaw who was rarely quiet as she walked around signing or talking - mostly to herself - all day. "On the rocking chair and hardly ever moved from it." We all giggled again. Even her Mamaw laughed. Somehow that brought tears to my eyes again.

Pulling it together, I trudged on: 

"The Elder's talked in whispers of times past. The children were fun, too, even though they sometimes burnt a hole in the tree with a magnifying glass," I looked at Deni who covered his face guility. "Or soaked it with water till a root popped out," Nevi laughed. "Or swung a rope around it to play King of the Jungle." Jaki did his Tarzan call.

"Or make lighting streaks in it cause it got her dirty." Blaise added looking at Bliss who was trying to pull a sticker off her hand, fussing when it stuck to another finger, and wouldn't come off.

"Still," I smiled at Marcus reaching for his hand feeling so thankful for our family and all of our laughter. Marcus took my hand, tracing the inside lines of my palm with his fingers. "It was fun to watch them move so fast and to laugh so much."
　　
"But Justin's Summer soon passed. It vanished on an Novemeber night. He had never felt it so cold. All the leaves shivered with the cold. They were coated with a thin layer of white which quickly melted and left them dew drenched and sparkling in the morning sun. Again, it was Shawn who explained that they had experienced their first frost, the sign that it was Fall and that Winter would come soon.
　　
Almost at once, the whole tree, in fact, the whole park was transformed into a blaze of color. There was hardly a green leaf left. Anthony had turned a deep yellow. Davy had become a bright orange. Tori had become a blazing red, Shawn a deep purple and Shawn was red and gold and blue. How beautiful they all looked. Justin and his friends had made their tree a rainbow.
　　
"Why did we turn different colors," Justin asked, "when we are on the same tree?"
　　
"Each of us is different. We have had different experiences. We have faced the sun differently. We have cast shade differently. Why should we not have different colors?" Shawn said matter-of-factly. Shawn told Justin that this wonderful season was called Fall.

"One day a very strange thing happened. The same breezes that, in the past, had made them dance began to push and pull at their stems, almost as if they were angry. This caused some of the leaves to be torn from their branches and swept up in the wind, tossed about and dropped softly to the ground. All the leaves became frightened." Moisture filled my eyes as I lowered my voice:  
　　
"What's happening?" they asked each other in whispers.
　　
"It's what happens in Fall," Shawn told them. "It's the time for leaves to change their home. Some people call it to die."

Marcus's hand firmly held mine as the room became very quite. Everyone except for Blissmas and her sticker became very still.

"Will we all die?" Justin asked.
　　
"Yes," Shawn answered. "Everything dies. No matter how big or small, how weak or strong. We first do our job. We experience the sun and the moon, the wind and the rain. We learn to dance and to laugh. Then we die."
　　
"I won't die!" said Justin with determination. "Will you, Shawn?"
　　
"Yes," answered Shawn, "when it's my time."
　　
"When is that?" asked Justin.
　　
"No one knows for sure," Shawn responded.
　　
Justin noticed that the other leaves continued to fall. He thought, "It must be their time." He saw that some of the leaves lashed back at the wind before they fell, others simply let go and dropped quietly. Soon the tree was almost bare.
　　
"I'm afraid to die," Justin told Shawn. "I don't know what's down there."

I had to stop. My heart clenched. Several tears streamed down my face as my Mamaw began quiety singing again. Marcus took a deep breat, his large hand tenderly moving down the cheek that is closet to him, wiping away my tears. With steady tears falling I continued the story:
　　
"We all fear what we don't know, Justin. It's natural," Shawn reassured him. "Yet, you were not afraid when Summer became Fall. They were natural changes. Why should you be afraid of the season of death?"
　　
"Does the tree die, too?" Justin asked.
　　
"Someday. But there is something stronger than the tree."

I looked at my boys all giving me wrap attention, concerned by my tears. Smiling I told them:

"It is Life. That lasts forever and we are all a part of Life."

For another moment I stopped wishing the babies were here. Our new life. Kissing Nevi's head, I wipped my cheek asking Justin's next part:
　　
"Where will we go when we die?"
　　
"No one knows for sure." Shawn told him. "That's the great mystery!"
　　
"Will we return in the Spring?" Justin asked.
　　
"We may not, but Life will."
　　
"Then what has been the reason for all of this?" Justin continued to question.

Hand to my mouth, I choked on a sob. Nevi leaned against me as Deni put his arms around my neck. Putting an arm around him, I pulled him into my lap seeing Jaki turn snuggling into Marcus's chest.  Marcus hugged him with one arm, the other hand rubbing his dark hair. It took a several deep breaths before I could continue knowing that in answering my childrens questions on Justin's death, I was also answering my own. The tears feel slowly, but my voice stayed steady.

"Why were we here at all if we only have to fall and die?" Justin asked.
　　
Shawn answered in his matter-of-fact way, "It's been about the sun and the moon. The Pack and the Tribe. Our Land, community, the world. It's been about happy times together."

