What I Would Tell New Moms

[eema.gray]

A friend is struggling with new-mommy-hood, which has gotten me thinking today about becoming a parent for the first time.  I was there only two years ago you know.  :-)  If I were asked, this is what I would say.

1) Forget E V E R Y T H I N G you think you know about parenting!  Forget all the opinions you've formed watching your nieces, nephews, and other young children you're associated with.  Forget all the books you've read and magazines you've flipped through.  None of that information accounts for your particular baby's needs.  Listen to your baby, listen to your instincts, and trust your baby and you know what's best for him or her.

2) Throw out ALL the parenting books you've accumulated.  Or at least move them to a back shelf for the time being.  Until you trust that your baby can communicate its needs to you and until you trust your instincts and your understanding of your baby's communication, no amount of parenting advice in the world is going to solve life's problems as related to your baby.

3) Forget all your preconcieved notions of how a baby should be raised.  It's pretty much guaranteed that if you believe in flexibility, you'll have a baby who thrives on a strict schedule.  If you believe in schedules, you'll almost certainly wind up with a baby who wants some flexibility.  You think you'll combo feed - end up with a baby who wants just bottles or boobs.  Think you'll baby-wear - ha! - baby who doesn't want to be held at all, except for food intake.  Go into motherhood knowing what the basic parenting methods are and then adapt your strategy as your baby's personality develops.  Realizing that the schedule or lack there of that you believe in isn't working does not make you a bad mother.  Adapt and persevere.  You and your baby will both survive.   Neither of you will be scarred by these early adventures.  Really.

4) Babies do not need 24/7 interaction or stimulation.  Our grandmothers probably think we're crazy when we talk about providing learning opportunities to our newborns.  I'm sure they roll their eyes when we protest there's no way we could possibly leave baby in his/her crib alone and awake for two seconds.  Here's the thing.  A newborn wants three things:  Food, warmth, and security.  Give her those three things in measureless quantities and she's happy.  Newborns and young children actually NEED awake, quiet times in their day.  Only a few minutes at a time when very young of course, but those awake, focused, quiet periods help them process everything they're learning about the world.  Trying to provide stimulation every waking second actually overloads their brains to the point where it doesn't do any good at all.

I'm sure there are other things I would say too but those are the ones that come to mind right now.

[MSugarKane]

Nov. 30, 2009 at 7:51 AM

Your so right!