a girl i loved is gone.......

[livetolaughlove]

i met julia rose when she was 3 months old. she had had surgery just after her birth and couldn't cry for 12 weeks, but then she wailed! i was the only one who worked in  the daycare center  who could calm her down. i starting babysitting for her on the weekends. her parents became my friends. my boyfriend at the time and i used to love to just hang out with them and drink their homemade beer or a nice bottle of wine and eat grilled vegies from their garden. at one point they had converted their basement in to an apartment for me to live with  them. i loved them, and i was crazy about julia...she was the first child i cared about, the first smile that melted my heart. i haven't seen her in over 15 years, but i never forgot about her. i almost gave my own daughter the very same name. i lost track of her family so long ago and was absolutely elated to find them recently on facebook. this morning i went to her fathers fb page, to leave him a message with my number to give to her...only to see the video.... a 10 minute montage of  a beautiful girl, with a heart warming smile, surrounded by silly friends, prom memories, water skiing, a really intimate look into her life...her life that was cut way too short. she was killed in a car wreck  a week before graduating high school, just 5 months ago... i am so saddened by this news, and my own daughters hugs and laughter cannot make me stop crying. i have to get this out somehow, so here i am journaling about a girl i knew a lifetime ago... I can still hear her sweet voice the last time we spoke on the phone and she told me happy thanksgiving, very impressive for a 3 year old....she was only 18, her diploma was handed to her parents and the entire graduating class and audience broke into tears....tears stream down my face now, imagining her mother getting that phone call phone call from  the hospital, maybe expecting it was her saying she was coming home late, what it must have been like for them to make the drive to hospital, barely being able to drive safely themselves....i can imagine the horrible feeling they must have suffered as she slipped from this world....i want to reach out to them but i don't even know what i would say....it seems so unfair when i hear of a parent having to bury their child.......it seems so unfair to me that i just found them again and was so looking forward to reconnecting with her...it breaks my heart into a thousand shards....memories of her as a toddler flood my mind....i taught her how to high five, how to play ring around the rosie, i let her have sips of  wine(her parents allowed this) then she would say, tom's wine all gone.........i learned how she was already working in a lawyers firm, eagerly waiting to attend college...it is such a tremendous loss....i lost my father just before i got pregnant with my daughter....but this seems like a tragedy....her life as adult was just getting started, her whole world in front of her...or  so it would seem....it makes me feel so afraid to loose my own daughter...who is my whole world.  i seriously think i would go insane. i don;t even want to think about that, but now that seems like that fear is choking me, and i have to look at my daughter, sitting down playing with her puzzles and realize that life is a puzzle, we connect pieces together to  make a picture of our own world....this world didn't make sense tome at all for a long time without my father in it...not until i found out i was pregnant and felt the cycles of life continue.....but this ....this loss of a child, a beautiful bright, and loving girl seems so senseless....i am at a loss for words now and need more tissues..................

[TieDyeMom]

Nov. 24, 2009 at 1:17 PM

((Hugs))

[mom2adamtyler]

Nov. 24, 2009 at 9:58 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending you big hugs.