They did his surgery, he made it, still worried sick tho

[WestBamaMommy]

They put the trache in yesterday evening and he made it thru the surgery ok so I am so thankful for that. The day before surgery he had a really bad day. His blood pressure dropped really low so they gave him some kind of fluid and it raised it back up, then when that wore off it dropped again so they put him back on the meds to keep it up.  When the doctors came in they noticed he was just staring up off into space basically and his eyes would roll in the back of his head. They asked him to squeeze their hand but he didnt, so my uncle tried to get him too and he wouldnt. I tried alittle later and still nothing, so basically he became unresponsive. That has worried the shit out of me. They also ended up giving him two units of blood for some reason. They put him on a drip to keep him sedated so now hes not awake at all. They said he would be on the ventilator a long time now so thats why they wanted to put the trache in to make it more comfortable for him and to reduce the risk of even more infection. This has been hell. I actually prayed last night to either take him so hes not hurting and miserable anymore or hurry up and get him better. Its not something I normally do but at this point Im willing to try just about anything.

He had three preachers that came in thru out the day yesterday and everytime they prayed for him I cried. I tried my hardest to hold it in but its just getting to be to much. I have talked to him, not knowing if he can hear me or not, but I have told him over and over again I will try my hardest to be a better daughter if he just makes it thru this. He looks so fraile and miserable. I have never seen anyone like this before its scary and heart breaking. Hes so stubborn and independent normally, to see someone having to move him or change a diaper on him is horrible. He wouldnt want to live this way, not even for a minute.

Theres a man in the blind school that I have talked to almost everyday who has been a big source of comfort to me. Hes an older gentleman and he was talking to a woman who is in the school and everytime she sees me (they arent totally blind) she asks how Im doing and how dad is.They both have told me they have prayer for my dad everyday and its really nice to know that total strangers are so nice sometimes.  Some of the women that have family in there Ive talked to and they have helped a great deal. The people up there have been a huge help to me and the family. Im not sure how I can repay em all but know I have to and certainly want too.

I talked to my brother this morning and I know he was joking (at least I hope he was) but he made a comment about getting his Christmas present from dad and then pulling the plug and walking out. I was shocked. I called Cliff crying I was so upset. Thats not something you even joke about. I know hes tired of going up there, we all are, but no matter what could have prevented all this, its happening now and we all need to be there for him as much as possible. The only reason Im not up there today is I had a meeting at my kids school and couldnt make it up there before school let out to get the boys off the bus. Cliff has taken the last two days off early so I could be up there and he just cant do that again without getting fired.

On the plus side of things tho, I have an aunt who doesnt live anywhere close to me and Ive never really known her. She came down and Ive gotten to talk to her several times now and I love her to death. She isnt judgemental, shes nice, shes funny. Shes FAMILY!! Ive always felt like such an outcast in my family and she doesnt make me feel that way at all. Hell, she said she even understood why I felt that way. I am going to miss her alot when shes gone but we exchanged numbers and emails so maybe now I will have family!!! I hate with everything in me that I had to meet her under these circumstances but people say that out of every bad thing something good happens, well this is it. Im off her to go clean my house which I have been putting off forever. Take care everyone...hug and kiss everyone you love, you  never know when they might not come back.