Peices of me

[Amorentia]

Sara POV

Laying on the couch feeding Talon, I had Ember resting on a pillow between my legs, watching her little fists bat the air.  Jaki was playing with blocks on the floor at my side, Blaise had Deni and Nevi outside running off excess energy while Marcus and Peni spent some down time with Bliss and the babies.  Reg came into the room, Brailee snuggled against him, sitting down on the floor and leaning against the couch, he put her down and we both watched her crawl across the floor to where Jaki was stacking the blocks.  Immediately, he began handing the blocks over to her, the two of them taking turns stacking them and knocking them over.  It was precious how well they played together.

"Where's Blaise?"  Reg asked, glancing around, "Isn't he supposed to be fastened to your side?"

"No, we cut we umbilical cord this morning," I replied, mentally flicking him off, "Where's Tori?"

"She went home for awhile."  he answered quickly and I noted the tension in his voice.  I was kinda surprised by that, he seemed pretty content around her, she let him be him and he let her be her. 

"Oh," I didn't know what else to say to that.  Taking advantage of the time alone with him, I said something I'd been meaning to say for days, "About the other day...with my IPOD...thanks."  I knew it didn't quite cover it, but Reg was Reg and he knew what I meant.

When he turned to look at me, the expression on his face made me nervous, "Anytime, you know I'm here whenever you need me." he gave me a slow smile, "I like that I'm the only one who knows you enough to help you when your like that.  The only one you've ever really let in."

The words stopped me for a moment.  It wasn't like that.  The reasons he knew the things he did had nothing to do with me letting him in to learn them and everything to do with him being the cause of me having to learn ways to cope with all the hurt and heart ache he put me through in the first place.  Reg cheats on me with Pansy...I find comfort in bag after bag of M&M's.  He starts trying to worm his way back into my life, he teaches me the fine art of drowning yourself in ice cream.  We get back together and I learn to bury my pain and hurt in music and movies because it's easier than trying to talk to him about anything that matters.

"You and I both know that's not it." I told him as I moved Talon onto my shoulder to burp him, Ember was sleeping sweetly, her little fist in her mouth now.

"I know that's what you tell yourself."

"Reg, stop it. Please?"

His eyes met mine and he asked quietly, "Why don't you tell me you love me anymore?  I say it all the time..." he trailed off.

I sighed, this was not something I wanted to have to talk about with him.  But he asked, and that left me feeling guilty if I didn't answer, "Because it means something different to you than it does to means to me." I answered honestly, "I love you as my friend, but that's not what you want to hear?"

He moved up onto his knee's looking into my eyes, "Is that really all there is?  I'm just your friend?" he finger brushed my cheek and I moved away.

"That's enough of that, ok?"  I said uncomfortably. 

"You know you can't answer that cause some part of you loves me like I love you.  Your just scared."  he looked to the door to where Blaise was coming in flanked by the boys, "And settling."

Groaning, I knew we were back to that place where it was time to talk or fight or whatever we had to do to get him over himself.  Looking at Blaise, I pasted a smile on my face asking, "Can you watch the kids?"

He looked between the two of us, "Of course."  And I waited while Deni and Nevi took Jaki back to Peni and Marcus, letting him get my sleeping Ember into her bassinet before handing him Talon, reaching up on my toes to kiss him lightly,  "Hopefully it won't take long."

Heading out the door with Reg in tow, I walked towards the woods, aiming for a place where raised voices would hopefully not be heard.  Turning on him, I didn't waste my breath trying to talk it out nicely, it just wasn't how we worked, "What the hell is your problem?  How many times do we need to have this talk? We," I pointed between he and I, "Do not work.  Not as a couple and if you keep pushing we're not even going to work as friends."

Reg POV

Walking over to her, I placed a hand on her cheek, "You don't mean that, you don't want to go through life without me anymore than I do without you." I nodded to the house, "He doesn't know how to fix you when your broken."

"That's because he doesn't spend half his time breaking me.  You talk about your expertise like it's something to be proud of, you seem to have forgotten all the pain you caused to learn it." She threw the words at me.

"That's why your not with me, not because you don't love me, but because I hurt you." I told her, pressing the advantage that she hadn't moved away, I leaned in, kissing her lightly. "You love me." The pain that exploded in the left side of my jaw was unexpected.

