Community Service

[Amorentia]

Sara Black by shtteredprnces and Jalil Clearwater by Amorentia

Sara POV

Seeing J outside on the porch it touched me.  Beneath all the dog, there was a really good guy there doing the same thing I was, turning it in on himself.  The difference being he was in no way to blame.  Silently, I walked outside, closing the door gently behind me.  Kneeling down behind him, I slid my arms between his and his waist, wrapping them around him, placing a soft kiss on the back of his shoulder as I whispered,  "I'm sorry J, it shoulda been me"

"What are you reading my mind now?" he asked and my first instinct was to take his words at face value.  He would have rather it was me too.  I wouldn't blame him. But I could tell by his face and his laugh that wasn't quite what he meant to say.

With a small smile, I rested my head against his back, telling him, "I'm good like that...self doubt and internal guilt trips are my speciality.  Wanna join me at the pity party?"

"I'd love to." he said chuckling.  "It's been awhile since I've been to a good party with a beautiful woman."

"Sounds like fun, where are we getting the beautiful woman from?" I teased lightly, wanting to get the smile on his face to reach his eyes.

He laughed again,  "I don't know." giving me a dry look as he said,  "I know I don't look half as good in a dress as you do."

Winking, I offered up a suggestion,  "We could just start at the top of your phone list and work our way down," he smiled, stretching out as I nudged him,  "And I want proof I look better in the dress"

"You'll just have to take my word for it." He said with a grin, "So what's your reasoning behind your pity party?"

I sighed at the serious turn in conversation, leaning back against the rails of the steps, I decided to push aside my natural hate of talking, wanting to help him the way he so selflessly helps me, "It was my attack that started this, my stupid decision to stay in Great Hallow that made the patrols necessary, put all you guys in danger, my dads bar they were attacked at...all this, it's on me," I gave him a small smile, brushing away the tear I felt sliding down my cheek with irritation.  I hated to cry, such a sign of weakness, and I was doing it way more than I was comfortable with right now.  My foot brushed his leg as I continued, "So stop blaming you, ok?"

Jalil POV

"All coincidence." I told her from experience as being the bad guy. "Whoever this is, he's after something bigger. It's not just you. You're just caught in the crossfire. This is bigger than all of us now. It's just going to be a matter of who ends it." For a moment I smiled knowing there was no point even trying to push back the images of my street life that were bleeding into every moment of my time now. I smiled at Sara, "I'm sure I can top that, though...."

Her brown hair moved to the side as her head tilted inviting me to begin comparing burdens asking, "Can you now?  Let's see...What do you have.."

"Let's see....," I shifted in my seat shifting threw memories. I couldn't not answer what she asked.  "The closest I've ever come into this was..." With a sharp breath I decided to just be honest, "there was this kid that worked for me. Had to be around fifteen. Absentee parents. We jumped him in basically just for a body. A useless body that could push dope and get his hands dirty so we didn't have to." Feeling the shame, I got quiet a second. Like Sam told me, honesty about who I was in my life before this was the only way to really build from here into the better man I wanted to be. "We hit some static. Someone needed to take the fall. He was executed. Till now I never thought twice." Smiling I was bluntly honest, "I was not a nice person. Not like Justin or Marcus or Sam... Sometimes I wonder now if I am or if I'm just an impostor trying to find redemption in other peoples goodness."

Sara moved closer to take my hand. I didn't deserve the compassion, I'd given none. "Those are the same nice people putting their lives on the line for me." She offered up a comparison.  "Me, who used to torture mugg... people for fun, catching things on fire cause I was bored, hexing, hating...whatever caused trouble to fill the time." Her shoulders sighed as she looked at me from the corner of her eye, "Puts it all perspective, huh?"

Sara POV

He smiled laughing lightly, "It does that. I can't even keep track of the number of people I've..." he sighed, leaning back, the lightness gone from his voice, "Done in or seen killed. Innocent people in the wrong place at the wrong time or just caught up in my web of greed. It would have been justice, come kind of universal right if it would have been me. Not him. Things never work out that way."

Moving over to where he was laid back on the porch, I lay beside him, rolling my eyes at myself knowing that if anyone came out here, there would be jokes about me out here snuggled up near J.  Trying to keep a boundary I hoped wouldn't upset Blaise, but at the same time being comforting  towards Jalil was the kinda thing that could give a girl a head ache.  Hoping I'd found a happy medium, I propped myself up on my elbow, using my other hand to rub his arm, telling him, "Ya know, I don't know who you were before, and I guess to me, it doesn't matter.  Your not that guy now, just like I'm not that bitch...well, most of the time..anyway" I laughed, remembering my recent run in with my mother, my not so distint skirmish with Reg, "Now, your pretty incredible.  You spend more time than anyone else making me feel safe, and yeah, I know, it's part of your job, but you also took your personal time to teach me the self defense stuff cause I wanted it, and that was just you being a good guy." The time he spent keeping me safe, keeping me sane, wasting time with me sitting outside playing catch, hanging out on my swing, making himself at home at the shop being one of us with our vibrator races and condom tosses, having selected Strawberry Cheesecake as his favorite lube during one of our random taste tests, making me laugh as he suggestively sold freaky items of our inventory, I'm talking the stuff I won't even try, to Delorus Umbridge, giving her his sexy eyes and lip licks.  All of it added up, making him one of those people.  My people.  And I am very protective of my people.  He might not have always been one of the good guys, but now he was one of the best.  It hurt my heart that he didn't know it.

