What to Say to My Daughter-In-Law

[mama_karen]

I was just on Facebook and saw that my daughter--in-law has posted this:

"will be entertaining the 'in-laws' (insert evil music here) after sunday school tomorrow."

This is just a portion of the post but I am upset by it. They invited us over we did not invite ourselves. She has made us feel like second class citizens since the time they were married. We are not even allowed to have our grandsons spend the night at our home but her parents came keep them for days at a time.

Like I said I am just upset and not sure what to say to her.

[sew4heaven]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 12:27 AM

Some people do not have manners. Are your view points on raising kids different then hers?  If not, she may just have an attitude problem.  My friend has a daughter in law that would not allow her to go to her sons own wedding.

I don't know where these people get off at.  Maybe you could make a joke about it... so she gets the point that it is not funny.

I don't know best of luck. I will say a prayer the the day is good.

[Lb128f]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 2:01 AM

I'm sorry. ;( I'd ignore it and her. It's rude and hurtful. If she knows that you can see her FB page...she is inconsiderate and lacks social grace. That's not something she will learn by you confronting her. She's obviously immature and disrespectful. If you decide to say something I hope you will say something to your son...like, "I was very hurt by the rude comment your wife wrote" he needs to know that she is hurting you. And...I'd probably get "sick" and back out of the visit. Until she grows up I'd ask my son to bring the Grandchildren by to visit. It sounds like she needs to spend more time in Church and less time on FB. The relationship between you two might get better as she matures...I hope so.

[ohio4]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 2:07 AM

First I am so sorry this happened to you.  I think the way I would handle it is not go.  Call your son and apologize for late notice and ask to speak to his wife---then tell her call her out tell her you saw her post and how you feel about not being able to keep grandchild over-night--that you feel she is treating you like a 2nd class person and you want to know why. Then the ball is in her court its up to her to fix the mess she started.  You can't lose because its honest then everything is on the table and it will be up to her to fix the problem.  I also hope you realize this is not your fault--its hers--she is being disrespectful and she needs a wake up call.  If you do nothing it won't get better it will get worse you know that.  Things happen for a reason and now the way you have been feeling is written and sung in black and white so treat it that way--black and white---I believe you will see big changes if you go to her and not your son.  Good luck, you deserve better.

[Alynn74]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 1:23 PM

   I say that she did it because she knew you would see it. That's just rude and purposely hurtful. I have a MIL that I truly do not like but I would never and have never written anything on a place that she has access to. I have posted about her on here but she isn't a member. I have also never posted anything on here that I haven't been able to say to her face. My MIL has limited access to my kids because of her poor choices and quite honestly, she doesn't really care about them. However my husband and I both agree on this and he HAS talked to his mother about our issues with her. It didn't change anything-doing drugs and treating people like crap is something that she feels doesn't need changing. I hope that things are able to be resolved betweeen you and your DIL. It really is sad when families can't get along.

[mama4Christ361]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 5:33 PM

I am from the other side of the fence--the girl who has the evil MIL. LOL I am sure you're not. However, do you do things wildly different from her parents? It may be a situation where she doesn't "get" ya'll and instead of trying to, she goes the opposite and is mean to you. Maybe hosting them for a nice dinner one night that is themed "Family Traditions" (good for this time of year) can help her understand you and dh more? I would have favorite family dishes, tell stories from your's son's childhood and generally "showcase" your life and yourself.

[stanmom]

Nov. 29, 2009 at 10:41 PM

Ugh. Tough situation! First, you're her facebook friend, so she either forgot, or she knew that you could see what she wrote which could mean that (1) it was meant to be a joke and said that in a light-hearted way, or (2) she really forgot you two were friends and was unaware you would see that comment.

Family is such a fragile thing: we are stuck with 'em! That's why I could approach this tactfully. You want it to be a productive conversation where she doesn't feel like she's being attacked, so maybe ask her in a light-hearted way when you come over. Maybe walk in the door and sing: "Dun dun duuuuun....the evil in-laws are here!" She'll realize that you saw what she wrote without you attacking her.

Or, just blow it off.

Either way, give her the benefit of the doubt.

Hope that helps!