Sara POV

Fuck, that hurt.  As soon as my fist connected with his jaw I realized I'd forgotten to tuck my thumb like J taught me.  Refusing to give into the pain until I was done taking care of this, I jerked away from him, cupping my injured hand against my chest as I lost it, "Get over yourself.  Seriously, Reg, you need to hear the words that are coming out of my mouth.  I do not love you.  I do not want to be with you.  Yes, half the time you are one of my best friends, but the other half, your my enemy, and the worst kind, like a spy, you use what you know to tear me down from the inside out.  All of this for what?  When you have me, you don't want me.  You just don't want to see me happy with anyone else."

Reg POV

"This is you happy?  The tears, the silence?  You don't even smile...he doesn't know how to make you smile the way I do,"

"He doesn't know hot to hurt me the way you do either.  Does that make it even?" her eyes narrowed on my face, "He's there.  He is always there.  That means more to me then some stupid song.  Then anything.  He's there with me, for me, always.  I could never say the same about you."

"I am always here!" I yelled, "Always. You just don't notice because your so fixated on yourself."

The shock that registered across her face would have been comical under any other circumstances, "Me?  You have got to be kidding here!  Were you not there during our marriage?  You were the one turning your back on me Reg,"

"While you turned to Flint!"

"Because you wouldn't even look at me!" her voice shook with her anger, "You left, you said you couldn't love me.  I am not argueing about this again.  It's over.  We're over.  I moved on, maybe if you'd pull your head out of your ass for a little while, you could do that too!"

"If you moved on so far, why do you still need me so much?  Why can everyone feel the pull that still exists between us?  You know it's there, it's why you can't tell me to just leave."

Reg

"Is that what you want?  For me to tell you to get out of my life?  I can do that," the thought of it hurt like hell, but the idea of letting him destroy everything I had right now was so much worse.

"That's not answering my question," he moved back towards me, I back up into the tree but he just moved closer, trapping me against it, "Tell me you don't want me" he said, moving closer still.

I ducked away from him, the little restraint I had left snapping, "Is that what this is?  Sex, right?  Is that what will end this?" Pissed beyond belief, I decided to push my own point home, using my good hand to undo the top buttons on my shirt, "Come on Reg, fuck me.  It'll make you happy, right?  Cause the fact that I don't want you, that you don't make me happy, that doesn't matter at all.  It's all about you.  So let's do it, you get your way and you destroy everything that matters to me" I tossed the shirt to the ground, standing there in my tank top and jeans.

"It'll never be sex, it's making love," he said, his eyes raking over me,

"No," I shook my head, telling him with everything in me, "Making love is what I do with Blaise.  This...this would just be a quick fuck.  Even sex is too nice of a word for it.  The only thing it would mean is the destruction of me.  But that's what you want right?  Everything ruined so you know I'm not going anywhere."

Reg POV

Hearing the tone of her voice, my actions began to sink in.  Why was it that whatever fear or pain ate at me, I felt the need to put on her?  Dejected, my shoulders dropped and I picked her shirt up off the ground handing it to her, knowing I was a class A asshole.  "I'm sorry" I said softly.

"I don't want to hear it." she snapped back and I met her eyes once more. 

"Look, I just...this thing with Little Bit...the proxiemity to you...watching you guys...you know me" I tried to explain but her eyes kept cutting me off. 

Jamming her shirt back over her arms, she didn't even bother with the buttons, her usually warm eyes cold as she said, "Go find someone who cares, Reg, I'm done here." she turned to walk away and I grabbed her shoulder. 

She spun around, her eyes shooting fire again as she said, "Don't touch me."

It hurt, but I knew I'd earned it, "I'm scared."

"And maybe if you'd just said that, we could have tried to talk and maybe I could have helped, but instead you wanted to wreck what I have so you wouldn't be in your pit alone.  No part of you ever thinks of letting me pull you up instead of you pulling me down.  And I'm over it."

"I'm sorry," I tried again, finding hope in the fact that she was still standing there, "I don't know what else to say...."  opening up, I told her, "I'm starting to have feelings for her...you know how I screw everything up...and she already has her own problems...I don't wanna mess up."

Sara POV

I struggled inside with the desire to be his friend.  I knew that Reg beat himself up for the end of our marriage just as much as I did, though the both of us for different reasons.  If he was starting to really connect with Tori, it explained alot.  And I knew being here with Blaise and I probably wasn't helping him any.  But, at some point, I also knew I had to stop making excuses for Reg and his behavior.  For all that I knew about him, for all that I tried to let him be him, I wanted to reach out and be the comfort that he needed.  A part of me was finally realizing that as long as I kept doing that, letting him slide on everything because he was him, he would never stop. 

