Live Like You're Dying by shtteredprncess & Amorentia

[WisaPlace]

Walking down to the stream, my hand in Blaise's, I looked up at the sky seeing the slight break in the clouds, the small beam of light breaking through the gloom of the day.  It was fitting that it cast a reflection into the water sending little rainbows of light bouncing off the spray, finding it's path among the rocks.  Pulling Blaise's hand to my lips, I kissed it lightly before moving away, pulling my IPOD from my pocket and placing it gently on the ground, I used my wand amplify the sound, my own testament to the life that we were saying good-bye too.

               

Sitting under a tree away from the main group, Blaise's hand on my shoulder as I held my Brailee snuggled to my side, her little fingers brushing the tears that fell from my eyes as I tried to pen the lines that said everything I'd been fighting in my heart.

                                     

Taping the paper lightly with my wand, I watched it fold into a small blue boat, the play of colors sparkling through the air catching my eye and making me smile softly,  Rainbows were not reserved for cloudy, raining days, they were there any time we let the light around us shine though.

Tori POV:

There had been a lot of mourning over the last couple of days. Both funerals for Justin - the Muggle and the Magical - were packed with people. Stading by the riverside with messages too him felt uncomfortably personal. In the groups of people it was much easier to distance myself as one of the crowd. Here we were each making a personal connection to his spirit. I wasn't ready for that. In my head he was still screaming as he died. Until that stopped, I couldn't let go. 

In the middle of the night I had gotten up to write my message when the screaming turned into a Nightmare that I had trouble escaping even though Reg's supportive arms were holding me tight. It took a couple of tries before I just wrote down thoughts and left it. I could have written and rewritten for hours without ever being happy with what I said. What I had was going to have to be good enough.  

Reg had finished tapping his paper with his wand to add his message on it. Putting an arm around me, he titled his paper in my direction. After reading it, I smiled up at him telling him "That's really nice. He'd like that."

Looking sideways at him, I couldn't help think over how cool he was. He was a player with a decent amount of heart. That made him much more attractive. Thankfully, he didn't push. We were cool. I liked it like that.

Handing him my paper, I left it open so he could read what I had written. Something in me wanted to share it with him. He'd been so patient, not to mention tender, he deserved to get a glimps of where I was at:

Hope: I hope to see you again soon. I hope Peni's right and you're happy alright and no longer in pain

Regret: I couldn't save you. And I was never as good of a friend to you as you were to me. I never returned your feelings and I know that hurt you, even though you never showed it. I'm sorry.

Memory: I never knew you existed till I joined the Pack - even though we went to school together. No one was happy to see me in the Pack. Everyone of our Cub's harbored grudes from all the mean things I'd done to them in school. You came out to sit by me so that I didn't have to be alone. Everyday after that you were my friend. I miss you.

As soon as his eyes read over it, the emotion inside of me welled up causing the tears to fill my eyes. I closed my eyes trying to shut them out when I felt Reg's hands on my face. That alone made me smile. 

Reg POV

Watching Little Bit struggle to be strong throughout the day reminded me enough of Sara to know not to push.  Sometimes, you have to let a person deal with things there own way, just letting them know your here, they aren't alone, and that your not going to push for more than they are ready to put out there.  From the look on her face, Little Bit was in that spot now. 

I kept an arm loose around her waist, watching the emotions flicker across her face, seeing her reign each one in to maneuver within her control, to deal with when she felt ready to.  For her sake, I hoped that time would be soon, no person could handle the sounds ripping her apart from the inside out alone for long, I don't care if your pack or wizard or Troll Wolf.  Every person has their breaking point. 

Using my wand, I tapped the paper I'd been given ,my thoughts appearing on it.

Hope:  I hope that whatever comes after this life is more than what you had here.

Regret:  You were only a child, no matter what position you had, what kind of magical being you were, you were a child and no child should go through what you did.

Memory:  I didn't know you personally, but I know you protected my family and everyone that is important to me.  For that reason, in my mind, you'll always be remembered as a hero.

