Pregnancy, Labor, Delivery, & Becoming a Mommy

[Tashwitz]

I have been wanting to write something about the whole pregnancy, labor, and becoming a mommy, so this is it.


First, I just want to say that I am pro-choice. I always have been, and I still am. There are some people that just shouldn't have kids and some people just aren't ready for kids. Some people get raped and get pregnant. I believe that every woman should have the right to choose. That being said, now that I have my baby I just can't imagine ever giving him up for adoption or anything like that. People who make that choice are a lot stronger than me. I have the utmost respect for anyone that can carry a baby for 9 months, go through labor, and then give their child up to someone that they know is able to give them a better life. It just amazes me. I know someone who did this, and it blows me away.

When I first found out that I was pregnant I was scared, but I knew that I was going to keep the baby. Why wouldn't I? I knew I would not be a single mom. I had a boyfriend that would step up and take care of me and the baby. We didn't have a lot of money at the time, but we realized that we would have to put our baby's needs ahead of our own. And we have. As soon as I told Matt that I was pregnant, he did not miss a day of work. he racked up all the overtime that he could get and I think he worked himself to death. Looking back, he probably should have slowed down a little, because he just ended up getting burnt out on his crappy job and getting way more stressed out than he should have been.

Overall my pregnancy was one of the most miserable times of my life. I couldn't work. I couldn't smoke. I couldn't drink. I had to watch what I ate. I had morning sickness for the entire 9 months that I was pregnant. I had to listen to everyone's advice, even from complete strangers. During the last trimester I had the WORST heartburn all day, every day. My legs cramped every single night. I could not get comfortable enough to fall asleep. I had to wake up in the middle of the night to readjust. I acquired millions of stretch marks and hated the way I looked. Matt worked a lot, we didn't have cable or internet. I was bored out of my mind and spent most of my time at my parent's house watching their TV and using their internet. I had small bouts of depression thanks to the wonderful pregnancy hormones. I just wasn't myself. I feel like I did NOTHING for 9 months.. and that's a long time! One of the last fun things I remember before I got pregnant was New Years. I had so much fun and since then I have done some good, amusing things, but nothing was like New Years. The last month of my pregnancy was a constant annoyance. I had doctor's appointments every week, sometimes twice a week. I was always wondering if I was having contractions and once I got to my due date I was just constantly depressed. I wanted to be DONE being pregnant. I didn't want to see anyone or do anything unless it involved inducing labor. I was so bitter towards my doctors for telling me a million contradicting things (I'm still pissed about that). I was going to SCREAM if I heard one more person tell me that the baby would come when HE was ready. ugh. I will NEVER EVER say that to a pregnant lady. It's terribly cruel and you don't realize it until you've been the one that's overdue. I am SO HAPPY that I am not pregnant anymore. I feel like a new person.

Matt was actually pretty good at dealing with me while I was pregnant. Honestly, he let me down at times, but I think I was way too hard on him and I expected him to know what I wanted without telling him. He learned how to deal with me the more pregnant I got lol. I think that women get used to the fact that there is actually a baby coming way before a man does. It's because they can feel the baby inside of them and they can physically feel the changes going on inside them. A man can not feel this and is just supposed to sympathize with the woman when he has NO idea what she is going through. I don't think I gave him enough credit for all that he put up with. He was a lot better than many men would be. He painted my toenails when I could no longer reach my feet. He offered massages when he was tired from working an 8+ hr shift at crappy Wendy's. He only got drunk ONE time the entire time I was pregnant. He cleaned the house, scooped the litter box, made me food, and cleaned up my puke. I had a lot of complaints at the time, but he really did a lot for me, and I won't forget it.

