Gifts at Holiday time - A Revelation

[Arianna]

In previous years, I have really been educating myself on so many things.

When I was a kid, I got a lot of presents....and inevitably, as time when on, gifts became fewer and fewer as I gained adulthood. As a teen, and early twenties person, I was really big into buying gifts, and yes...receiving them.

Many times, I was a pretty shallow person.

When I had my son, I began to lavish him with Yuletide gifts...and yes, I still do this. But, over time, education, and coming into my own spiritual thoughts and morals, I have cared less and less about gifts for myself.

Do not get me wrong...I appreciate when people buy me things. I like new things...but they are not important.

I was thinking tonight about all the excessive spending, gift wrap, useless gifts, expensive jewelry, etc. It is so sad that so many people go without, and so many people have more than they need.

In previous years, I have been spending less and less on gifts for adults. In the last two years, I stopped wrapping gifts due to the impact on the environment. I recycle as much as I can of the wrap and bags that people give things to me in. (I haven't had to buy a gift bag in probably 5 years, because I have collected the gift bags from David's parties and such.).

This year, for the first time...instead of buying a bunch of new computer games, I purchased used games whenever possible. DS won't know the difference, nor care. I have actually also considered buying at least some of his toys from Good Will. I also want him to go through his toys to see what we can donate to charity. I am also trying to work on him about getting less gifts and having me donate money or toys to a charity that he chooses. (I am working on this...he's still young so the lesson is definitely going to take time)

So, I figure...live by example. I would prefer that everyone who normally would buy me a gift, instead...take whatever money they would spend on me, and donate it to a charity of my choice, (and then actually REALLY donate it) (Either that or donate my gift money to DS's college fund)

The charities that I would choose would either be a charity that provides toys to children who do not have any, a charity that provides food to families that do not have any, an animal rescue that provides things for animals, or the Uniarian Universalists Service Committee.

(See here to find out all the wonderful things that the UUSC does!!!: http://www.uusc.org/ )

The problem is that..... this is what I would absolutely LOVE to happen, but the vast majority of family members and friends would not honor this....especially my father in law. They would either refuse to donate to a charity, or would say that they were and then would just not do it. (Not all of them...but many of them)

I would also LOVE to donate to one of the above mentioned charities in their name.

The problem with this would be...many of them would be offended, either internally or to my face. (Again, not all, but most)

I am saddened by these facts.

I would rather save wrapping paper, dust collecting ornaments, expensive jewelry, gift cards to fattening restaurants...and give money to those less fortunate, instead of receive personally. It makes me feel horrible that so many have more than they need, and so many have nothing of toys or food...and that we keep adding to the rape and desecration of our mother earth.

Even this post, is potentially going to offend one or two people. It makes me want to cry. I hate the holidays for just this reason. I LOVE spending time with (most of) my family....and it is completely enough for me. It is sad that for many, it is not enough for them.

Even DH and I have taken to getting mostly gifts that benefit our family (things we need as a family, instead of things we don't), rather than individual gifts.

This year, I am getting him a good pair of shoes for Parkour..but he needs those for safety. For me, I would rather put money that he would have spent on me towards either a charity or David's college fund)

Last year, we called many family members to tell them not to get us anything because our finances were tight, and we could not afford to give them anything. (Mostly people that we only see once a year or not even that often)

For some of our relatives and friends, you could tell that they were upset that they would not be getting gifts mailed to them. While I was sad that some of them chose to not make David anything, or donate to his college fund.....I was happy that they did not buy Kurt and I gifts. I would have to say that it was my happiest Yuletide yet.

For me....I HATE HATE HATE giving gifts or gift certificates to relatives who are adults and who never do anything with us as a family. It's like...we never see you or spend time together, but here is a gift. Totally takes away from the meaning of the holiday for me.

I do not mind buying for those who we spend time with...but would so much rather donate all holiday proceeds to charity or my kid's college fund. I have even requested, in the past, that people donate money that they would use on me..to David's college. Not once has anyone done that, in 9 years.

Of ALL the money spent on useless toys for him....most of those toys sit untouched, unused, and useless. My father in law actually gets mad if he finds out that money that he sends for birthdays and holidays goes into David's college fund, instead of buying useless gifts that he does not need.