Letting her read over my letter, I read Little Bit's, my heart aching for her when I read her words.  I knew another tough girl who tried to take on the world by herself.  Knowing it wasn't my place to help one, I put what I could into helping the other, pulling Little Bit to me gently and kissing the soft skin of her eyes, the saltly tears trying to form there clinging to my lips.  It was better than letting them spill onto her cheeks.  Something in my knew she would hate that, left with the choice to wipe it away or to let it fall, either would let everyone know her tough front had cracks in it.  I wanted to keep her from having to make that choice.

Tori POV

"I see," I told Peni as I saw her turn to look at me to show me where Justin was standing. I saw him as soon as he appeared. 

All I could hope was that she could not hear the words Justin projected into my head, "It's not me who is screaming, Tori. It's you playing my voice because you won't give yourself one. Go back to the basics. You can't get the results you want without action."

A tear slid out of my eye. Quickly I wiped it away.

"I love you, Tori. I always have." Justin told me. More tears fell down my face as he changed to Wolf form and he bounded away onto whatever work he had waiting for him now. 

Guilt flooded my heart knowing I passed up something truly precious in him for the glitter of fools gold. But he knew where I came from and all that made me who I am. He always told me that he understood. Maybe that was the love - to know and not ask more of me than what I could give.    

Leaning into Reg, I made sure the tears were gone before I turned to smile a thanks to Reg. No matter what an hour from now held, he'd been here for me in a way I appreciated. If Justin only taught me one thing, it was to appriciate the gifts a person gave despite the package they came in. Even though Reg's packaging was easy on the eyes, it was more of what was inside that made me grateful. The way he gave made it easy to accept - that I was thankful for.  

Peni POV

"What's a hope?" Jaki asked me. I knelt on the ground with him in my lap as he tapped his finger to his cheek trying to think of what he wanted to write. Both of the twins where using a rock to talk over what they were writing.

"It's like a wish," I told him. "What do you want for Justin."

"I hope he found other friends so he isn't alone." Deni said.

"I hope he's happy" Nevi told us.

"Can I hope he's happy to," Jaki asked me. I kissed his head telling him that was wonderful when he asked, "What's a regret?" 

When I explained, Deni voiced that he was sorry they couldn't play soccer anymore. Nevi was sad that Justin had been scared.

"Can I be sad he's gone" Jaki's dark eyes searched him. I told him that was perfectly fine.

"My favorite memory," Nevi giggled. "Was when he played bludgers with us and he knocked it through the Community Center window then ran. That was funny."

Deni laughed in agreement with his Twin, as was often the case. It often seemed they shared a brain. "He said a bad word. It was so funny."

"Can I just say he was nice?" Jaki asked me. 

"If that's how you feel in your heart," I told my son. "Then it's perfect."  

All of the kids wanted to fold their boats by hand, instead of the way all of the adults were folding them with wands. As they went to work, I stood up seeing Marcus bringing Jalil from where he hung back along, up to join us. He'd been so distant lately. We were both working hard to remind him he was inside of our family, not outside. No matter what.

Marcus POV

Letting Peni do what Peni does best, I left her to help the kids write thier lists, going over to Jalil, the closet thing I had to a brother.  We might not be blood, but I loved him like we were and watching him tear himself down reminded me too much of myself to let him continue. 

Without a word I hugged him, trying in my guys way to let him know he didn't need to do this alone, wishing once again that I was half the man I'd tried to mold myself into.  Caleb would know what to do, what to say, to help ease the weight he carried on his shoulders.  Knowing all I could do was try in my own sloppy way, I said, "Come stand with your family.  We need you."

He smiled without meeting my eyes, walking with me to join Peni and the kids as they were wrapping up.  As a group, the three of us wrote our messages on the blank papers Sara had handed us.

Hope:  I hope that you know the love that we all feel for you down here.  How much your missed and how sad we are that we don't get to see the amazing man you were on your way to growing into.

Regret:  That I wasn't there, that I couldn't stop it, that I couldn't do anything.

Moment:  The times we spent at the community center, just relaxing and being guys talking about girls and life and whatever else came to mind.

Knowing we all had a weight to carry, I handed my note to Peni as J handed his to me.

