MY SISTER LOST HER BABY THIS MORNING, WHAT SHOULD I DO OR SAY?

[iminluvwita]

 My sister and her boyfriend was so excited when she found out she was pregnant with there first child together.  I was so excited when I found out too because we would then be pregnant together. I was 2 months when she found out she was a month. Okay, my sister already has one 3 year old boy  from an ex relationship and he means the world to our family because he was the only boy. Her boyfriend has 2 boys from a relationship he had acouple years ago so OF COURSE , they were hoping for a girl. So since I live in Mississippi and she lives in Maryland we call each other all the time and talk about her coming down after she has the baby, and about the babys progress. Well she has been bleeding  every month like 1 week a month but the doctor told her don't worry about it because sometimes it's normal to have a period during the first trimester as long as she isn't cramping a whole lot. On this past  Wednesday she started bleeding like a period again. She wasn't worried because of what the doctors said. I talked to her for about 2 hours last night and she said her cramps felt like they were getting worse. I told her to call her boyfriend and tell him to pick her up and take her up to the emergency room so they could see what was going on. She refused to so I said I will text him and let him know that you need to go. She said no, i'm not going to worry about it. But I text him anyway. That was at 1:30 am. I told her to promise me if they get any worse to go to the hospital and she said okay. I told her I would call when I woke up to see if everythings alright.  Well at 2:00 am her boyfriend came to the house to pick her up and take her. She left her 3 year old sleep and asked my grandmother to look after him if he would happen to wake up. I called this morning when I woke up and my grandmother said that she went to the hospital and lost the baby and she would have my sister call me when she came home. I called the hospital to see if she had been discharged and they said she was about 15 minutes ago. So I called the house phone back and my sister answered. She was crying and said todays Alex's (her boyfriend) birthday and the baby passed away on his birthday, how could this happen? I said I don't know but all I know is that God don't make mistakes and everything happens for a reason. She said,"if you would have seen the devestation in his eyes when he found out the baby was gone." She said that he went to bed because he don't want to celebrate his baby's death even though it is his birthday. So now I have no idea how to take this. I've been crying, Alex been crying and my sister been crying they were really looking forward to this baby. What do I do or even say?

[nojomommy07]

Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Just tell her you are sorry and be there to listen, since you are so far away.  So sorry :(.

[iminluvwita]

Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:28 PM

I think the reason i'm hurting so bad is because she knows that i'm still able to have my baby. She could easily just say, Nikki you don't understand because you didn't have a miscarriage, I did. I mean, i'm hoping she don't think of it like that. But gosh all I can do is cry with her.

(Original Poster)

[sati769leigh]

Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:43 PM

tell her you love her, let her talk about the loss as MUCH AS SHE NEEDS TO, dont talk aboutyour pregnancy unless SHE ASKS. sometimes she might be hurt and angry, let it go if she lashes out at you. just love on her.

[LuckyMom003]

Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:51 PM

Really I think you did everything you can do, I know it must hurt really bad; especially since you can't be with her, I can tell your the best sister you can be. This will take a long time to heal, this baby will always live on in all your hearts. I believe she knows you are sorry this happened and want to help any way you can;  I think so long as you listen to her that will mean a lot to her. Remember this too is a stressful event for you as well, so take care of yourself and your little baby.