What to do, what to do???? :sigh:

[KTMOM]

Nov. 26, 2009 at 10:13 PM

I totally could have written this,  and find it so ironic that I was just saying many of these same things to my DH just a few minutes ago.  

I completely agree,  and am happy to see that I am not the only one that feels this way.

[Midnite00]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 1:28 AM

Good luck with that! I did try one year to tell my family not to buy certain gifts (barbie house crap cause it fell apart less than a month later) EVEN my DD told the family that!! They got her a ton of it, and yes it was broken in no time.... She asked for things to make barbie furniture and a house.....wood, materials, wood glue...etc.. but got cheep stuff.

She is however easy to buy for now, she is 22, so clothes is the best gift! She does need some jeans.  And this from a child that likes good will because the clothes are softer..... from being broken in and washed more than once.

One green mom to another!!

[parrishsky]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 11:11 AM

My epiphany over the years has been it's not the gifts but the charity and the time with family that carry the spirit of the season. I need less as I grow older and I too enjoy giving my kids a bounty of gifts but notice they would rather one decent gift and maybe a new pair of shoes or jacket. That is something I am grateful for. It also bothers me that people go into debt this time of year, that's not what the season is about.

[Kelly913]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 1:05 PM

What if you just kept silent (since telling people doesn't seem to matter) and then do what you want with the gifts or money that's received?  For instance-you get a gift card to a restaurant.  Donate that to a family that can't afford groceries.  Give the toys away.  The items were given to you as gifts, you should be able to do with them as you please.  Here's a link that some family members might enjoy:  http://www.harvestofhope.org/  You can send a gift to a needy family that will help them to feed their family or build a business, and you can do it in the name of someone else.  We did this last year.  We're also trying to do it throughout the year too.  I hope your family will understand your wishes!

[ClaireW]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 1:43 PM

Agreed, agreed, agreed! Love this post. I feel the SAME way!

[Sparta.]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 9:27 PM

You're not the only mama who feels this way. I want to teach my children to donate, help out, love everyone else, and that Christmas isn't about getting tons of presents, but making a difference of love in someone elses life. Good Job Mama!

[mandy_moo]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 10:52 PM

My DH's family doesn't really "do" presents. Sometimes you'll get something from one of his siblings, sometimes you won't. We usually get stuff from my MIL, but it's usually gently used clothing from goodwill. She likes finding good deals. :) And this year, my entire family is basically broke. My sister asked for plastic flatware and a table cloth from us. And I'm thinking I'll just ask for money to go towards cloth diapers for our baby that's on his way. My parents have NO money, so nobody is getting presents from them this year except their grandchildren.

Anyway, I am impressed by your desires to help others. I think Kelly913's idea was a really good one. :)

[bethany49]

Nov. 28, 2009 at 1:17 AM

The last year or so I have really realized that I am DONE with getting "things" that I would only use once a year or just sit around & "clutter" the house - when we moved from a 1700 sq ft condo to a 700 sq ft 1 bedroom apt, I realized that I had too much "stuff" that ppl have given me that I never get out because I don't have room to store it where it can be "used" if the opportunity comes up. When MIL asks what I want for Christmas, I tell her gift card to Costco so I can print pics of my babies so I can get their scrapbooks done but that isn't "acceptable" in her eyes. That is no fun. Well darn it! That is what I would like if she insists on getting me something. I really don't want anything though. I would rather stop having to listen to ppl complain about being broke & then drop tons of money on stuff that I don't really need. *sigh* Feel so pressured as well to buy gifts for ppl but the last 2 years, things have been tight so I get creative & make crafts for immediate family :)

[workgoat]

Nov. 28, 2009 at 2:55 AM

 I remember asking for a good mop for years! and a stool so i could reach the cabinets! My stepdad makes wood things for everyone in the family for Christmas except us and i have ask for a pourch swing for years also! It really is their blessing to give also and you kind of hate to take it away from them. I ask for what i need and still don't get it and then ask them why? They say a mop is not much of a Christmas present! I think i get what they really want for themselfs or they like, not what i like and don't want to listen to me so i keep my mouth shut and let them blow the money and be happy! THEIR BLESSING!!! LOL

[workgoat]

Nov. 28, 2009 at 2:59 AM

I heard of one family that buys gifts from the thrift stores! They all agree to do this and nobody goes in debt and gets what they need or wants! I thought this was a good idea but to get them all to do this and like it is another thing!