The last month of my pregnancy Matt was also getting tired of the doctor's appointments, the false labor, and bitchy Tasha. It has been a rocky road to get to 9 months, but we made it. I tried EVERYTHING to self-induce labor. I was dilated at 1.5cm for like a week. The midwives kept saying, "I bet you won't make it to your next appointment." They were wrong and I always hated them for saying that. They said it for 3 weeks straight! All it did was get my hopes up. Finally one of the midwives decided to strip my membranes. Matt and I went on a mile+ walk at Englewood Dam. I ate as much fresh pineapple as I could. I ate pineapple until I had a blister on my lips and my mouth was burning. We drove on the bumpiest road that we could find. I ate everything spicy (even though I really don't care for spicy foods). We tried to induce labor the same way I got pregnant.. lol (and trust me, that's not comfortable when you have a beach ball for a belly). The night I went into labor I wasn't 100% positive that I was having contractions and Matt was actually 100% positive that I was NOT in labor. We timed my contractions online, they were not regular. I called my midwife and told her all my symptoms and she said to stay home. The pain was unbearable. My back was killing me and I had awful cramps. We decided we would wait around and then go to the hospital 'just in case.' Matt bet me 50 bucks that I was not in labor. He went and got Chipotle and I wanted KFC. We decided to come home and eat before we went to the hospital. Matt finished his burrito and I could barely touch my food. I needed to go to the hospital NOW. We went and my contractions were still not regular, but when they checked me I was 4cm dilated. HA. I knew I was in labor! I win 50 bucks (I'm still waiting on that BTW Matt...). They told me they were going to admit me. FINALLY!

They moved me from the labor and delivery triage back to a delivery room. It was very nice. If you are pregnant you should definitely have your baby at Miami Valley Hospital. They are wonderful. ANYWAY, They gave me nubain (sp?) via IV to take the 'edge' off of the pain while they were waiting on the anesthesiologist to come and give me my epidural. Oh by the way, contractions SUCK. They hurt like a freaking bitch and there's pretty much nothing that you can do yourself to cure the pain. If you want to have a baby without an epidural you are crazy. Props if you can do it, but I think that you are crazy. ANYWAY, the nubain really didn't make the contractions hurt any less, but it made me feel reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllyyyyy drunk. lol That was a very welcome feeling at the time. It kept me distracted from my contractions. The anesthesiologist came to give me my epidural and I was actually really scared (I hate needles). I did not look at the needle or anything. She had me sit up so she could put it in my back. She did and guess what? I did not even feel a thing! SHOCKING! I have heard that some people don't feel it, but I'm kind of wondering if the nubain had anything to do with it, because some people say that getting an epidural really hurts. I'm not sure, but if I had to do it again I think I would try to get the nubain before the epidural again. So the epidural kicked in and I was numb and happy. I barely felt any contractions and the ones that I did feel didn't hurt that bad. I could not even move my legs. It was great. I was afraid that I was going to get one of those epidural headaches, but nope, everything pretty much turned out the way that it was supposed to, well minus the fact that I suddenly barfed all over myself (very embarrassing). Now one thing that did end up not so perfect was the fact that after they gave me the epidural, the pain medication began to ware off on the right side of my body, so I was completely pain free on my left half, but my right half was having some pain. I tried to fix it by laying on my right side to get the medication to run to that side of my body and it worked a little, but that side was never completely pain-free.

The nurse came in and checked me again and I had progressed to only 5cm. They decided to give me some Pitocin to help progress labor. I was scared of getting Pitocin because it is supposed to make your contractions come faster and be more painful. Luckily, I never really noticed a difference thanks to my friend the epidural. Matt decided to get in the shower because he wanted to be squeaky clean for the new baby, and they figured I wouldn't have the baby for a long while. Before he got in the shower I told him that I felt some weird pressure, but I wasn't sure if they were just contractions or what. We figured it was no big deal so he went ahead and hopped into the shower (it was in the same room). The nurse came back to check on me and I told her about the pressure that I was feeling so she went ahead and checked me and I was 10cm! This happened in less than an hour! She said it was almost time to push, and she quickly turned off the Pitocin.  MATT WAS STILL IN THE SHOWER! I was so worried he wouldn't make it out in time. My nurse called my midwife and she also called another nurse into assist with delivery. I was so scared that Matt was going to miss everything. Well it turns out that my midwife was still at home and had just gotten out of the shower.. she would be a while. UGH! She wanted me to wait for her to start pushing.. yea lol seriously. Matt FINALLY got out of the shower and quickly realized that it was about time to meet his son and he quickly turned from boyfriend to labor partner. The nurse wanted me to push every 2 contractions, and so I did. The baby crowned on the first push. My midwife FINALLY arrived and the baby was out in under 10 pushes. It hurt, and it felt unlike anything I've ever experienced, but surprisingly it did not hurt as badly as I had envisioned. I was lucky and had a VERY short labor. Unfortunately, I ended up tearing =( That was like my worst fear and it happened. I had to get two stitches.