A sob caught in my throat thinking about Justin's drawings of the Pack and our adventures. 

"It's been about the shade and the Elder's and the children. It's been about colors in Fall. It's been about seasons. Isn't that enough? What do you think?" I asked the kids. "Is that enough?" 

We were all quiet for a moment. Even though we didn't catch each other's eyes, I think all of us adults were pondering the question.

"Isn't that all there is?" Deni asked. Plainly and quiet sure of his almost eight year old self he answered. "There's nothing else."
　　
"That afternoon, in the golden light of dusk, Shawn let go." I continued to story rubbing the tight curles of Deni's hair. "He fell effortlessly. He seemed to smile peacefully as he fell. "Goodbye for now, Justin," he said.
　　
　　Then, Justin was all alone, the only leaf on his branch." Again tears came to my eyes suddenly thinking he was all alone - the only Pack on the otherside while we all were left behind here. Then I through about the Ancestors, the original three of the Pack we all steamed from. He wasn't alone. Now he was on the otherside with all who came before waiting for us, or being sent on for other work to do. That sounded more like Justin. He'd want to be the ripple that makes the wave. He'd want to have other work to go.   

Blaise cleared his throat reminding me there was more story to tell:

The first snow fell the following morning. It was soft, white, and gentle; but it was bitter cold. There was hardly any sun that day, and the day was very short. Justin found himself losing his color, becoming brittle. It was constantly cold and the snow weighed heavily upon him.
　　
At dawn the wind came that took Justin from his branch. It didn't hurt at all." Hearing his screams of him dieing in my head, I stopped at the lie. But the truth was where ever he was now, he was no longer hurting. That's what mattered. I told the kids what they needed to know:

"He felt himself float quietly, gently and softly downward. As he fell, he saw the whole tree for the first time. How strong and firm it was! He was sure that it would live for a long time and he knew that he had been part of its life and made him proud."

Squeezing my eyes together, I focused on the lilting voice of my Mamaw. My mind pulled to the first time I went to council seeing my Pawpaw and Uncle Harry who had passed. Then I remembered taking John to see his wife Lena. All were gone from this world, but their spirit, their memories, we all very much alive. I no longer worried about crying. I let it all fall with sobs and all. The story was too important to tell, for us adults as for the children.
　　
"Justin landed on a clump of snow. It somehow felt soft and even warm. In this new position he was more comfortable than he had ever been. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. He did not know that Spring would follow Winter and that the snow would melt into water. He did not know that what appeared to be his useless dried self would join with the water and serve to make the tree, the Pack, the Tribe, Community, people, all stronger. Most of all, he did not know that there, asleep in the tree and the ground, were already plans for new Pack Leaves in the Spring."

"That's us!" Deni said smartly.

I laughed. "Yes, you are little Pack seed."

"Does that mean Justin died?" Nevi asked. 

I hestitated for a moment as my chin dimpled anwering through a choked voice, "Yes." 

"Did they all die?" Nevi asked in a high voice as his own fat tears started falling down face. Instantly I laughed. An unexpected laugh that freely rolled releazing the mistake I made making the story so personal. I also made it completly and totally horiffic.

"No, baby," I answered suddenly knowing this could be so much worse. Tori could have died, too. All the Younger Pack could of. Along with Emily or Sara. Even Marcus, myself, or any of our babies. "No, lovey. Only Justin." Then I looked seeing Deni's face in his knees not wanting the air to see his tears. Blaise pulled him over in his lap, setting Bliss and her sticker on the floor. Jaki pulled on his lip nerviously. I turned Nevi in my arms holding him close as he cried. "Uncle Justin," I explained. "Was fufilling his purpose for the Pack when he passed from our tree onto the next world." Rocking my son, I told all of them, including myself, "Now he sees us all, all of the time. He sees how strong we all are together. How proud he is to have been apart of us and the Pack. Already his life is an important part of the future. Our Pack seedlings are growing strong to fufill their purpose... your purpose and mine."

"Am I going to die?" Deni asked in a wail that almost sounded like Blaise at his worst. I tried not to laugh at the image so he knew I heard his anguish.

"Like the Leaf Pack," this time it was only Blaise who did the swishing as we all smiled. "We all will pass at some point. We won't all pass young like Justin or how he passed. We may grow to be Elder's teaching the children in our Golden Years."

At this point Jaki climbed out of Marcus's lap going to climb in my Grandmother, his G-maw's, where I heard a soft kiss and her song begin again, but stronger. 

Peni Clearwater and Mamaw written by Amorentia. Marcus Flint written by shtteredprncess. Blaise Zabini written by Amorentia. Jaki written by Amorentia. Nevi written by Amorentia. Deni and Bliss written by Amorentia.

*The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story Of Life For All Ages by Leo Buscalgia.

Want to read more? What to join in the Creative Writing fun? Our full stories are in Through The Looking Glass. Link HERE to join. Be sure to tell them Peni sent you!

[Amorentia]

Nov. 24, 2009 at 3:13 PM

(Original Poster)