Jalil POV

"Your a great brother, your an incredible uncle, a wonderful friend...and I'm sure your many girlfriends could add a whole lot more to that list." Sara laid over on her back. In the back of my mind I laughed. What they would add to the list wouldn't be flattering. Just talk to Little Bit. I ached for her right now - just for the warmth of her body. She had Reg now. If he used her half as much as I did, she was in for it. That's all she needed was hardening up more. He'd be as cuddle as a cactus then. No, if I had her in my hand, I'd bail like I always do - contented she wanted me and that was it. That's not what she needed.

"Your a protector now J," Sara went on. "Your making up for all the bad you might have done in the past.  Maybe that's what it's all for anyway."

 For a moment I just sat before telling her, "Your should listen to yourself sometimes. you may not be a protector, but you're a caretaker." I looked over at her soft brown eyes always looking to comfort other people to ease any of their burdens. In return she burdened herself. I wanted to unburden her - to protect her. Again, I tried to explain, "The only reason you're caught up in this was that you were a means to an end. We removed the other end and stirred this guy up. where it goes now, who knows. It depends on him - not you."

Sara POV

Laughing, I knew I saw enough of me in him to say, "You know, we're both just wasting our breath here, right?  We're gonna go back in and keep on beating ourselves up anyway." I leaned my head against his arm, giving him the only kind of support I could with my words going in one ear and out the other.  I hoped maybe at least a few of them would stick.

He laughed, agreeing with me, "True that. At least we try, right?"

"Exactly," I gave him a smile, "And your a good person to waste breath on anyway.  Your ok with the fact that I think I suck." he gave me a suggestive smile, wiggling his brows and I laughed, trying to keep the conversation at the tone I was thinking, rather than where his mind was going,  "It's a nice trait in a person"

Looking over at him, I could tell her was only half hearing the meaning in my words and my natural instinct to make him feel better kicked up a notch,  "J," I gave him my best pretty eyes, "Anything I can do to make you feel better?  To help?" a little smile, "It would make me feel better to make you feel better..."  I was laying it on thick with this one.

"I don't think that's on the approved list, scrappy." he teased and I laughed.

"Ok, something I can do with both our clothes still on" thinking better, I decided to get more specific, , "And not undone in any way shape or form"

"You're not giving me many options here." He laughed, putting a hand over his chest and looking at me with a pout, "I'm heartbroken here."

"That's so wrong...playing on my weakness.." I rolled my eyes laughing,  looking over at him and his sad brown eyes.  Looking away I told myself he was playing.  He was a player, that's what they do.  Glancing back over still seeing the wounded look on his face I totally caved, laughing as I leaned over to give him a hug.

Jalil POV

She was a good girl. I may talk a lot of game, but she got to the respect level. With that respect I hugged her loosely, "I appreciate the thought. It's duly noted. And I did listen." Looking down I knew the words were in my head, I just wasn't really grasping some of them. Licking my lips, I thought about what my Sister told me, "I just think some things leave in life leave scars that don't heal. It's worse when you didn't on purpose. Then you sit back and watch horrible things happen to good people and here I am living cozy and untouched after all I've done. It's just not right."

Sara POV

I nodded, leaning against him as I sighed,  "I know what your saying, I do.  When it was just me being targeted, I felt like it was payback, karma's way of giving me back what I'd dished out...all rolled into one horrifying moment" I exhaled, trying not to let my mind go back to that place, to relive any of those memories, "But this...a kid...it seems so wrong that I get to be ok and he doesn't." I blinked against the stinging in my eyes, taking a deep breath as I looked back over at him.  My mind had been trying to make sense of everything since I'd heard the news, the unfairness of it all.  Trying to explain the idea my mind was toying with, I told him, "All I can come up with is that he didn't owe the World anything.  There was no debt, Justin was in the clear so he got tapped to move on the next good thing" Looking up at the sky, I whispered as I watched a star slide across the darkness,  "Like when you phased..you got tapped to be something better...maybe it's like a whole new kind of phasing."

Jalil POV

"That's what Peni keeps telling me. Justin's the only one here not feeling guilty. He gets to start over again. We're here set a drift on memories hanging onto hurt." I leaned back having trouble understanding that. "The only way to be good is to do right this minute to set your self up for the future, right? Maybe?" Marcus was the one who talked to me the most about that. How being a good man was a choice - one he had to make in his own life. He told me how I needed to decide if I wanted it to be what was easy or what was right. There was a reason I chose a life of crime instead of working legitimately. It was a lot easier. Leaning close to her I confided, "Seriously, part of me questions that. Cause if all the nice people are the ones getting tortured....." He'd shrug. "See how bad I am."