As soon as baby Kaiden came out they placed him on my chest and I held him for the first time as they were cleaning him off. I did not know how to react. So many things were going through my mind. I was happy, scared, worried, relieved, shocked, surprised, joyful, and numb all at the same time. All I could do was look at him. I couldn't even look at Matt, or the nurses, or anyone. I could not say a word. I was truly speechless. I just kept wondering how this little thing came out of me and was now here. After 40 weeks and 4 days, here he was... so tiny and perfect. I loved him right away. After they cut the umbilical cord they took him from me to the scale to finish cleaning him, do his apgar tests and weigh him. Matt followed them over to be with his son. While all of that was happening I was delivering the placenta and getting stitches. I expected that delivering the placenta would hurt, but I barely felt it. I didn't feel the stitches either. I was so exhausted, and I was jealous that Matt got to go look over his son and count all the fingers and toes and all of the things that a parent does when a new baby comes into the world. I was a little heartbroken that they took him from me and I missed all of that, but he was soon placed back into my arms and I got to feed him his first bottle. Matt stood by my side and took all the pictures that I wanted him to take and he just adored his little boy. I was so thankful that he gave me those few minutes to bond with Kaiden. I don't think he knew how hurt I was when they took him from me, but somehow he knew that I needed to hold him ASAP.

My mom and Angela were supposed to be around after Kaiden was born, but they were both really sick so they did not get to be there. My mom was actually in Miami Valley Hospital, but she was in the ER and then later admitted. I know she was upset that she could not be there to see him right after he was born and so was I. Kaiden's first visitors were my Mamaw and Papaw (his great Mamaw and Papaw). Then Eric (my dad & Kaiden's grandpa) came to see him. I guess he was born at a really inconvenient time because pretty much everyone that I would have expected to come and visit us in the hospital was sick. Geoff, Lyndsay, and Veronica came to visit us.  My grandma and grandpa still haven't seen Kaiden because they have been sick. My mom is better now and she got to see Kaiden the day we brought him home from the hospital (Halloween). Angela still hasn't seen him, but I think she will this weekend.

Personally, I think that recovering from childbirth has (so far) been just as hard (if not harder) than labor and delivery. It probably isn't the same for everyone, but having stitches to tend to along with a newborn isn't easy. It is hard to get in/out of the car, chairs, and bed. I can't drive for a while and can't lift anything heavier than Kaiden. I have to be very careful with the way I sit and lay. My stitches should heal soon and I think I will be able to take care of Kaiden a lot better when that happens. Matt has pretty much been doing most of the work around here since we've been home. He has been great with waking up to feed and change the baby. I think being a daddy suits him well. I can tell that he loves it and that Kaiden has changed him forever. The cats aren't so sure how to act around the baby, but my girl Bella has surprised the hell out of me. She guards the baby and she loves to cuddle with him. She is such a good girl and I am so glad that she has been adjusting to such a big change so well.

Being a mom has changed my life already. Kaiden has only been here for 8 days and I already can't imagine my life without him. It's amazing that such a little person can change your life in such a big way. I would do anything to make him happy and I would do anything to protect him from the perils of life and the evil people in this world. I will do everything in my power to keep him from being hurt. Hearing him cry breaks my heart. I want to be so much better now. I have such a big reason to live and be the best that I can be. I want to set a good example for him and teach him right from wrong. I have someone else's life in my hands every single day and it is my job as a mom to help shape him into a good man. He will be a better person than me, a better person than his dad. He is going to grow up someday and I will know in my heart that I did the best that I could for him...

But at this point I hope he never grows up. I hope I can hold him in my arms and cuddle him forever. I hope he always wants his mommy this much...

Sadly, I know that this won't last forever. But I will cherish every single day with him now. I will remember every moment that I can, and I will soak up every soft cuddle I can get.

I love you Kaiden; You have changed my life for the better.

[momrocks1000]

Nov. 26, 2009 at 9:46 AM

That was beautiful! Thank you forsharing!  Happy First Thanksgiving Baby Kaiden, and to you and your family! 

                                    Love, Kim