Togetherness

[Amorentia]

Before Blaise took the kids downstairs for his new fix all - some ice cream and M&M's - I took a moment with each one. Finally I pulled the sticker off of Bliss's finger making her breath easier until she wanted it on her dress and it would no longer stick. The twins seemed to be coping well. Jaki seemed a bit withdrawn. It was a lot for his three year old mind to take. I knelt in front of a Mamaw where Jaki was curled up into her soft chest with his finger in his mouth.

Addressing us both between her Quileute song, I kissed the loose skin on her hand while she put a heavy hand on my head saying in our language, "What you do is more important than the sorrow you feel. You all have a lasting impact." Jaki's little hand went on my face as I kissed his little nose. Inside his deep brown eyes I could see fear. All I could do was to comfort him, letting the spearmint of my Mamaw's authritis cream and lavander sachest she puts in the drawers with her clothes sooth us. "Don't let sadness weigh you down from doing all you need to do." Her small eyes looked at me seriously. "Also don't hide from it."

I took her words to heart. Nodding, I gave her a kiss, helping her to the door where she gracefully appearated to her room. Ellena brought the babies up so I could nurse them, and then she took Jaki down.

Once the Quad's were all fed and asleep, I suggested to Marcus we take them all to their room. For a moment I needed to celebrate life. Marcus's need for me was as great as my need for him as we fell into each others arms. The sweet intimacy soothed us, as we reveled in all that was beautiful about our love and life together. Embracing each other, our arms comforted each other from the weight of the sadness and guilt making each other's loads lighter as we shared the burden.  With his large gentle hands caressing my back, my eyes closed feeling gratefull for all of our many blessings, as I slipped into a nap to recoup for all that the day still had to come.

Once awake, I sat down to have a moment with the kids to see how they were still coping now that everything was soaking in. The twins wanted to see everyone we mentioned in the story. He wanted his Papa, so I took him to Jacob so he could snuggle with his Papa Alpha Wolf to help him feel safe in this unsure time. 

The older members took patrols around the Rez  today so we could all keep and eye on the younger Pack. They were all at John's house next door. They weren't sure what to do at first when my playful Twins cam in seriously concerned. The first thing the boys did was to curl up in CD and Shawns arm. Then the boys started telling them the story of Justin the Leaf. Like me they smiled in a way only children can make you do.

Marcus and I sat, filling in peices, for the youger Pack and their families at John's. Speaking in duel sterio, like my twins did, they got the kids verious of Justin the Leaf. It was much more funny, and touching in ways as it was told in their adolesent way. It seemed to be as healing for everyone listening as it was for us. The boys decided to stay there with "their Pack" as Marcus and I got the babies to head back to Justin's Mother. This time I felt more steady to really be of some help instead of just going through motions so as not to feel. 

It was evening before we left. I'd spent a lot of time with Justin's Mother. We went through his Pack sketches as I told her the stories, filling in parts she didn't understand, and adding memories I thought she'd enjoy. She'd agreed that I could take all of the sketches to have them bound into books that could be given to anyone who wanted one, the Pack, and added to the Liberary at the Commnity Center.

The Quad's were passed from one set of arms to another as everyone absorbsorbed some of their rejuvinative influance. What was a crying fest that morning, turned into it's own commemoration of Justin's life as baby pictures came out, everyone telling stories through the full range of laughter and tears. There were always arms for the crying, laughter to match the joy. Pulling together as a family, we passed the evening supporting each other before Justin's mother became completely exhausted. Marcus and I left as she was given more medicine to go to bed for the night. We agreed to come tomorrow, and the day after, as many days after, bringing as many kids as needed, to support her through these dark times. It wasn't about me, it was her loss that was the greatest.

That night I kissed all my babies twice when tucking them into bed. Then I kissed Marcus three times thankful for all that this existance came with - living, laughter, loving - even in death. Because withouth death there would be no life, and vise versa. Periodically more tears slipped out of my eyes as a wave of mourning washed over me. But it's a process. Luckily we had time to work through it.

Marcus POV:

Pulling Peni by the hand, I tugged her out of the house with me, wanting us to connect, not just with our bodies but with our minds.  Hand in hand, we walked along the stream by the house, watching the water crash against the rocks as we talked, our minds playing over memories of Justin, finding brief moments to laugh about, like the basketball games at the Community Center, times we'd all sat around trash talking and making fun of one another.  I knew the weight of the world still waited for us at home, but out here under the clear night sky, it was just me, my girl, and the stars. 

Sitting under a tree, I craddled her in my arms and we took turns playing an old game we both enjoyed, pointing out stars to make up our own constalations.  My finger tracing a series of them, I told her queitly they reminded me of a wolf.  I smiled, placing a kiss in her soft hair, thinking maybe it was Justin, looking down and laughing with us. 

We enjoyed the peace and quiet we found wrapped in one another, exchanging light kisses and soft laughter, just pretending for a bit that there was nothing else in the World but us and our love for one another.  Laying her back in the leaves, we revealed in everything beautiful life had to offer, fingers entwined as our bodies met in celebration, reminding us that life is a continual circle and while one may end, another is always beginning.

Peni Clearwater Flint by Amorentia. Marcus Flint by shtteredprncess.

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