To move or not to move

[writeonmama]

I don't know if I can take this any longer. DH and I have been waffling for the last year about moving. It took him almost a year and a half to get his permanent residence here and the ability to work. Once he was allowed to work it proved a little difficult to find a good job.

The problem is that up here in Canada they don't seem to appreciate 12 years in the US Army. Whereas down in the states they have head hunters seeking former military personnel to hire. Add in the fact that he could make almost double down there what he could make up here.

But. There was light at the end of the tunnel. He accepted a position as a financial consultant. The one problem: it's on commission. We knew it was going to be a slog for the first little while. We moved in with family to save money. The deadline is running out. We need to find a place to live by July 1.

I am starting to not care if it's here or in the states. I spend so much time worrying about which would be BETTER.

As background, my son is 5 and he's from my previous marriage. I am fully aware of the problems we could encounter if we move away from family up here. It keeps me awake at night. Shall we live here in abject poverty or live there where we can actually do something like have a vacation once in a while or be able to afford, you know, furniture.

My ex has already given me permission to move. He gave me permission two years ago when I married my current husband. Don't ask me exactly why. I asked. He gave. I was totally and completely honest with him (as I always am) when I told him that a) I was in love with an American and wanted him to move up here and b) I had absolutely no plans to move and c) I did not want to take our son away and if I did move, we would go out of our way to visit multiple times per year. (I have full and physical custody and our custody agreement specifies 'liberal access' with no definition on number or days or weeks)

I have a strange relationship with my exhusband in that we actually do get along. Case in point: we're 'friends on Facebook.com'. And we are actually able to smile and laugh with each other. I have zero doubt in his love for his son. Now, rather than taking them on as reflections on myself, I simply recognize and consider the decisions my ex makes in his life. I don't agree, but I no longer feel the burden to change or be involved in his decisions for his life.

Still. Do we move or do we stay? Move stay move stay... it's a constant script in my head. It is very hard for DH who wants only to provide for his family.