SPONGE

[CECE09]

 As a natural/birthmom I really needed to know much more than just the basics. Many days and nites not only did I feel alone in my sponge like ways but saw my self as unsettled human.   Im sure I used every skill possible to find my answers. My need to know came when I swallowed my pain and boarded that plane in Sept. I did use the time to absorb all that was said and done around me. I truly connected with the one person who I needed to see, myself.   I learned so much more about who my daughter really is as of today, not the baby I kissed good bye, not the years of grief I endured but her true person. She is a combo of all of us. The nice and not so nice. The relationship will always be there, short and sweet. I'm finally OK with all  of the avenues.  I have a huge bag of answered questions.  The life we live will not be as close as I needed or wanted.  Her first family will be just that the family who adopted that precious baby.  As her years pass as a mother, wife, professional I can only hope I will have continued pics and words coming from across the miles.   The sisters will make there own way I can only pray if they need one another some day they will be true and loving when asked to be.   As my grand children I can only pray they know I love them.