Sara POV

Laughing, I wondered if he'd misheard my earlier statement,  "Did you miss the whole me being evil thing?  Seriously, ask Reg, he'll tell you...he probably has pictures." Leaning over I kissed his check, watching the dimples dip in his cheeks, I smiled blushing softly, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was this big of a pain to cheer up for everyone else,  "You can't change the past J, not anymore than we can bring Justin back, all you can do is do better.  And your doing that," with a bat of my lashes and a small smile, I took things back to the silly, "I mean, if you wanna talk about torture, think of the penance your doing being stuck with me"

Jalil POV

"People didn't mess with you when you were bad, right? Things weren't so hard." I pointed out. "If I didn't have the Eight Little Wonders of the World following behind, I....." Peni's kids were the only little reasons that made me want to do right. Just thinking of them knowing what a bad person I could be hurt like hell. I'd do anything to keep them from following in my footsteps. Just one of them was worth a thousand of me. I'd protect them with my life. I told Sara with a smile, "But I love that you think yourself as penance." he'd tap her leg. "Sign me up for more. That's my kind of community service."

Sara POV

Serious then silly...J and I talked on the same wave length.  "The fact that it's hard just means your doing it right"  I assured him with a nudge, "And please don't tell anyone I'm community service..can you imagine the remarks?" I could actually feel the blood filling my face I was blushing so hard.  With this particular group anything that could even possibly be linked to the number of them I had been involved with in one way or another was better off avoided.  There was only so much mortification one person could handle.

He laughed, his mind following my train of thought, "I can already hear it." The soft smile he gave me as he looked my way was slightly unsettling. I preferred the dog brand of appreciation.  I knew what to do with that.  This....egh...I wasn't so sure.

Giving him a small smile, I tried to get whatever he was thinking out of his mind, I tossed out the rest of my reasoning,  "Maybe we should just say that the best way to honor Justin and his memory and everything wonderful he did ir to not dishonor him by turning his life into something to bash ourselves about?" I asked with my head to the side.  Maybe it all only made sense in my crazy head, but the thought gave me some peace of mind.  If I could share the feeling with J...well, it might pay him back some very small part of what I owed him.

Jalil POV

There might be some truth to that." I rubbed my nose. "He wouldn't want that." Then I laughed thinking about him coming to sit by me after a particularly rough day pretending he was doing homework just to keep me company. "He was always the kind of kid who'd do this, like what you're doing now. you're good people, you know that?"

Sara rolled her eyes so bad with compliments, "Your good people, I'm a reflection of whats around me." She laughed a little. "Now, what's a girl got to do to get some ice cream or M&M's or something around here?"

Laughing I thought of Blaise and Reg brainstorming ways to help her. Just to kill time not being able to do much else they did a lot of shopping. "Reg and Blaise have the kitchen stocked with cartons for you." Picking up her hand, I pressed it to his lips. "Thank you, Scrappy. It's good to see you smile." With her hand in mine, I touched her cheek for a moment. It was time for me to run. This had been enough deepth explored for a moment. "I'm going to go to work." Standing up I took my shirt off knowing it wasn't my shift, but being out patrolling was better than being here and spilling my guts to more people. After tossing my hat, I slid off my snickers placing them back inside of porch awning. Giving her a wink I ran for the forest to transform into the Wolf whose skin was more comfortable than my own.

Sara POV

Laughing at the shirtless, winking, lip licking Jalil running off into the woods I called after him,  "So wrong...I swear" rolling my eyes, I pushed myself up with a smile, moving to collect all his discarded clothing, popping the back of his hat in so his bill wouldn't crush, folding his tank-top and picking up his shoes after I cleaned them with my wand, I made a little pile to take in the house.  Walking into the house with a smile on my face, I saw Reg, Peni, Tori and Marcus scurrying over to the table with guilty grins on their faces. 

Before I could question what they were up to, my gorgeous man entered the room, that same smile still on his face from the afternoon.  I made my insides do funny things.  The fact that he was shirtless made the funny things do summersaults.  I was really glad I was weak and caved and could so tap that whenever I wanted, I thought with a grin as he started to whistle.

Peni cocked a brow in his direction,  "What's wrong with you?"

He tried to cover, "Nothing."

Blushing, I knew the grin on his face was going to give us away and I pointed a finger in his direction, reminding him, "Told you:"  Peni gasped, covering her mouth as she started to giggle.

Want to read more? What to join in the Creative Writing fun? Our full stories are in Through The Looking Glass. Link HERE to join. Be sure to tell them Sara and Jalil sent you.

[Amorentia]

Nov. 30, 2009 at 9:34 AM

(Original Poster)