Jalil POV

I stood back away from everyone not wanting to interfere. Hands in pockets, I didn't have much to say.  Even my note to Justin was brief:

Justin,

Can you take a message to the people I hurt to tell them I'm sorry. I'm trying to be better.

I miss you, man.

J

Marcus walked over quietly and hugged me. Keeping an arm around my shoulder he told me, "Come stand with your family.  We need you."

I looked at the ground as he brought me over, trying not to look at the huge smile on my Sister's face as they refused to let me slip away from them.  

"Come on cupcake," he squeezed my shoulder. "I need my boyfriend to get me through this."

Marcus looked over my note. I looked over his and Peni's smiling that each sounded so much like them. One of the double trouble, Nevi, slipped his little hand in mine. I gave a wink and a smile to my Nephew. Like always, they brought me out hiding and into the warmth of their - that they wouldn't let me forget was also my - family. 

Peni POV

Using my wand, I helped the twins boats become water proof enough to withstand the small river waves. I placed my own boat next to them carrying my simpled message:

"Thank you for being the perfect ripple in our Ocean. I look forward to sitting beside you in the Council one day as we all watch the waves wash to shore. I love you."

Then I felt Jaki pull on my arm saying, "Mommy, look! He's here!"

A large grin spread on my face when I looked up seeing Justin shadowy in spirit form standing on the water where the boats were drifting. He was smiling, whole, and perfect.  

Jalil POV

Just was Peni started putting the boats in the water, I saw them looking out at the water. Jaki was waving telling all of us to look. That's when I saw Peni touching the spot between Marcus's eyebrows. His eyes got wide and he smiled a little.

I was a bit nervious when she came over touching my brow. In the length of a blink my eyes reopened seeing Justin.

"Hey, look at you." I had to laugh as Peni put my arms around her neck. The boys ran over to the edge of the water waving and calling. Justin was laughing. What was left of him was laughing. There was no way to drop the tear I wanted, or to feel so bad, when he was smiling so brightly.  

Blaise POV

This was hard for me. All week I lamented to Sara that I had no idea what to wrote. All I could hope is that we never have to bury a child like this again, and that I regretted his loss.

Bliss wasn't happy being outside with the cold, moist air. She fussed till I gave her, her favorite blanket. After she covered her face with it, she quieted. With Brailee in her arms, Sara looked up from under the tree talking about our papers saying,  "You show me yours, I'll show you mine?"

As usual, I loved her phrasing. We exchanged notes. Where's mine showed my Grinch's heart clearly, Sara's was so meaningful it touched me deeply. The depth of her capacity to care was one of her greatest beauties.

"That's beautiful, sweetheart." My fingers caressed over the line of her jaw. "Just like you."

Sara smiled, "As usual, I went overboard." I gave her a hand to get up a she places a kiss on my jaw. Turning it into a boat, she went placing both of ours on the water. Coming up behind her, I put my arm around her  telling her, "As usual, you captured the heart of the matter perfectly."

Sara turned to walk over to Peni. Hugging her from behind, she pulled out the Leaf necklace she had bought her and placed it around Peni's neck. Peni's hand reached down fingering the Leaf. After glancing down. It was clear to the emotion of Peni's face as she turned to hug Sara with a kiss to the cheek. Being remarkable calm was another of Sara's best assets.

After giving Jalil a supportive hand to the arm, she walked back into my waiting arms where we embraced each other and I told her, "Oni-temi, I love you with all of my heart. You are everything to me. I am thankful everyday for you."

[WisaPlace]

Dec. 3, 2009 at 12:16 PM

Peni Clearwater written by Amorentia. Marcus Flint written by shtteredprncess. Sara Black written by shtteredprncess. Reg Black written by shtteredprncess. Blaise Zabini written by Amorentia. Jalil Clearwater written by Amorentia. Tori "Little Bit" Young written by Amorentia.

Want to read more? What to join in the Creative Writing fun? Our full stories are in Through The Looking Glass. Link HERE to join. Be sure to tell them Sara and Blaise sent you.

 

In Memory of:

(Original Poster)

[WisaPlace]

Dec. 3, 2009 at 12:18 PM

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