What I had now had to be more important than what I had with him and I needed him to know that.  He needed to see that what he was doing wasn't right.  Squaring my shoulders, I looked him in the eye, "Your issues don't give you a right to make me your punching bag.  I'm down letting you tear me down so you can build yourself up." I took a deep breath, "We're done."

"You don't mean that.  You know I'm sorry.  Just give yourself some time to cool down." he voice begged and I shook my head.

"I do mean it.  We're finished.  Obviously, with our daughter, I can't cut you out completely, but the tie, your sway over my life..." I just shook my head, seeing in his eyes he knew what I meant.  I turned, walking away,

"Sara..." he called after me, but I didn't stop, not breaking my stride as I walked back to the house, sitting down on the back porch steps as I tried to pull my head together around the throbbing in my hand.

Marcus POV:

Walking up to the house from John's, I saw SAra sitting on the steps, her elbows on her knee's, one hand cradled in the other.  By the look on her face, I knew she was battling being pissed with being hurt, which usually meant Reg was somehow involved.  I knew the close proxiemty of all of us living together with all the stress was bound to blow up sometime.  No part of me was surprised that Reg was part of the explosion.

Uncomfortably, I leaned against the rail, asking her, "You ok?"

She made a low graoning noise, shaking her head.  Sighing, I sat down by her, trying to be a friend, "Was it Reg?"

"Hmmmm..." was her response. 

"uuhhh..." i began before realizing I had no idea where to go with this.  Once upon a time the two of us could discuss anything, now we really only talked in a group and we were both obviously more comfortable that way.

A few minutes passed, both of us occassionally shifting in our seats, and I swear you could hear crickets in the awkward silence.  Finally, I looked over, "Want me to get Peni?"

Breathing a sigh of relief she said, "Please?"

Popping up, I headed into the house to the kitchen, seeing Peni there talking with Reg, I went for plan B, heading into the guest area to get Blaise.

Sara POV

Still sitting on the porch, my hand throbbing, the pain getting more and more intense, I was glad when I heard the door open behind me.  Glancing back I saw it was Blaise and i gave him a small smile as he moved to sit by me, putting his arm gently around me as he asked, "What did he do?"

Groaning, I answered, glad to know he would understand what I meant when I said, "He acted like Reg"

He nodded, slidding both arms around me and taking my hand gently in his own to look at it.  He always handled me with such care, something I was still not used to, and every time it took me a little by surprise.  Looking over my face, I placed a soft kiss along the line of my neck under my ear.

Leaning against him, I sighed, "I hate him" knowing as soon as the words were out of my mouth that I didn't mean them.

He smiled, chuckling, obviously knowing I didn'y mean them either,  "I know. Can we get something for your hand?"

Studying the swelling, the blackish blue bruising already forming, I told him, "I don't know...as long as it hurts I'll remember I'm mad"

Blaise POV

Sara gave me a small smile. It killed me seeing her upset like this. She asked, "Would that require me telling you all the new ones?"

Of course I wanted to know. I always wanted to share everything with her. But time made me know better. "Not unless you want to, which I now you will when you're ready. I've known Reg a long time. I know all the stupidity I've been known for. I could only guess."

Speaking of the devil, like always, he appeared. Glancing over at us, he opened his mouth to say some thing and then close his mouth walking past us into the house. As soon as he was out of sight, Sara sighed before looking at me saying, "I think I broke my hand."

Anger welled inside me thinking of how tired I was at Reg interfering in our life. His pushing Sara was a serious problem. "Peni has skelegrow I'm sure." I told her knowing with so many kids she always kept some on hand. Then I figured this was a good time for us to seclude ourselves away together to get some space from the madness of everyone in this house. "Do you want to go the Guest House I'll get it and the kids and come there?"

My girl nodded, "Yeah, that sounds good." Standing up, she went toward the guest house. This time I was going to have to do something. I'd had enough.

Reg POV

Once I finally got myself collected, I headed back to the house, seeing Sara sitting on the porch holding her hand.  Feeling the tender ache in my jaw, I knew her hand had to be throbbing.  I paused, wanting to fix it, but I knew, at least right now, she was done with me.  The pointed way she ignored my presence told me now was not the time to try again with my apologies.  With a sigh, I walked past her, heading into the house to get some ice to soother the pain in my head.

Regulus Black by shtteredprncess. Sara Black by shtteredprncess. Blaise Zabini by Amorentia.