i have a very difficult choice to make.

[caitxrawks]

I've missed two appointments, one with my psychiatrist and one with my therapist. Why did I miss them? I dunno. I guess I was just too lazy, too tired, too whatever.

Thing is, I don't really feel that I was getting much out of the meetings anyway. I can't go to group therapy because it's too much of a hassle to find someone to keep Joss. We can't afford to waste precious gas for me to drive over there, even if it's three miles away.

I feel that my medication is not working. I have been taking it since February in various doses and I don't think it's helped very much. I also feel that I have more problems than my medical team is willing to test for. Is it because I have Medicaid? Most likely. For example:

-I have the classic symptoms of bipolar disorder.

-I have the classic symptoms of Asperger's.

-I have the classic symptoms of a binge eating disorder.

I have brought all three up with my doctor and my therapist. I was told that it was just depression, not the other things.

I think my medical team underestimates me and the power I wield over my treatment and care. I do research. I read medical reports. Both of my parents are and were in the medical field. I'm smarter than I look. I'm not just some dumb slut who got knocked up and became suicidal. I'm more than that, and I do not appreciate being underestimated.

I received a letter in the mail saying that I needed to call and talk to someone about what I wanted to do. This means they are giving me an open chance to say what I think about my care and treatment.

I only go to the psychiatrist once a month, as well as the therapist.

Now, if YOU were previously suicidal and severely depressed, would you want to see a doctor more often or less often? I'd talk to them every day if I could.

If this is a Medicaid issue that cannot be revealed to me, I will find out. I refuse to be a pawn in its game. I am either prepared to ask for another therapist and psychiatrist, or quit therapy altogether. They cannot force me to do anything I do not want to do. I really like my psychiatrist and therapist as people, but as my medical team, I feel that they're not doing an adequate job at treating me.

So whether it's their fault or Medicaid's fault, something's gotta give.

I will quit my medication and seek homeopathic alternatives to treating my depression if I have to. I am not afraid to experiment. I lived without therapy and meds for five years, I can do it again if I have to.

*sigh*

I just hoped it wouldn't come to this. But it looks like the oppurtunity to change has presented itself.

Any ideas?

[purpleducky]

Nov. 27, 2009 at 2:49 PM

I'm sorry. I have never had any good experiences with therapists until lately. Hopefully everything will work out soon.

[RunninRagged64]

Nov. 28, 2009 at 9:20 AM

I went to a therapist for years and it did help me, but there is a time to end therapy if you feel it's not helping or if the "relationship" has reached its natural end.  I searched until I found a good fit and I was with her for a couple of years.  She was a MSW, so she could not prescribe psychiatric meds.

Just my opinion here - I have dealt with anxiety/panic/depression since I was 20 years old (that's 25 years now) and I have never, ever taken psychiatric medications.  I'm not saying that I'm for or against it, just wanted to give you the benefit of my experience.  You can live without it if you are willing to make the changes.  I know that I am wired a certain way, but I also know that I can change my thoughts.  I also know that I can choose to let myself slip into a spiral of emotional problems.  Therapy was the tool that helped me, but I was never suicidal. 

Homeopathic remedies can  help.  Fish oil is proven to help depression, for example  I have taken it and can attest to that. 

I don't think once a month is worthwhile. 

I'm guessing that money is an issue here.  I was not on MA, but I did pay my therapist on a sliding scale because I chose to go to someone that my insurance did not cover. 

These are just my thoughts and my experiences, but you have to do what is right for you.  Don't let any insurance company dictate what you feel you need to do for your heatlh. 

Good luck.  (you can msg me here if you want to talk more)

[outstandingLove]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 2:18 AM

I'm curious what your classic symptoms of Aspbergers syndrom is. My brother has Asperger's and i worked for families of children with ASD.

Please don't take this wrong, ...but i've wondered before if you might be bipolar. I don't really know enough about you to really suspect it but i've read many of your journals and posts and things. My sister is bipolar and has had some of the same problems you've talked about. (not that that REALLY means anything. just an observation).

If you don't go outside a lot Vit D will also help with depression. As well as healthy eating habits and exercise. and as RunninRagged said, Omegas will help too.

I do agree that the main reason why they probably aren't seeing you more is because of medicaid. I grew up under all forms of PA and i know just how different you get treated and how little the programs actually cover. Best of luck to you!!!