Starting on a positive note, Chase is 1 month old today! Yay! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. And he's getting so big! It just seems like I brought him home from the hospital the other day...
Unfortunately, this post isn't all positive. My SO and I have hit another rough patch, but I'm not sure we're going to pull out of this one. I think I may have finally hit the end of my rope with Justin.
As I mentioned the other day, Justin moved home with his mother, which is 50 miles away from Chase and me. He was fired from his job 2 weeks before I was due. The reason why he was fired was definitely preventable and quite honestly, stupid as bleep. Correction, Justin was stupid as bleep for doing what he did. What pisses me off the most is that he had done it before and had been warned, but did it again anyway? Ugh.
He has only spent 1, yes, 1 night with Chase and me. That was the first night we brought Chase home. He didn't even stay in the hospital with me. When I was in labor, he went home to take a shower. For 3 hours. And he was texting his ex while I was in labor. No, I'm not kidding. He tells me that she just wanted to know how I was doing. Are you serious? There's no reason for her to know anything about me other than I'm dating her ex, not her. Especially since they slept together right after I broke up with him for cheating on me. Ok, so we weren't together... but is that really how you're going to solve things?
He's cheated on me twice that I know of, but I really believe it to be more. What am I doing that's so wrong?
He doesn't help me at all with the baby. It's like pulling teeth to get him to hold Chase, much less do anything productive. He says that Chase is annoying because he coos a lot. Justin wants peace and quiet, blah blah blah. He resents the baby for taking up all of my time and now I have no time or energy to pay attention to Justin like I used to. Which makes me think he's going to cheat again, and possibly with his ex. If he thinks I don't pay enough attention to him, then what's to stop him from cheating again? It's been over a year since he cheated, but I think the possibility is definitely there.
He's even mentioned giving Chase up for adoption. More than once. I can't even talk about that. I'll burst into tears again and I just can't hande that right now. I'm exhausted. Chase was up pretty much all night last night.
Raising a baby alone is hard... but... I think I can do it alone. I'm just so torn. I'm still in love with Justin, but I'm really hating who he has turned into lately. He was wonderful all through pregnancy... what happened?