Things I've realized lately

[MPWifeJessicia]

Lately I have learned a few things. I try to find the humor to keep from crying....lol.

On Friday night of last week I took my kids to the tree lighting ceremony on post. I didn't want to go, but it is a tradition for us afterall, so we ventured out in the freezing cold. Just me and them because as usual daddy had to work. We waited in line for over an hour to ride the carriage ride to only be told when it was finally our turn that there were no more rides. Fine, I was cold, I was tired, and I didn't have the energy to fight with the people. So, off to get in the nice, warm truck we went. As we were leaving, lo and behold, there was the carriage making another trip around! I didn't say anything, just told the kids I would take them to one in Kansas City before Christmas.

The very next day, Saturday, I took my little ones to see Santa Claus at the PX. As we are approaching the store, Santa Claus walks up ringing his bell. He asks the kids if they are hungry. As most children, of course they said yes! Now, in my mind, I really thought Santa would reach in his pocket and hand them a candy cane. Nope. He says, "HO HO HO! Let's go have lunch together." Mind you, it is 3:30, and I'm not there to eat anything, I just wanted the kids to see Santa, but how do I break their hearts? I didn't. I went into Anthony's Pizza and spent $15 I had not intended to spend, but hey, it's the holidays and the kids are worth it. Right? So they are sitting down eating and chatting with Santa when he asks what they would like for Christmas. The girls say a Nintendo DS and Jay says he wants a video game. Well, well, well, would you believe me if I told you that Santa told them they would get that this year?! He didn't exactly say that, but pretty darn close to it. His exact response was, "Well, I can kind of see into the future, and I can see that happening!" (all dramatic with his finger to his forehead) Of course, since then, all the kids have talked about are the Nintendo DS systems that we can't afford this year. My heart is sad that this man who has no clue about my financial situation all but told my kids their wish would come true. It has definitely added pressure to me as I try to shuffle money from account to account to even pull Christmas off this year. So, I can say that December 5, 2009 at approximately 3:45 pm, I was officially done with Santa!

Then we make it to Sunday. It was a nice day, but I knew the snow was coming because of all the birds. It did in fact snow Sunday night, but not too, too much. That waited until last night. I decided about mid-afternoon that I really needed to go ahead and shovel my driveway. I'm not really sure why as we are to get another 6 or so inches tonight, but I guess I just wanted to clear it for the next round. About an hour into throwing heavy "scoops" of snow into the grass I realized that there were three teenage boys just up the street staring at me. I didn't say anything. I just kept on pulling up my pants and shoveling the snow. You see, at the beginning of this year I weighed almost 200 pounds (194 to be exact). When I was at the doctor on Friday, I weighed 165. So, my jeans are too big (even the ones I bought a month ago), and I can't wear a belt because if I do, I will surely pee in my pants. I can't unfasten the belt quickly enough when I have to go....so, well, it's not a pretty sight...lol. From this experience today, I decided that when my children are teenagers, moreso my son, they will help people with things like this. We are on a military post, and the lack of help when it is needed truly amazes me. The worst part to me is that not only do people not offer to help, but they watch you struggle. It's fine though, I am woman hear me roar. It took me about 2 1/2 hours total, and my back is killing me now, but I did get it done. However, my son will NEVER stand in the street and watch someone work. He will help. There is no choice in the matter.

All in all, the past few days have been a challenge for me. I see a counselor regularly, and one of the things that I work the hardest on is not losing my patience. I think I'm doing okay. I may be standing in five inches of snow with my pants sagging like a kid laughing until I cry, but I don't get upset. I try not to anyway, and when I do, I certainly don't let it show.

I know this is all a little pointless, I just thought I'd share.

[Ms.Tamara]

Dec. 9, 2009 at 10:58 AM

Girl I'm a few houses down. If you need anything please ask. I'm always home. hugs..

[Lb128f]

Dec. 9, 2009 at 5:51 PM

Wow on Santa...that's crazy. What was he thinking....grrrr!